A serious situation

This obsessive thought has disabled my functioning in life. It has turned off the functions of my brain that allow me to be fully functional in life. It has also turned off a certain faculty. It has turned off my ability to push in order to get a bowel movement out.

I try to push to get it out, but I am barely able to push at all. My mind would have to be fully comfortable, relaxed, and not worried about anything at all in order to get the bowel movement out. I am not constipated at all. The bowel is soft. But I am unable to push to get it out.

There is no physical issue going on here. This is all a mental issue here that is preventing me from having a bowel movement. Even the urge to have a bowel movement is turned off. I think this is a dangerous situation because there is not a single moment that my mind can be relaxed and not worried in order for me to pass the bowel movement.

There is a certain area of my brain that needs to be active. It needs to be turned on in order to give me my ability to push. I can try to push all I want, but it is not going to work since that area of the brain is turned off. I can only push to a very small degree and I cannot push any further than that.

If I wasn't worried at all, then that area of my brain would turn back on and I would be able to fully push in order to get the bowel movement out. But there is not a single moment where I am not worried about this thought at all.

It is a constant 24/7 worry and there is no way for me to let that thought go in any given moment. If I had the choice to either experience the worst possible physical pain such as having my torso ripped apart or to instead experience those horrible altered mental states from my depressive nightmares fully conscious during a near death experience, I think I just might choose to have my torso ripped. Especially if the near death experience is a more intense experience than my worst nightmares.

Those horrible altered mental states are not the experience of me screaming in pain and agony. It is a completely different experience than that. It is an experience far worse than that. I would not describe this experience as pain. There is no way to describe this experience. It is the most horrible experience.

So to try and help me not be worried about this thought would be no different than trying to make me not worried about the possibility that I could have my torso ripped apart (if there was the likely possibility that could happen to me). There is no way I can be at peace with such a notion and nor is there any way I can not worry about such a thing.

Post Edited (SuperMarioGamer) : 9/22/2016 5:43:03 PM (GMT-6)

I have colitis, and low motility., which is fairly new in the past few years. I used to the more normal symptoms of UC--visiting the bathroom often and painfully passing a lot of liquid.

TMI- for those who want such a warning.

For my past two colonoscopies--my system was not cleaned out-despite a double prep. I have gone several weeks and more. I have to use stool softeners combined with a lubricant. I also invested in a a "squatty potty." It helps sometimes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbYWhdLO43Q

So then have you seen or doctor about the anxiety, gamer?? If it's all anxiety now allowing you to function, you should be seen by your primary care doc or psychiatrist asap to get relief!

supapfunk said...
So then have you seen or doctor about the anxiety, gamer?? If it's all anxiety now allowing you to function, you should be seen by your primary care doc or psychiatrist asap to get relief!

I second this. Physical issue or no physical issue, it's a really good idea to see your doctor about that.