Depression/ Derealization (if you can call it that, unsure)

First post on this website.

TLDR- I have an obsessive fear that the world isn't real. It's hard to know if I believe in this idea (solipsism) or not, because if I did fully embrace it I don't believe that I would be afraid of it/ feel intuitively like something is wrong.

Backstory: Tripped on LSD two months ago, have never had any history of mental illness, got horribly depressed after the trip and started encountering this thought. I am obsessed with this thought, and think about it almost every second of the day. It's incredibly distressing, but I've started to develop habits to cope: spending time with family, seeing friends, running every day, exercising whenever I can, playing music. The power of the thought is definitely lessening-- I'm not as scared of it as I once was but I am exhausted by it: why do I obsess? It's so freaking annoying etc.

Counterthoughts that have helped me:

There's zero proof of this thought to hold any weight.

I've lived 24 years of NEVER believing or feeling this way, this is obviously not how I'm "supposed" to feel.

If this reality was fake, does it really matter? If I'm still able to love the people around me and feel emotion towards them, then this is as REAL as I need it to be.

Prior to this "thought" I was almost always happy, which is something that in retrospect I have realized I took for granted 100%. This my first venture into depression and mental health issues and it is truly terrifying.

Would love some guidance or assistance with this/ if anyone has any similar thoughts/ feelings and how they were able to overcome. Need to beat this.

Hey Myself 09, thanks for reaching out!

Yep, the LSD trip was certainly more than I anticipated and I definitely experienced the feeling of "will this ever end". That being said, I will say that I definitely don't feel like I'm still on the drug? It's more that this drug unearthed an obsessive part of my personality that has always been there but never been a problem.

I don't hallucinate, don't hear things, etc. There are no light trails, and I can "pretend" to be 100% normal around the people I'm with and at points do FEEL "normal" (whatever normal means). It's tricky. I've never felt so out of control and sane simultaneously. If I were to forget about this one recurring thought then I would imagine myself returning to my usual self, it's just this thought that's really making me feel like I'm losing grip.

I'm wondering if this would be considered a "delusional thought"? If this is a psychotic symptom? I don't feel psychotic/ exhibit the symptoms of psychosis but maybe I'm just scared to confront that diagnosis.

Is there anything you can do to take this thought from your mind? Such as start a new hobby? Or will it be there too? Usually something in life comes along to distract us from these things. Something big and altering. Maybe that will happen to you too.

I think it is more of an obsessive thought. But that is what I feel.

I have very vivid dreams, though I can't remember them when I wake up, but I know that they are there. This isn't like yours but I use to feel like my dreams were another life. I seem to go back to the same dream nightly. Strange... I know that they are dreams, but when I am dreaming, it feels so real.

Just know life is very short actually. The older you get the faster it goes by. Try to make the most of each day. Do the best that you can. Try to live in the moment. Though you often feel it not real, try to make the best of it and enjoy each moment.

Hugs, Karen...

*sigh* I think I really need to add that you should bring your concerns to your doctor. Not saying this IS, but schizophrenia generally hits in the late teens or early twenties.

I encourage you to counter post in the Anxiety/Panic forum. Depersonalization and Derealization and obsessive thoughts are very common anxiety symptoms.

Based on what you have written, I think the trip from the drug "triggered" these obsessive (and intrusive) thoughts. Personally, I agree that you should tell a Psychiatrist about this but the fact that you can observe yourself thinking your thoughts is a sign imo that you are not likely Shizophrenic. There are related personality disorders though and it can only help you to be forthcoming about what you are thinking and experiencing. You are young and have great cause to be hopeful that you will not live with this forever as you fear. The sooner you deal with it, the better. I commend you for reaching out.

I don't think any two experiences are the same but I have experienced times when it felt like "This doesn't feel real." "Is this just a movie?" I have been somewhere and felt "fight or flight" because those feelings made me so uncomfortable. You indicated that this is "terrifying." I too would feel "fear" when life feels "surreal." The bottom line is that it sounds like you are aware of this distortion and FWIW, I have the analytical personality to analyze philosophical points when they become obsessive. Have you googled something like "arguments against solipsism?" I find that my personality must sometimes explore the obsession until it takes its course. Not that much unlike exposing yourself to a phobia.

Keep posting because if nothing else, you are not alone in what you have described. The Anxiety/Panic forum will probably relate more readily so give them a shout out too.

Post Edited (kellyinCali) : 8/11/2017 4:45:15 PM (GMT-6)

Hi Mittenmaker.

Welcome to the forum. You may want to start your own thread about this. Posting on someone else's thread surely your post could get lost. Click on "new topic" and it will take you there...

The one thing I know that is important is that we need to love ourselves.

Do start a thread for your topic.

Hugs, Karen...