need some help

hello there I am a 15 year entering my sophomore year in one month. I have had depression on and off, for example in 8th grade I had it and in 9th it went away. However im feeling really bad right now. I am very shy to people Im not friends with. I have very few friends and most are not that close. I can see them stop being friends with me soon. I have very hard time making new friends. Im scared of 10th grade. Also, im extremely self conscious. Im chubby. not attractive. I want someone to love but its nearly impossible for me to become friends with a girl. I have hard times talking to one and my low self esteem makes that harder. Please give me some help, thank you.

Hi Michael24~

I'm very glad you posted here. You are not only among friends here but people who understand what you are talking about. We 'get it' because we too suffer from depression. It's critical that you get control of the depression and not suffer alone. Who in your life can you talk to? Mom? Another family member? School counselors are wonderful at helping but you need to tell someone and get to your family doctor soon. There are lots of medications that can help. It takes a while for the medications to begin to work - like 2-4 weeks is not uncommon - so be patient. Also, it may take some trial and error work to find a medication that works in you particular case.

Depression is an imbalance of many chemicals in the brain - it's NOT a weakness in you, it's a medical condition. It's no different than if you had diabetes you would get medical help for it. I put a link below that has some good information explaining depression and the bottom link is a helpline site if you need to talk to someone.

The reason I'm so concerned about you is a personal story I don't often share but I want you to know why you are so important to me. I raised 3 children - 2 sons and 1 daughter. My oldest son, the middle child, was always very close to me and even clingy especially when he was younger. But he was a happy and very bright child. He did well through school and seemed perfectly normal to me.

What I didn't know, and he hid very well, was he had depression. I found out years later that he had confided on his closest friend but no one shared it with me. When he was 23 my wonderful son took his own life and 18 years later I'm still in tears just writing this down. It was after his death that I found out that he had been suffering depression at least from age 11.

Michael24, I don't want anything like this to happen to you and your family! You are important to those who know and love you. There is a wonderful 'You' behind the depression and this will come out once the depression is under control. Please, please ask someone for help. If it's hard to speak to someone
then write a note and give it to that person. I've done things like that for many years and it works.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing. We're people just like you and we want to help

Warmly,
Chutz


https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/what-causes-depression
https://psychcentral.com/lib/telephone-hotlines-and-help-lines/

Have you talked to your parents?

As side from that, you have been given good advice
If you look at our resource thread at the top here.

There is a link for teenagers. That maybe a help for you.
Peace and strength.
Trina

Feeling like you'll never be loved IS bad depression. You dont have a mild case hun and it may not get better by itself. I suffered clinical depression since childhood. I did not receive help because my mother believed mental stuff meant weakness. I suffered for it and tried to end my life when I was 20 and again at 37 and 46. Unfortunately my 3 children suffered the same gene I guess because all three became depressed by 5th grade. I got them help early with councelors that didn't tell me what they said and psychiatrists who managed low doses of antidepressents and anti-anxiety meds. What a world of difference. To make a long story short, my eldest who is 24 is now living her life outside my home with a relationship and a job and a life she enjoys living and she's off meds. She just needed a little help to get back on her feet. My other two are responding nicely to therapy too. I know from personal experience that if you need help but you don't want your parents to know you can find free clinics who are willing to see you or a sliding fee scale and won't demand your parents names and numbers. When I was 20 I went on this system. Its terrible, I'll warn you and you'll meet some colorful people in the waiting room for the free mental health clinics, but you can get what you need on your own. You can choose to tell your parents when you are good and ready. I didn't tell my mother until my wedding night when someone slipped and mentioned it to her. I was surprized at how supportive she was after all these years of telling me I had no right to depressed. She was sad I hadn't told her sooner. Your parents do love you even if you're not close. They want to help you but may not know how. Be your own advocate and call a crisis line and ask for help finding resources in your area. Take care of yourself now before it's too late.
Kyyndred