I gave up on having a fulfilling life!

people have bad days, period. you got too much drama going on there, and I have a suspicion that you like it, and because you lack in areas, need it. I would address this, thus you will not have people talking behind you, etc. some people do not get adequate service provision, and I deplore people who manipulate it for there own vices. I see too much of it, and it irks me.

PETER!

Do you NOT see the pattern in your post?

Someone desperately tries to put words together words that may help you see, that without admitting your failings, addressing them, healing from them, learning to love yourself, so other people can see your light and in turn love you. NOTHING WILL CHANGE!

Instead of replying back on these draining posts I know these members dug deep for energy for, YOU decide to just keep rambling on about the past and this person did that, and he and she, and they....GET OVER IT!

The past can not be changed, you made your choices, they can not be undone.

Time to go forward.

I will tell you this. I have never in the time of being a moderate considered doing this. But I will.

If you do not take a breath, read the members posts to you. Respond in kind, you don't have to agreed, but EGADS let them know you read!

If you do not. I WILL LOCK THIS THREAD. I will do this so others may put there knowledge and energy towards those who are accepting and thankful of it.

Your choice Peter A

Trina

If you look for monkeys, you will get monkeys.
Your anger over the past and No more Woman has you
Dead set, NOT TO BE HAPPY.

You say you now judged before anyone meets. WELL, you are doing the same thing.

A cool thing life does is work like a mirror. YOU
start engaging people, starting with thE HELLO, NICE DAY etc..
With the sincerely of Kindness. It is amazing what comes back in return.

Let the past stay there. It has no place in the Now, where you can improve.

Peace Trina

Hi Derwood, I removed your extra post but if you didn't know, you can delete your own posts by clicking on the "X" in the right hand corner. Just an fyi...

That was a very good post Derwood. Makes a lot of sense. And I agree whole heartedly.

I feel Peter is living in the past and hanging on to things to be the way he wants. Things change and we have to change with them. Look to the future, stay in the present. Accept things that we have done to make things not be the way we want them. I feel Peter has a lot of work in front of him. Needs to get realistic expectations. And not cling on to the women and make them feel uncomfortable.

But that is my opinion.

Have a good day all...

Hugs, Karen...

Why do you worry so much about people going behind your back if you aren't doing anything wrong? Wouldn't it be easier in the long run to go to therapy and get help with the anxiety and agoraphobia instead of relying on other people? You seem to blame all other people for your issues. The world isn't responsible for you, you are. And the sooner you tackle your phobias, the sooner you will have a better life. Your past actions has gotten you into a fix. Only you can get yourself out. At least try to get a grip on the phobias. Get a book. You can trust a book.

Why not mail the phone back to Amazon? Or call them to see what YOU can do to get another one... You got to take initiative and take control. Other wise you will be forever disappointed.

Sorry I haven't posted for a while. Been busier than usual and that takes it out of me. I'm pretty tired right now, tbh.

Peter - For whatever it's worth, here are my thoughts on your situation. You, like most autistic people, clearly have extremely rigid and fixed beliefs. You also think constantly about the past. I'm somewhat the same way myself, but having rigid beliefs and dwelling in the past are ways of thinking that will keep you trapped and helpless.

For example, you believe that things can never get better unless you have more support. But the little support you do get you complain about constantly and it doesn't actually seem to do you much good. More importantly, you are staking your future happiness on something that is unlikely to happen: the supply of more support workers on your terms.

You need to try to imagine a future where you are not dependent on support workers accompanying you everywhere, but where you can do things by yourself. First things first: you need to tackle your anxiety. I'm not gonna pretend it's easy or that there any solutions which will make the anxiety magically go away. It won't go away, so you have to learn how to do things in spite of your anxiety. Divert your thoughts from thinking about how inadequate your support workers are, and start thinking about practical ways in which it make it easier for you to leave the house.

Get a bath for a start! Not having a shower sucks, but baths get you just as clean. Use an antiperspirant deodorant every day. Brush your teeth twice a day. All stuff that should be second nature, but sometimes isn't to autistic people.

Once you're nice and clean, consider what your triggers are and what calms you down. Sometimes the triggers are unavoidable, but you can do things to mitigate their impact, such as reading a book or magazine, going on a phone or tablet, or listening to music. If the feelings truly start to become overwhelming and you can't block them out any longer, then go somewhere quieter - believe me, a toilet cubicle will do, but it can also be a park, quiet corridor, or whatever. My biggest problem are with waiting rooms; I frequently find them to be claustrophobic, glarey, noisy hellholes. I will sometimes go and wait in a nearby corridor if it gets to be too much.

Trains are another trigger point for me - I absolutely hate crowded trains. At the moment I drive, so public transport is not an issue, but if I have to give up my car I've already decided I'm not going to let my horror of public transport deter me from travelling. If millions of people can travel on Southern Rail, I can too. Besides, driving isn't exactly a stress-free experience... Plenty of morons on the roads to make sure of that, and headlights in the dark drive me round the bend.

If going to auditions are too much at the moment (and I think I would find that pretty daunting), then look for more local stuff you can do. You live in a beautiful city, you should make more of it. Go to meetup.com and see what there is near you; pay a visit to your local library and look for local groups and walks; get a prospectus and look at part-time evening courses (many are free to adults on benefits). I'm well aware that none of this is as easy as it sounds, and you will find endless excuses as to why you can't do any of those things, including having nobody to go with. But you don't need somebody to go with you; you can do it by yourself. Just pick one thing to do - the easiest, least scary thing - and give it a go.

The good thing about meeting new people is that they will have no idea of your history. You will have a 'clean slate', so to speak. But for god's sake, don't go steaming in with tales of your woes to somebody you only met for the first time 5 minutes ago. This is for two reasons. One, you will instantly erase your clean slate if you mention that you have been in jail, have somebody monitoring you, etc. - it will take a special kind of person to look past that with a new acquaintance. Two, honestly nothing is more boring than listening to somebody go on about themselves endlessly. Monologues are deeply, deeply boring. I'm not sure if this is what you do or not, but it is a common trait to folks with asperger's. I feel a bit bad now, because basically everything I am telling you goes against the spirit of "just be yourself". It's a lovely sentiment, but in reality everybody puts on a mask to some extent in social situations. Small children are naturally themselves, but it's considerably harder for adults to be that way.

I'm freaking knackered now, and am not confident a single word of this post will go in. But basically the gist of my entire post is: stop waiting for support workers to move on with your life, start with trying to do it by yourself. No, it's not ideal but it's what virtually all adults who are stuck in a rut have to do. Do talk to your family, GP, etc., but ultimately you will have to act alone if you want to see any change to your life at all.

I do know how hard it is because I am in a similar boat right now. Stuck in an absolutely massive rut, but so far haven't had the confidence or motivation to try to climb out of it - depression makes everything seem unappealing and dull, which doesn't help. However, I'm starting to finally try and climb out of it and not absolutely overthink everything to death. I have realised if I do nothing at all, then a beyond mind-numbingly boring life is staring me in the face for the next 40 or so years. Hopefully you can reach a similar realisation.

Peter, it is time you heard NCOT's words, she knows what she is talking about. For your own good reread every one of her posts.

NCOT, I am so proud of you!

To become so strong, empathetic and compassionate in such a short time period.

I know what you have to deal with and it is life changing, nearly hard to accept that this is how life with be from now on!

You have gone through so much physically and emotionally. At last overcoming the disabilities, making them part of how you live your life, NOT how they CONTROL your life.

To read your posts and hear the courage in your voice and to know that you must just flop back in the chair when done, is a victory I think many members are seeing.

You have won a war, with each small battle. Kudos.

Peace
Trina

Try to pace yourself Peter and take some breaks. Moderation I guess. That way you probably wont feel sick afterwards or during.

NCOT, Thank you for the kind post. I hope you are having a good evening.

Hugs to everybody...

Karen...

Post Edited By Moderator (BnotAfraid) : 8/29/2016 1:43:04 PM (GMT-6)

Hi Peter, I'm glad you have mage an appointment to get some help for your anxiety. That is a good step!

I wouldn't worry about the agenda of your first meating. Just show up , and meet the doctor. Your conversation will flow naturally.
Of course make sure the professional knows that anxiety is what you want to overcome, and your agoraphobia, but other than that, dont worry. Also let the doctor know about your autism, and bring a list of your meds. That's it. Reread this again while you are getting ready to meet your psychologist if you need to.

Hope this helps Peter. Just keep it simple and try not to worry. You will be fine.

Best,
Derwood.

I'm sorry about your grandmother. Dementia is the cruellest thing, but at least you had a chance to know her before she developed it.

I agree about older people being easier to talk to than younger ones. Many don't get much company and are dying for somebody to talk to. Have you considered voluntary work with older people? Hospitals and old age charities are always in need of volunteers. I know your anxiety would make it difficult, but I hope you at least consider it.

As for the waiting list, have you put your name down on a housing list register yet? It is a long wait I'm afraid; there's no getting round that unless you can get bumped up a banding or two. But it's pretty hard to get bumped up, unless you are homeless or in imminent danger of being made homeless. You do live in Scotland though, and not the south east of England, so hopefully waiting times won't be as horrendous where you live as they are down here.

Yes. Where I am, there is a website called Key to Choice, or it may be called EdIndex. You get a number posted out to you when you register that you put into an online bidding box up to 3 times a week, excluding premium properties. It means the more lets you bid for, the more you go slowly up the Mount Everest size waiting list. And it does take a long time if you're just a starter. I've only just been bidding this year too, because of all the hassle with the court, and with me trying to cling onto the old support workers. If I had started bidding 2 years ago, I may have had a flat by now. But like I said, you have to do your homework, and you can never tell how life will pan out. Never just accept any grotty old property.

My anxiety is really dire now. I very rarely go into town anymore. I'm not really a fan of using buses, which makes it harder for me to get from A to B. But if I really have to go into town, I'll walk along the side routes. I'm really annoyed because I don't know if I'll get any worthwhile support, despite all this waiting. The people that make films that advertise on Facebook don't seem to give a flying rat's tail about my anxiety, because when I point that out to them, they never respond. Granted, it ain't their concern, so they need not give a darn. That is to be expected, unfortunately. For anyone they don't cast, there is always a better replacement. Human beings really are a fickle species. But sometimes you have to separate the chaff from the wheat, and only listen to the good advice on offer.

What if the role was reversed, and they were the ones crying out for help, and people blanked them? So they should treat others like they would want to be treated themselves. That just never happens anymore. Plus, with the way they pledge money from the general public, it's all about making 'their' dream come true. Nobody cares about little old me.

I honestly think today's kids are going deaf. They have no taste in music, because they're always listening to all that cheesy, manufactured pop music with the annoying fake beats. It was not like that so much 50 or even 30 years ago, when the talent mattered more than the image, but there has been an alarming progression. Similarly, the kids have to have all these super cool CG effects that cost millions of dollars in their weekend movies, because it's not 'entertaining' enough just having the actors do what they're supposed to do - act. The acting always has to take a back seat in place of the awe-inspiring effects. Meanwhile, the HIV-infected people in the Third World starve to death, because able people that work in Hollywood on an overrated film would rather buy a mansion with a nice porch, a large swimming pool, guard dogs, and a golf course. Oh, and did I mention they are probably buying drugs and their heart is growing to the size of a melon?

What I meant when I earlier said that all people are sinners, is that at one time or another, everybody has did something immoral. They may say they haven't, but it's all lies. Nobody is 100% dishonest. Celebrities, as I've come to learn, just aren't heroic enough.

I used to be a big gamer. I'm not so much nowadays. I don't know what changed for me, but while I'm still calling myself a fan, I find that the games I liked as a teenager that are being continued in their current form, just aren't what they used to be. I'm a little bit excited about Resident Evil 7: Biohazard coming out next on the PS4 and PC for example, but I'm not mega interested in the franchise like I would have been around 16 years ago when the classic ones were being released on the GameCube and PS2. Plus, games consoles are quite expensive these days, and I seem to have lost interest in a lot of aspects of life. Everything has its golden era, and once it fades out, it fades out. They only keep it going for the money.

Meh. Maybe I really do like living in the past. If only Bill and Ted would loan me their phone booth, I could go marry Joan of Arc or somebody. Jane Wiedlin sure was hot back then. Retrophilia is my way of life.