Leaving everything behind and starting new

Learn to be happy with what you have. Life is tough, right now things sound like they are actually going good for you. Take it one day at a time.

To gain confidence, you need to accept yourself for who you are... Not worry about what other people think.

Go where your heart takes you, just don't give up what you have without realizing what you will lose. Share your dream.

Do you have a DJ job yet? Don't give up what you have until you know there is a place for you in the DJ world. Like I said, one day at a time. Don't go into this blindly.

Oh and when you get my age, you will really feel mature... Ha!!!

I hope you can fulfill your dream. Have you prepared yourself for this?

What is your work now? Do you like your job?

Welcome to the forum.

Hugs, Karen...

NiceCupOfTea is spot on in my book. There are two ways to look at it: work hard now and live after you've accomplished your goals, or have fun now and work later. I did it the first way and can attest to the fact that when you are older it is just harder to have fun. You don't have all the energy and can't do what you could when you are young. Several years ago while rafting in Alaska, our guide was a young man, late 20s to early 30s I'm guessing. He had never done anything but travel the world and do adventure type jobs. He said he wanted to do this while he was young, and there is certainly merit in that. However, the down side is that when you start pursuing your dream, albeit with some maturity, you will be competing with the younger up and coming DJs/music producers. That is probably a bit of a negative for waiting to pursue your dream.

And, as NiceCupOfTea said, your girlfriend might not wait. That is a decision for you both to make. Would she go with you?

Depressed? Bored? Or something else? Either way, I think it helps to make a decision. Sometimes agonizing over the decision is worse than making it and then devoting yourself to making whatever you decided happen. Usually once you make the commitment and start working on your goal, whichever one it is, you will find that you are happier.

As a bipolar person myself, it sounds familiar to what is going on with me sometimes, or has in my past when I was at or near your age.

All I know about bipolar is what I have, and what I read, so you'll have to decide.

1. You said, "As a kid and teenager, I was an introvert and didn't like social interactions with people outside of my group of friends. Everyone outside my friends that I met from school, sports or hobbies were very scary to me. Lack of confidence and social anxiety were the cause of this fear." (possibly a sign of the depressed side, in my view.)


2. "As I grew older (now 22), I worked hard to overcome this fear which I can say is now 90% gone. I guess it also comes with experience and maturity. I've got a wonderful and loving family, an incredible girlfriend and pretty decent friends." (possibly sign of mania, in my view) "I am still somewhat unhappy with what I've got." ([possibly sign of depression in my view)


"I feel like there's so much work to do on myself still that I'm not ready for all this. I feel like I am what I am to please others." (That sounds like it could be part of the bipolar situation, but I don't know which part. I've had those kind of feelings also.)

"I feel like I don't need the people around me. I feel like I need a break from all of this and come back later in my life." (sounds like it could be part of bipolar, also.)

You say, "On the other hand, I'm pursuing my dream of becoming an international DJ and music producer. Yes, I know, it's a pretty unrealistic dream" (that could be part of the mania, in my guess, and then your write "I've always lacked confidence" which could be part of the depressive side, possibly.

You even write the words "depression" into your own description of yourself when you say:

"Because right now I could just abandon everyone and not feel bad about it. I could just leave and not leave a single note and not feel bad about it.

"I don't know if this is depression or if it's normal, but this idea is always coming back in my head."

You also used the work, "unbalanced," which can describe bip olar in my view, when you sayd,

"I just need someone to help me understand what I'm going through. My thoughts seem to be spread out and unbalanced. I need to see clearer."

You're right there as far as understanding what's going on, but yet oh so far away.

I even had delusions when I was just about 5 years older than you that pretty much match the things you're thinking about. But what got me was the depression which caused a mental collapse. Can you see the mania and the depression almost in the same sentence?

I was having these wild up and down swings, neither which are good. They put me on Lithium and an anti-depressant, and I have been doing well on that.

Do you have any relatives who have had emotional problems? Your mother or father, or grandparents. Traits can skip a generation and even though your parents may not have had any emotional problems, your grandparents might have, and it could skip down to you. You can ask your parents about that.

Vincent Van Gough was one of the most talented artists who ever lived, yet he couldn't hold a job. There was no Lithium or anti-depressants in the mid to late 1800s when I think it was he lived. So he suffered.

We can all look at him, his wild swings, but we can't see ourselves. You might want to read up on bipolar on some of those websites. You might want to visit a psychiatrist about some of these things, whom might say, wait till you have a blowout, but should you have a blowout, you won't be thinking very clearly to get a psychiatrist.

So you're in no-mans land right now, in my view. I was there at one time. You might be talking to those close to you, such as your parents, and giving them data and asking their advice.

If you could just line up a psy., and go talk to him or her, and if you have a difficult time, go pay them a visit, they'll already know who you are. Trying to figure out w3hat to do when you're very depressed or manic, is very difficult.

You won't be rational like you are right now reading this. You think you will be, but you won't. I would suggest sitting down with my parents. Talking to a psychiatrist. And getting everyone on your side if you should start getting out of hand. And if you don't get out of hand, that's even better.

And if nothing else during such a possible time, just go talk to this person (psychiatrist) that you've already talked to, you don't have to take any medicine, you don't have to worry about anything, just talk to that doctor.

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from mayoclinic.org:

Both a manic and a hypomanic episode include three or more of these symptoms:
•Abnormally upbeat, jumpy or wired
•Increased activity, energy or agitation
•Exaggerated sense of well-being and self-confidence (euphoria)
•Decreased need for sleep
•Unusual talkativeness
•Racing thoughts
•Distractibility
•Poor decision-making — for example, going on buying sprees, taking sexual risks or making foolish investments

Major depressive episode

A major depressive episode includes symptoms that are severe enough to cause noticeable difficulty in day-to-day activities, such as work, school, social activities or relationships. An episode includes five or more of these symptoms:

•Depressed mood, such as feeling sad, empty, hopeless or tearful (in children and teens, depressed mood can appear as irritability)
•Marked loss of interest or feeling no pleasure in all — or almost all — activities
•Significant weight loss when not dieting, weight gain, or decrease or increase in appetite (in children, failure to gain weight as expected can be a sign of depression)
•Either insomnia or sleeping too much
•Either restlessness or slowed behavior
•Fatigue or loss of energy
•Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt
•Decreased ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness