Posted 8/22/2016 7:55 PM (GMT 0)
Lilbun:
How did you get to college at 16?
Are we in the presence of greatness?
What age usually do people in your country go to college?
From hopscotch to college.
What are you majoring in? What do you want to be?
Why did you decide to go off to college so soon? And so far away?
Was that the school you wanted to go to?
You said, “My mom hits me (and my siblings) every time I do something wrong or she disapproves of, she would yell and curse (which is probably why I curse a lot too and can't get rid of it), she would tell me very discouraging things but then later on ask me why I have no motivation to do school works and join extracurricular activities.. “
You said: "I'm afraid to go the doctor. I'm 17, turning 18 in 4 months, and I've always felt sad, down, empty, and hollow since I was around 14 or 15. At first I thought it was a fleeting thing, I thought I "just felt sad", but at 16 when I started living alone and independently (still financially supported by my parents), that's when I started to realize that I don't think this feeling is normal"
I think those feelings are from your mother whipping up on you and cursing and hollering at you.
you mention to your mother that her treatment of you is causing you problems?
Are you still concerned about going to the doctor? At 17, I can understand that.
You said, “I always heard voices in my head, I had constant suicidal and self-harm thoughts.. Sometimes the voices are so loud I bang my head against the wall”
Sweetheart, that is way too much. I think you mother’s mistreatment is what’s causing this. Was she hit and mistreated by her mother?
You said, “I felt tired but couldn't sleep at the same time”
For sleep, I take “Power to Sleep” from the health food store, or on the net. There are several other type health food sleep aides that may help, also, if you’ll check on the net or at the health food store.
“Alteril” is one for sleep from the health food store, or the net, someone on this website has mentioned.
You said, “After 5 months I started doing some research. And figured maybe I was depressed. Because I was not like this before “
If you’ve never been like that before, then you can change back to when you were not depressed.
You said, “Perhaps all my worse experiences before as a child added up to what I feel right now”
What age group are you talking about, “as a child”? Did everything start at 14 and 15?
You said, “I drink a lot (for my age) to the point that I always wanted to get so trashed and wasted because it felt so good NOT TO FEEL”
You said, “I live alone because I'm away for college, and yes, I went to college at 16. I'm young, and I completely had no idea pre-college about ANYTHING independent life-related. I was so anxious before moving away. I have to take a plane to get back to my hometown, and my family just has enough money to send my siblings and I to school, soI can't really go home that often unless I'm on a break from school."
So, you’re away from college at a young age; you’re far away from your home; you don’t get to go home but once a month, we’ll say, and, your home-life is not the best, which results in your social and personnel, inside life, being rough.
Whoa, and all of that is crashing down on you, which results in your drinking, your hearing voices, depression, and other things.
How you’ve made it 5 minutes I don’t know.
If there’s a way into this mess, there’s a way out of it.
When I would stay at college on the weekends, I know how lonely that is. There would be nobody else on the floor, or in the smaller size dorm, and it would be gosh awful.
I could picture everybody else going to parties, on dates, going home, and here I was in the dorm with nothing to do, but go to meals a couple of times a day.
There’s a page or so in the book, “The Catcher In the Rye,” which describes a lonely, cold, dark, dorm scene which to me depicts what that feeling is of being in a dorm by yourself on the weekend. Oh, gosh awful.
So, I don’t see how you do that. How do you get through that? Oh, gosh, that alone is a huge problem.
Again, maybe you could talk to your mom about your treatment at home.
Here’s some inspirational items:
(the below is from www.quora.com)
Smile
She smiled at a sorrowful stranger.
The smile seemed to make him feel better.
He remembered past kindness of a friend
And wrote him a thank you letter.
The friend was so pleased with the thank-you
That he left a large tip after lunch.
The waitress, surprised by the size of the tip,
Bet the whole thing on a hunch.
The next day she picked up her winnings,
And gave part to a man on the street.
The man on the street was grateful;
For two days he'd had nothing to eat.
After he finished his dinner,
He left for his small dingy room.
(he didn't know at that moment
that he might be facing his doom)
On the way he picked up a shivering puppy
And took him home to get warm.
The puppy was very grateful
To be in out of the storm.
That night the house caught on fire
The puppy barked the alarm.
He barked till he woke the whole household
And saved everybody from harm.
One of the boys that he rescued
Grew up to be President.
All this because of a simple smile
That hadn't cost a cent.
- Barbara Hauck, (age 13)
Written Jun 23, 2015
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(the below is also from www.quora.com)
A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the pups and set about Nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he Felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the Eyes of a little boy.
Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies."
"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "these puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."
The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. "I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"
"Sure," said the farmer.
And with that he let out a whistle,"Here,Dolly!" he called.
Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight.
As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another little ball appeared; this One noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up....
"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt.
The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."
With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers.
In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself To a specially made shoe. Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need Someone who understands."
The world is full of people who need someone who understands.
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Maybe on weekends, you could take your Braveheart to an animal shelter and tend to some dogs and cats, take one for a walk, or to a hospital (Volunteer Services), or a Senior Citizens home, or to an Orphans Home, or to a home for runaway teens.
If you can get to one of these places the first time, maybe next time you can get a ride from someone who works or volunteers at that place.