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Holidays can be hard

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Posted 11/21/2018 10:44 PM (GMT 0)
Hi All,
I'm new here. I'm sure I'm not the only one who finds holiday times-spent with family- or not- can be a struggle. I set boundaries with my mother so I only see her for a couple holidays and other family events. My dad died over 25 years ago, so holidays can bring back bittersweet memories. I am choosing to celebrate Thanksgiving with a friend this year, her parents have both passed, so we and a handful of others are making our own "family" for the day.
I'm teary today, emotional and I feel a bit raw. I think I need a good cry and perhaps a good night's sleep will help.
I'm looking forward to meeting all of you.
Posted 11/22/2018 12:14 AM (GMT 0)
G'DAY hedgie.
Yep ..I hear ya. I too do similar ....and have a group of mates...that are me family. Bar a couple here..the others are overseas. Family is what we create....I have bro's and sisters that are more bro's and sisters than in my direct family.

I have accepted the process now and have surrendered to the dysfunction of it...thus no longer striving and pushing to keep it together. The realisation that certain members are indifferent to this...and the anger of it is now diminished is now a uplifting process for me.

Sorry about ya dad. I get it a little...however my father is not deceased....albeit he left when I was one.

Boundaries are important... well done. Your family group... awesome. Hoping the the tears abate..but they do help with healing. May peace be with you.

Welcome to hw. My first post was along time ago..and it has been a warm learning and supportive community that continues to do the above.

HW family awaits you...and you may add to your family! I certainly have. Keep strong...support and care is here. HT
Posted 11/22/2018 3:39 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome Hedgie,

Do you like hedgehogs? I love them! do not have them for pets though.

Yes holidays can be hard.

You have landed in a supportive and caring environment! So you are not alone.

We all have or are going through the same type of emotions you are experiencing. This is a natural process.
Try to fine peace in the moment when you can.

Here is a link that may help you.

https://www.mindful.org/overcoming-extreme-holiday-stress/

I wish you a peaceful and safe thanksgiving.
Trina
Posted 11/22/2018 7:13 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Hedge,

Happy Thanksgiving to you!!! I am glad you have friends that you can spend this time with. That is wonderful. I am having my husband's son and his girlfriend and children over this year. First company we have had in a real long time. It is usually just the two of us.

When I was young, I had to set huge boundaries with my mother. The stress from being around her effected my health. So I basically didn't see her much. It is sad but that was the way it was. Family can be toxic and that is a fact. But family isn't always blood. Having people that love you makes them feel like family. Which they become.

I hope you have a lovely day. Keep posting as it helps.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 11/23/2018 8:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hi HT,
Thanks for responding. I met a handful of people yesterday at the dinner, a variety of personality and life experience. It was good. Confirmed that I didn't need blood relatives to make it a holiday. I'm glad you have your own self-made family group. I'm sorry you didn't have your father around while you were growing up, it's a loss of a different kind. Today is cold and gloomy and I've been parked on the couch fighting off a migraine, ugh. Hope you're having a good day.
Hedgie
Posted 11/23/2018 9:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Trina,
I hope you had a good Thanksgiving. Thanks for the link, I am going to pursue meditation. It sounds like a good skill to learn. My head is messed up with a migraine today and I have barely left the dark room and seat on the couch today. Hope your day is going better.
Hedgie
I don't have any as pets either, they're so cute, aren't they?!?!?!
Posted 11/23/2018 9:19 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Karen,
How was your Thanksgiving with youth husband's son and family? If I remember correctly you were using a back up oven? Was it hectic or did everyone go with the flow? I would be tired if I hosted the meal!
I'm sorry that you had to put some big boundaries for your mom. But you have to do what's healthy for you. I know my mom just doesn't get it. She thinks she can do or say whatever she wants without consequence. She actually admitted to needing to control me, and when she realized what she said, shut up in a hurry! Ha!
I hope your day is going ok.
Hedgie
Posted 11/23/2018 10:20 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Hedgie,

Everybody kind of went with the flow yesterday and even helped, I was so thankful. Everything went well except I forgot to put out a fruit salad that I made. I got a lot of fruit salad to eat now. I love fruit though so that is okay I guess.

It is tiring especially because it is just hubby and I. I was so happy to see family though. And a friend of mine stopped in today. I hadn't seen her in over 20 years. We had an awesome visit. I truly enjoyed it.

I am glad you had a good Thanksgiving too. It came and went fast.

Have a wonderful evening...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 11/24/2018 11:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Karen,
I'm so glad your family helped you and it was a good time. Oops about the fruit salad, I have done that! I was lucky this year that the only thing I needed to prepare was a green salad. I was spoiled! I'm working on encouraging a friend who is back in town as her parents aren't doing well. Sometimes its hard to do when I am not my best. It seems like a daily struggle to accept reality- life not as expected.
We are expecting a bunch of snow. Ugh. It seems too early for this! It looks pretty but I don't like having to deal with it.
Posted 11/25/2018 5:05 AM (GMT 0)
The heat awaits the turtle. Cold... wind rain...hail..no probs...but when BB we push forty and above this turtle does not cope well. Keep strong...to U all.
Posted 11/25/2018 1:47 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Hedgie,

It is hard helping others when we are suffering too. But sometimes it takes our mind off of our own problems. I wish strength for you.

Yes, got a lot of fruit salad to eat. Good thing I like it.

We are getting snow too. Rained yesterday.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 11/27/2018 2:44 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Hedgie,

So I am so glad you met people for a meal. good feeling indeed.

I am separated from my husband and enstranged from all 14 of blood relatives do to speaking out about childhood abuse. At least I have not gifts to buy this week. I do not like shopping. Unless it is for books.

I get migraines too. Daily pain level is around a 6. Neurologist just sent to a pain doc who will work with him.
so I still have hope for a level 3-4 daily. Which is nothing to me. Been battling since 2006.

I do have 2 dogs. I love dogs, can't imagine a life without a dog.

Meditation, great skill, I had a little struggle getting focused, but finally did.

There is a free app to down load on your phone. INSIGHT TIMER. Great app. If you don't like it you can uninstall it. Sarah Blodin is one of my favorites.

Peace and strength
Trina
Posted 12/6/2018 6:39 AM (GMT 0)

BnotAfraid said...
Hi Hedgie,

So I am so glad you met people for a meal. good feeling indeed.

I am separated from my husband and enstranged from all 14 of blood relatives do to speaking out about childhood abuse. At least I have not gifts to buy this week. I do not like shopping. Unless it is for books.

I get migraines too. Daily pain level is around a 6. Neurologist just sent to a pain doc who will work with him.
so I still have hope for a level 3-4 daily. Which is nothing to me. Been battling since 2006.

I do have 2 dogs. I love dogs, can't imagine a life without a dog.

Meditation, great skill, I had a little struggle getting focused, but finally did.

There is a free app to down load on your phone. INSIGHT TIMER. Great app. If you don't like it you can uninstall it. Sarah Blodin is one of my favorites.

Peace and strength
Trina

Hi TRINA,

You are in same boat as me,I have extremely successful 30 cousins (1st cousins)whom I never talk to.

All they can do is mock me for being a loser.

I am divorced ,single ,no kids ,no career whatsoever yet.

I do not want them to know my living situation so I never talk to them even on facebook,instagram,twitter.

FEW have y email address but I do not reply back or call them with new number.

They might even call me oddball or loner but differences are plenty as instead of providing emotional support and warmth ,they look for envy and personal unhealthy competetion.
Their kids would never know me ,that's it.
Posted 12/7/2018 1:35 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Hedgie
Hope you are doing well
Holidays are tough for me too- especially Christmas
My dad who was the biggest Christmas lover died Dec 15th 2001- that year I lost my spirit. Lights and decorations angered me.
My brother died Dec 9 2009
My mom was actively dying 1200 miles away last Christmas and I got the call it was time to come New Years eve- she passed Jan 4.
Sigh
Posted 12/7/2018 11:03 PM (GMT 0)
WearyRAsufferer,
I'm so sorry you have multiple anniversaries at this time of the year. I hope you are able to bring to mind positive memories...without too much pain.
Does your sorrow seem better/worse by time of day? Evenings are harder for me. That saying of darkest before the dawn.
I have better days and worse days but I haven't felt good for any length of time, in years.
I'm just thinking about how much we really don't have control over...Sorry, I seem to be rambling on.
I wish you a weekend of peace.
Posted 12/8/2018 2:47 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for your kindness Hedgie
Yes I awake 2 ish or 3 ish am and I’m a wreck
No one knows my depression or anguish except here
I always put on a happy face and carry on in my day to day
I do have 2 happy reasons to enjoy this Christmas and I’m doing my best to focus on them
I have a brand new first grandchild and I have my 95 year old MIL living with us for awhile and she is the sweetest woman on earth
It is very special to have her here with us at Christmas because who knows how many more years she’ll be here? To have 4 generations celebrating a holiday is a blessing
But I have to say at times I have such a strong need to just have quiet and not have to put up a good front
Wishing you peace and good stretch of time with a feeling of well being both in body and in mind
Weary
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