It's crazy how familiar

Last year at this time I had three parties to go, three different costumes hand made and was pumped to see friends and meet new people.
It was pure joy.

It's amazing, how you start to feel crummy, and things that I once loved almost make me cringe now. I have to turn the radio off if they're talking about Halloween parties. My students are a disappointed because they always love to see what I wear on Halloween. As luck would have it, I got a jury duty summons for Monday. ..... Weird timing, but now I don't have to let down my kids.

I've been through this rigamaroll, many times throughout my life. And the fact that I can say I have enjoyed past halloweens, helps me realize I will enjoy future ones. Obviously, more then just Halloween. But for me taking some time away from social media.... Making a phone call to go back to therapy ( I stopped in June, had a wonderful summer). But these past couple of months have been getting more difficult with anxiety & depression. Luckily I recall many things she has taught me in the past, but also know I need a little more guidance at this point.

It felt good to walk away from the forum for a bit too, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. I felt I had a handle,on things. At my Most recent visit with my psychiatrist, I asked for an increase in milligrams, and I thought back to years ago when any anti depressant scared the crap outta me. So there is a give and take with this struggle..maybe that's why I'm sharing my story ? . I have a bit more control with things. It would be awesome to feel awesome right now and be putting on a costume and heading to a party...so I'm forced to face the anxiety leading up to it, and then if I actually went, or that feeling of not going, and bein home.

....Just airing out my thoughts here.... Maybe some people agree, but I hate unloading sadness onto a friend who doesn't go through similar mental situations. And even though small talk makes me cringe internally....I get through it to get through it.

..the Ora of depression is around me, it wants to become bigger. Now I'm Doing my part to manage it ......cause when it completely takes over........ No words for that really.

Just a thought. Have you had your vitamin D levels checked? This time of year there is a lot less sun and often we get SAD, seasonal affective disorder. From lack of sun shine. If you don't take vitamin D3, talk to your doctor about checking your levels so you can maybe try it. I take it daily. If I miss a dose, I notice it. So it does help.

I hope you feel better and maybe make one party. It is a shame for you to miss out on something you enjoy. Take care and keep posting, it helps to get things off of your chest.

Hugs, Karen...

Thanks f27. I had to google Sisyphus. . . Haha, but now I have something to read. But yes that image is precisely how I feel. Kinda want to read a bit more. I forget that these time periods lead me into many solo times and reading is a good one! I think tonight I let the ball drop, but on my own to be able to watch tv in peace.

I decided to skip the parties, told my friends I just wasn't in the mood. Some have been friends for so long that they just simply understand, so that part is comforting. I remember how much I used to panic, cause this sickness isn't as easy as saying I have the flu. People close to me know when something's up, I guess that's another sign that I know I can feel good again.

Hi Karen, it's been a while but I remember your words just being a comfort when I was Feeling awful. Yes, headaches haunted me all summer and when I went to my neurologist, after bloodwork I was vitamin D defecient. Been taking them for a month now, nothing noticeably better, but it can't be worse, lol !

Tim Tam, Yeap, precisely. I kinda ' felt' the experiences you were writing about. That's why I avoid the things I don't have to do when I'm not feeling whole. I did learn that depression is not ALL Of me. It took a while for that to make sense....but I understand it more and more. It's just one part of me.

Nice ! I like that sentiment as well. Thanks