Does my son deserve better then me?

A year after my daughter died and my ex divorcing me I felt like I needed someone else in my life so I adopted a boy. That was 4 years ago and it still hurts that my daughter left me and I cry some nights for no reason, and with the holiday season coming up its so hard to celebrate, sometimes I skip them all together and my son misses out on things like getting presents on x-mas, trick or treating, ect. we dont get out much and he always wants to go to the movies or vacation but I can never get myself to do these things w/ him I feel that Im making him miss out on a lot of stuff. Hes already 10 and I know he wont want to do these kind of things w/ mom for long. Some days I even disconnect my phone, close the curtains, and lay in bed all day. On these days my son doesnt get to go to school and has missed 18 days this semester because of this. I realize how important it is for him to go to school but I cant always drag myself out of bed. Does he deserve better then me?

I know the feeling of just wanting to curl up in bed and stay there. I've felt that way myself, many times. What you describe sounds like a classic case of clinical depression. It's a medical disorder; it's not anyone's fault, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. You CAN feel better, you just need help to do it. Talk to a doctor.

I'm so sorry about your daughter. I can't think of a more painful thing than losing a child. However, I can think of something equally painful: losing your mom, especially while you're still a child. Remember, to your son, *you are the most important person in the world.* Don't think of it as "he deserves better than you." What he deserves is to keep you, the mom he loves, and receive your love and support. He is a reason to get up in the morning and go on with life. Even if you feel you don't deserve happiness (and you DO deserve it), you need to get better for his sake.

A doctor may prescribe antidepressants that could help you a lot, but I suggest you also seek counseling. The double whammy of losing your daughter and your husband must have been very hard. It's great that you had the strength to go on and take another child into your home and heart, but if you're still in mourning after four years, you may need help to deal with the grief. You'll never forget your daughter or stop loving her, but she should be a cherished memory, not something that interferes with sharing life and happiness with your son.

I had to think about this one. I sat in a chair for 2 months. My 9 year old son took care of my 4 year old daughter--cooked, cleaned, did laundry everything--including go to the store to buy groceries when we ran out. Did my kids deserve better--you bet.

My daughter remembers that time and other bad times that followed it very clearly. She saw my struggle to get better--to go back out in the world. She saw my little successes, slowly and gradually build into bigger ones. She saw me begin to have fun and laugh again. Today, inspite of years of my being messed up, she says I'm an awesome mom.

I don't know if she knows I got better for her and her brothers (lived with their dad). Maybe so, maybe not. What she does know is that I went from having no will to help myself to dogged determination and from there to success.

I would hate to see you decide that your son deserves a "better" that does not include you. Children need to learn that obstacles can be overcome. You need to do everything in your power to overcome yours--so one day he will tell everyone what an awesome mom you are.

bev