I wish I could be normal

Hi Shy and Sassy!
I don't really think there is such a thing as normal. I looked it up and couldn't find a defination of it, so I guess there is no such thing as normal, but only a rigid expectation that we have of ourselves and keeps us from being content. Are "happy" people normal? Everyone (even people without depression) have problems. My Dad who has never known what it is like to be depressed is having problems in life. He is not smiling too much these days. I know many people even with severe depression, Bi-polar disorder, etc live very good and productive lives. Never give up - keep trying. Watch a funny sitcom, Do something nice for yourself..take a bath..go for a walk, maybe doing something to help others less fortunate..such as working in a soup kitchen. I did that a few times, and it made me feel very "normal" seeing people who did not have much and were grateful for one hot meal a day.

Do you take any medication for depression and anxiety? Perhaps that might help you smile again. Never give up hope, because sometimes that is all that keeps us going.

Rianna and bearstinylady, I loved both your answers, and shynsassy, I loved your question.

I saw the question asked in a group meeting for sexual abuse. One lady pointed at her husband, saying he's normal. She explained that he hadn't been abused and had never knowingly been around anyone who had been. She explained he was there trying to get a handle on what her abuse had done to her and which of her behaviors it caused, so he could be more sensitive and helpful. The whole room was in awe of the man. He never spoke, but he listened with his eyes and his ears. He had leaned forward into the conversations. He turned to his wife sometimes with a look that said now I understand. We were still in awe of him when the 12 week session ended.

Frankly, I don't think he was normal--I think he was an angel. I sure never expected to find an angel for me--but I did--after I resolved to get better and became a better person.

The really great part of the answers was "but I also heard it was boring." Ah, so, it is boring and boring is absolutely wonderful. No fights, few hurts, and lots of time and support, that goes both ways, for what either of us wants to do.

bev

Best not inform him too much, he might run screaming.

You have hit on some real truths, but I'm a believer in feeling that drama (at least once each new drama). How else will you get over what caused it--and a better question is how else will you know you are getting over it or have gotten over it.

Your boyfriend probably stuffs and would have you do it too. Stuffing is fine for my wicked stepmother made me eat peach pie, but it doesn't work for great or "forgotten" hurts. That just leads to hitting the wall. However, doing nothing also leads to hitting the wall.

The "total" cure is a combination, many combinations. It's like trying to crack a safe with lots of numbers in the combination. Not easy, but possible.

bev

Smart move Rianna.

bev

My wife also has no part in it. I have tried over and over to tell her that she should try to see what it is I'm going thru-to the point it felt like emotional abuse. And, of, course, helps keep me down.
The hardest thing about depressed folk I think is that people expect their significant others to hold out a branch and pull them out of the quicksand. My experience so far shows that it doesn't really work. They can't change how you feel. THey can't fix the real problem.
Even a lot of therapists can't either. This time, it really is all about you.