Hi folks, I'm back

hey Nice, you remind a bit of my BIL - he had a funky, spoiled type upbringing, never learned any legitimate life skills, got kicked in the nads too many times physically and emotionally, put a little too much effort into meth and now is a total mess - he's back on our property after almost a year of flailing around in the world unattached -

my opinion is he needs to be reprogrammed - he needs to unlearn all of the destructive habits he's acquired over the last 45+ years - but the only way to do that is some sort pseudo incarceration/constant supervision type environment - he's just been so out of touch with the real world, he doesn't have the tools the fix the giant hole in his rapidly sinking ship - but how does that work - haven't figured it out yet -

Visited any kennels/humane societies yet to try-before-you-buy? Nothing like a healthy dose of doggy tail wagging, slobber, and playing to sway your mood for the better. It's great you had a series of good days but sucks the melancholy returned (feels totally devastating is more like it). However, just like any other chronic illness, depression is going to have wild swings between good and bad spirits, just happens. There will be more good swings over time until they become the norm.

TroubledTurds said...
hey Nice, you remind a bit of my BIL - he had a funky, spoiled type upbringing, never learned any legitimate life skills, got kicked in the nads too many times physically and emotionally, put a little too much effort into meth and now is a total mess - he's back on our property after almost a year of flailing around in the world unattached -

Yeah, great. If you count being bullied by 3 older brothers with nobody stepping in throughout my entire childhood and putting zero effort into meth, I'm sure I'm identical to your BIL.

Okay, I've seen your second post. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit annoyed by the first one, but I do take your point now. You may be right about your BIL being need to be "reprogrammed". Hell, maybe that's what I need too. Unfortunately, apart from excruciatingly expensive drug rehabilitation centres, I don't know of any such facility available. One thing I have considered is returning to studying and trying to get a degree in something practical, like IT. But that is a) expensive and b) hard work. You need a lot of self-discipline to study as an adult. But it does give a focus and and an end goal - is that something the BIL could do or is he too far gone?

@iPoop - Not yet! I am considering waiting until after Christmas, when, sadly, there will probably be a glut of unwanted puppies and dogs.

@Hedgie - I'm sorry :-( I hope you feel better tomorrow.

I think there were a couple of reasons why yesterday was so bad for me. First, I had a really upsetting dream that I tried to forget about as soon I had woken up and realised it was a dream. But I think it stayed with me and affected my mood. Second, I had a couple of conversations on Twitter which frustrated me. The second was the worst one.

In both cases they were people trying to help me but inadvertently ended up making things worse. The first woman ended up asking me did I really want to get better? No love, I just love being depressed and suicidal almost as much as I love having Crohn's - I don't want either to go away.

The second convo was with the guy who gave me advice on volunteering. He kept on trying to get me to see my GP and I kept on saying there was no point and trying to explain why. (Long waiting times, seen her lots of times already, nothing new she could do for me.) He then said something about how you can only get get better if you want to get better. That irked me, and I said something like I'm sick of people with depression being blamed for their own mental illness. He accused me of twisting his words and said goodbye. (He did at least manage to wish me well, so I will give him credit for that at least.)

Can't remember what I said but whatever it was, he started speaking to me again. He tried to strike up another convo but I couldn't face talking, so I didn't answer.

I can't see becoming friends with this guy unfortunately. Firstly I don't really like the overfamiliar way he addresses me. It reminds me of somebody else and I need that like I need a hole in the head. That said, that's not as bad as his hypersensitivity: I've seen him accuse others of being rude and blocking them over things said that I wouldn't think anything of personally.

I knew it would only be a matter of time before I offended him and so it proved. I can't have a friendship where there's a lot of arguments. I'm negative: if you can't accept that about me then don't be friends with me.

I am living an awful lot in my own head and I would like to get out of that though. I just can't relate to anybody enough to get out of my own head for.

I hate when people say you only get better when you want to get better. They must not understand chronic illness at all. Trust me, i wanted to be better when I was flaring with UC, and I tried everything to get it into remission, nothing worked. it wasn't because I didn't want to get better. Some people have difficult cases to treat. Yeah, we walk around depressed "because we want to", that makes a lot of sense...

I would love to pull myself out of whatever state I am constantly in that makes me see everything as negative and awful. Unfortunately, it's not that simple. When people see a newborn and coo over how lovely it is, all I see is a poor individual who will have to suffer through a long life of trying to make ends meet. I don't think it's cute, or nice. I don't think the parents are selfless - in fact i think the opposite. This is space my head lives in, and there's no way to change it. I am not suddenly going to see things the other way, I wish I could.

Hey iPoop - I had no idea you used to be so depressed. It really does sound similar to how I am now, barring having a job (even if it was one you hated).

I presume you changed jobs at some point to something you liked better?

Would love to say more, but I really really need to go to bed now >.>

Yeah did change jobs too and that helped too.

I wouldn't worry so much about that. There's lots of reasons people have gaps in employment (even from taking sabbaticals for leisure or due to life events/crisis's). I'd say if you were to work, it should be something you truly enjoy as otherwise it may only add to the stress/anxiety, which is something you do not need. Lots of stressful occupations that give you nothing but trouble. I say that there's a reason they pay you to go to work, as it's often not very fun stuff to do and you most certainly wouldn't do it for free!

There's a lucky few who enjoy their work.

Post Edited (iPoop) : 11/28/2018 2:13:44 PM (GMT-7)

I think it is feasible actually. At the same time, doing all the schooling and everything, to get a job, which you may like, or may lament, seems risky when you're currently able to get assistance. What if you hate it, can you go backwards easily? I think it would be smart for you to volunteer before committing to a full-time position. If you volunteer, you can continue to get your benefits, and see how you feel about having work obligations everyday. I personally find that the workplace makes me more depressed, and often the more time I spend working, the more depressed I feel. the majority of the negativity and depression that hits me, hits when something at work made me feel bad about myself - and that happens fairly regularly. I start to feel like I don't progress in general, that I am paid less than my male counterparts, not confident in my abilities, think others are more capable, people are speaking down to me (which they truly are)... All sorts of awful circumstances. Committing to an obligation that you're required to do on a daily basis to financially support yourself is a big responsibility. I wish I had a trust fund. I definitely wouldn't do the work I do.

"I know for me, I cut cords with people I know won't make me better, and won't make me want to succeed more. My friends all help my drive and ambition to be greater.....so if you truly want to meet people and have friends and not be alone, you need to change your mindset and become a positive person and boost people up, not bring them down, if you can't do that......then reality is you may end up with your fears of being alone long term "

exactly - everyone has challenges and limitations in their lives - but within those boundaries, we all make choices every day that determine the course of our lives - our thoughts and actions can be different if we decide to make them different -

Everyone I know is fairly dark humored. I don't have a lot of people in my life, but there are tons of people with this attitude out there. I bet it's about half and half. Maybe we will never fit in with the A Type positive people, but there are plenty of introverts who literally have to drag themselves out of their homes and hate dealing with people in general - see everything as crap. My significant other is worse than I am with his attitude. I don't think I could pretend to be someone else forever... better off finding some folks from the other 50% of the population. Actually, even the most positive A Types I know, usually have a tinge of it somewhere in there. They just don't talk about it regularly. I don't know anyone who walks around thinking "everything's great" all the time. Maybe folks who don't have responsibilities, obligations or financial concerns.

haha, that made me laugh.

I hate to be negative, but i have the least possible interaction with people at my current place of employment. There is no way I could interface less than I do. Until all the old generation of dinosaurs either retire or die, there is no better position for me. There is a certain generation of people who think women should be subservient and they speak to us in a way that is a "put down" (the current president is one of these people and it drives the attitude to be more rampant), and they are everywhere in the corporate world. I hate to say I want to see a generation disappear, but the workplace would be better for women without them. Look at the picture of corporations, it's obvious. Look at who leads them... it's 1000 to 1. It's no wonder we are not represented. The business world is a man's world, set up by them, made for them to flourish. We are living in it, trying to get a scrap, often "supporting them".

I don't think I'd be quick to give up government assistance if I had it. Since I don't though, I am thankful I never had it, because I make a better living without. I wouldn't miss the stress or condescending attitudes. I guess if I were doing something less corporate it might be better, like working at a retail desk somewhere. Though I'd likely be broke and unable to support myself. I am sure it's all the same ultimately, a lot of retail shops are owned by a conglomerate with the same hierarchy I hate so much.

Eh, I am just good for nothing. Probably dug my own grave by being useless or lazy, or being born to the wrong family. I can say however, if money wasn't a primary concern, i would do more. Since my family was so ill-prepared financially, it put me in a hole that's nearly impossible to get out of. A few years of school can set you back 40k here, or much more. A few thousand sounds pretty darn good to me!

Look here:
https://www.affordablecollegesonline.org/financial-aid/online-college-degree-cost/

that's about undergrad, I need advanced. That says 21k yearly and it's called "affordable colleges online". I don't really want to spend that to get a piece of paper. I have a ton of experience, and I am likely more qualified than the majority of people with advanced degrees - doing something and studying something are not the same. It's kind of a load of crap and it's expensive, but i guess if it was necessary for a certain job, I would consider it. At the moment, i can't see myself moving around. We will see what the future holds.

Ditto NCOT's advice. Kara, I was very unhappy, knew I was seriously underpaid and underappreciated in the same job for 14 years and scared about leaving it (hadn't interviewed in forever, didn't have a good resume, I had tons of excuses why, etc etc). However, after encouragement from my spouse and others I finally did and was very happy I did. Just worked on a killer resume, and started sending them out on the sly, while I got my weekly paycheck from old job. I had the biggest grin when I landed a new job, told my old boss that I needed a X-thousands of dollars raise to meet-or-beat my new job offer or else this was my 2-weeks notice (I shocked them all, and they were scrambling to figure out how to fill the void with me leaving so soon). The bottom line is you deserve better, and you're experience makes lateral-moves (same job between different companies) exceedingly easy which then opens up paths upward in a new company. Easy interviews too (have you done X? Yes for the past 10 -years; mix and repeat throughout whole interview). That's what I did and got a big pay increase (kept telling old company I was worth a lot more lol). If you're not switching jobs every 4-5 years, then statistically you're underpaid and not getting promotions like you should be. Staying at the same job 15-20 years won't get you promoted up the ranks, rather you get typecast into the role you're in. As management knows, from experience, that they can underpay you and overwork you.

There's lots of progressive companies out there, and with a bit of research I bet you can find a company who has a female CEO, and/or upper management. There's still sexist, all-boy's-club CEO/management companies out there but there are many others that are not, especially in your southern-CA area (a liberal/progressive battalion). You can use sites like glassdoor.com, to read up on employees reviews of the company and management before applying for a job there. Lots of resources these days so you don't get caught in a trap at another place that's no better. And certainly write some honest, negative reviews of your current employer on those sites to warn others!

Post Edited (iPoop) : 12/5/2018 6:39:21 AM (GMT-7)