Got myself in a mess?

Over the last couple of weeks my mood has plummeted to rock bottom. I finished my AD beginning of Jan and was going to see if I needed another one or not. I couldn't get to a depression dose on it but it did help. Since this happened I started a new one a few days ago.

But 3 weeks ago I also reduced pregabalin from 200 to 150, and then 100. I didn't really notice much difference for a week other than slightly higher anxiety.

But then last weekend something just hit me hard. I was worrying about everything, couldn't sleep, mood tanked. Pain went through the roof as the stress escalated. As the week progressed, I got lower and lower. I seemed to be getting new physical pains every day and the intensity of existing pain rocketed.

So I'm not sure what's going on at the moment. Is it withdrawal from pregabalin or has my depression returned? My dad had the same thing when he came off his AD but for him it was more like 5 months later.

Yesterday I had enough and increased my pregabalin back up to 200mg. I have noticed some reduction in the pain today. Still got heartburn but it's not as bad. But I'd expect that anyway as the drug is good for that. And randomly last night my mood picked up a bit. Was still very low this morning.

I'm worried that this has all been withdrawal from pregabalin. The new AD wouldn't really boost my mood so fast would it? Now I have no idea how I will tell the difference if the new AD is helping or its the pregabalin boost if I do feel a bit better in a couple of weeks.

I still feel I need an AD to feel well but now I don't know how I'll tell if this new one is working or not. I suppose I should recover quite rapidly if it was withdrawal whereas the AD will take much longer?

As you can probably tell, my mind is going a mile a second at the moment.

I have desperately wanted to stop taking both my ADs and sleeping tablets for a couple of years, Last summer I decided to titrate off of my Ambien. I knew it would be challenging, and I decided to try the discontinuation process over my holidays. I had a number of vacation weeks saved up from the year prior, so I was able to take 5 weeks off.

The result was a train wreck.

I can't believe I fell for the whole "I'm feeling better, so I can now responsibly get off all of the drugs that are helping me feel better" myth again. Why the he77 do I do this to myself? Suffice to say, the only thing I accomplished in those 5 weeks was total and complete insomnia, and a depression flare unlike any other I have previously experienced. It was bad. Really bad. And unfortunately continued on for months after my holidays ended.

I actually ended up going to a different country to get help. I was that desperate. Canadian health care is wonderful in some areas, but really falls apart when it comes to mental health. Thankfully a clinic in Kalispell was able to see me quickly, assess my needs, and come up with a detailed report on what I should do. That report included replacing or reinstating all the drugs that I was so adamant I didn't need.

Andy, I don't know if you'll ever find out what specifically caused you to spiral down. It might have been the titration of one drug or the other, or possibly both. I've learned over the years that psychiatric meds are a long game, although perhaps I haven't completely learned that lesson yet.

I'm so sorry you're starting from scratch again. The only thing I can really say that might help is that you know you've had a positive response previously, and I'm convinced that you'll be able to find another drug, or combination of drugs that will help you again. In the meantime, hold the thought in your head that you WILL feel better eventually.

Keep tough, Andy. You'll get through this.

I hear you. Sometimes we just gotta lower our aim - 70% isn't 100%, but it beats 0%. Like you said, if the drug makes you feel better, some side effects won't be the end of the world. I know that startup on most AD medication is tough mentally, so I'm not surprised you're having problems letting things go. This is the time where you have to dig really deep, and work on staying in the moment. If you let this problem occupy too many of your thoughts, it'll overwhelm you.

Hang in there Andy. One day at a time. And if that doesn't work, one hour at a time. And if that doesn't work, one minute at a time. You got this.

Andy,

I feel for you honestly. I wish the meds did all the work.

However they do not. Perhaps for the odd person, but for most we have to use coping skills along with the meds.

mindful.org

Here is a link to a great site with all kinds of helpful stuff to practice and do in your life to make living with depression easier.

A friend of mine says. "I have drepression, I don't let depression have me!"

Peace and strength
Trina

Chronic pain is no walk in the park. But you can distract yourself enough for the pain to go in the back ground. Same with the depression. Listen to Trina and check out the mindful.org site. It will do you wonders.

Medication isn't everything. We have to do mindfulness, and other coping skills. I do meditation to help. Today I am going cross country skiing. Walking helps. Medication is just a part of it.

Try not to worry about how you feel all the time. Just live... Life is short Andy. Enjoy it as much as you can.

Hugs, Karen...

This is like talking into a mirror for me as I am in the middle of the same forest fire, sad to say. I was taking gabapentin for pain and a couple of things for depression and sleep. I hated the gabapentin and weaned myself off of it- yes my pain seemed to get worse but it was already troublesome, even on the med. I just was not tolerating the weight gain and mental fog very well anymore. When I explained the issues to my VA health care doc he really did understand. Suggested I try Lyrica instead as it was a "cleaner" version of the gabapentin. Tried for a few days and then decided to just be however the creator made me for a bit and see if I was really a mess or just a broke down old gal. I did manage to get off the one AD after a while but boy am I ever depressed. Good news is that I have lost 40 pounds (was never heavy until I began on AD so many years ago). Next thing to come off the list was the Quetiapine. That one is harder as I do not sleep well when depressed and lack of sleep makes me more down. Anyway, just got the doc to send me some lower dose pills to wean off that. My plan is to be totally me for a while and then decide for myself what I need in order to stay alive, if you get my drift. I sure hope you are on your way to get better (I also am returning to the therapist, hoping for a non chemical way to feel better). You are in my thoughts and prayers. K