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Posted 12/6/2018 12:59 AM (GMT 0)
Firstly, I read your reply to nssg, iPoop. I thought it was really good and I hope it can help nssg realise she doesn't have to stay stuck at a job she hates. Especially nowadays, when the concept of a job for life has largely gone and people are almost expected to change jobs every few years.

Secondly, I went wild and bought a new Kindle. But now I don't know what to put on it. I once read half the first Games of Thrones book and now Amazon is going to recommend the GoT series to me until George R R Martin finishes the last two books or the heat death of the universe - whichever comes first. The last book I read was The Humans. The premise was good and it started off well, but it got tediously preachy towards the end. Also, I couldn't help thinking that the alien managed to blend into human society a hell of a lot better than me. So as a metaphor it just didn't ring true for me.

Anyway I'd better go. Got an MRI scan *and* opthalmology appointment tomorrow - the excitingness of my life knows no bounds, truly. Goodnight folks. Take care.
Posted 12/6/2018 1:25 AM (GMT 0)
I don't actually hate my job, I've always liked it for the most part. I am a bit bored at the moment, but that happens... Yes, there are some people who speak down to people, but I've had a lot of jobs, and it's like that everywhere. I have a good situation - I am very lucky. Sure, it gets boring and tedious, and I have to deal with people I don't like here and there, but I am not in a big rush to move to another company. I don't believe I would find something better. For me, a job is a job, and sure, more money would be nice, but it's not worth it if I am going to end up somewhere that is intolerable. The jobs I had before this one were much worse. I am better off where I am. I think that's the main thing that worries me about changing positions. If i have had 20 jobs and all of them were much, much worse than this one, the odds of the next one being worse is very high. 1 in 20 is not good odds.
Posted 12/6/2018 1:50 AM (GMT 0)
NSSG, I think I would stay where I was if I were you too. We have to tolerate a lot working. Even though we shouldn't. There is always someone or something that can make it worse. I never worked a job that didn't have people that got jealous or just were so miserable that they made everybody else feel the same. I remember working in a bakery and this woman would come in and she was always a "B". I ended up winning her over and then she was nice. But it was work. Not that I had to, but I wanted to see if I could get her attitude to change. I was nice to her and maybe nobody else was. That was quite an accomplishment.

NCOT, Thanks for starting a new thread. I enjoyed reading a lot on your other one. I hope you have a good night and a good day tomorrow. Good luck with all your appointments.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 12/6/2018 3:22 AM (GMT 0)
NCOT. glad to here you sounding perky and upbeat. Did you get a FIRE or newer? I synced all my old stuff onto my new.

NSSG. I could work, been on disability since 2011. and I loved my job. Yes I complained about people I worked with.

But you know, in hindsight. If I could work again, I would treasure each moment, allow for everyone unless they were down right viscous. Everyone has their stuff, I know that now. We never know what they are dealing with at home.

My supervisor that gave me such a hard time, when management blew her off so many times, 4 years later I saw her in the same inpatient hospital. She was very embarrassed, I told her no worries. She had a time.

So think about why it is you want a new job. If you bored, is there room to grow and can you ask for a promotion? IF not work on your resume, at least this will make you feel productive until you decide what it is you want .

Write stuff down as you ponder, change careers, move up, move lateral, stay and go back to school.
Are you doing what you wanted? Did you have a dream? It is never to late..... If you are breathing you can try to achieve it.

I wish you peace and strength
Trina
Posted 12/6/2018 3:52 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the advice everyone. I do not want a new job. I like my job, i always have! I complain, but only because I spend so much time working. I don't know how this got tilted into my job situation being "terrible". My job is pretty good. I work for mostly very nice, respectful people - with a few bad apples tossed in there. I think when I was trying to explain to NCOT about work being frustrating at times, it got interpreted as "i hate my job". I was just being realistic that if you're on assistance, it may not be worth giving it up to take a chance on a job you may or may not love, if you're not sure you can go backwards. Working sounds like a great thing, and yes, if I wasn't able to do it, I would take it very hard, but it's not all rosy. Let's be realistic. When you're the big cheese it's one thing, but when you're a little cog in a big machine, it may be romanticized to feel like it's somehow fulfilling. I need to work to make a living though - I am thankful for my position. I am very lucky. Moving around wouldn't help me, finding something that I feel more fulfilled might, but we've already concluded that I am not really in a position to start a new path at the moment. All of my dream jobs don't pay anything.
Posted 12/7/2018 12:10 AM (GMT 0)
@nssg - Okay. I don't think I have ever seen you say you like your job before. But I have seen you say many times that you wish you had enough money to not need to work. Plus you sounded as though you really do despise the people you work for. That's all fair enough. But you can't then be surprised that the main impression I gathered from your posts were that you didn't love working.

I mean, it would be like me sounding surprised that people thought I was depressed.

@Karen - Thanks :p The appointments went okay. The MRI scan went off without a hitch - the litre of liquid they give you to drink beforehand is brutal, however. It's worse than Movi-Prep. Maybe it is Movi-Prep. In evil disguise. At any rate, it'll be a few weeks before I get the results. As for the eye appointment, my eyes are currently free of inflammation, which is good. But I'm still taking steroid drops once a day, so the opthalmologist prescribed a weaker steroid in order to try and wean me off the drops completely.

@Bnot - I got the Kindle Voyage actually. Had to get it off eBay though, as Amazon have discontinued in favour of selling their super duper deluxe Oasis model. And it was £35 cheaper than it would have been on Amazon, but still brand new.

Next step: new laptop. The one I have is inherited from my mum and was a budget buy back in 2012 or whenever. I feel justified in splashing out on a new laptop that I can make last for several years. A desktop would be a better investment in a way, as that's easier to upgrade - but I've gotten used to the convenience of a laptop and lying on the sofa with it.

Oh, I've found my first book :p Didn't want anything too heavy or depressing, so I went for a nerdy sci fi called Ready Player One. I knew I had made the right choice when in the opening chapter the fictional videogame genius, James Halliday, revealed his favourite Atari 2600 game was Adventure. So was mine! Me and my brother loved that game. We still talk about it fondly.

Going back to jobs again... I often wish I had pursued a career. But I didn't and it's so so much harder to start now than it would be if I was 20. It's not like I can even go to anyone for guidance: when you're a teenager you have career advisors, people you can talk to. Now I would have to do everything alone, with a doubting mum on the side: I shouldn't need her approval but in a way I do. I've thought about trying to get an IT degree but would it really lead to jobs or would it end up being a meaningless piece of paper? How do I avoid the latter situation? I don't want to follow in the footsteps of my older brother, who did do an IT degree about ten years ago. However, I don't think he got a very good result; plus his minor subject was in something completely unrelated to IT (history). Either way, what he didn't do was go into the IT field. In fact it didn't seem to make it any easier for him to find work at all.

Anyway, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night so I'm gonna try going to bed earlier tonight. Taking my Kindle with me of course :p
Posted 12/7/2018 2:56 AM (GMT 0)
Yes, you hit the nail on the head. That's exactly it. I don't like working in general. I wouldn't do it if I didn't need to! It's not my job in particular that is the problem, actually quite the opposite. As far as jobs go, it is okay, pretty good in fact.

I think you could make use of an IT degree... a minor is pretty much useless no matter what it is. Whether it's history, or business, or IT, or art, it doesn't matter - it's never a consideration in hiring around here. It's just a little something you manage to do while you're doing your main studies. If you wanted to, you could get an IT degree and do something of interest. The key in my opinion is that you have a goal. You would need to know where you're headed. The thing that is tough, is that you may or may not have hand-on skills that would lean you toward having a foot in the door. I personally have a lot of experience admining systems. I have been doing this since i was a teenager, so if I went into that path, obviously I would be more geared toward moving forward faster. Schooling is weird. it feels like it teaches you steps, but not always how to understand the system itself.

Realistically, sometimes it doesn't matter. Half the jobs out there you don't have to do anything. I can't tell you how many people are trying to make work for other people, work that 99% of the time gets tossed in the trash. Are you talking IT like support desk? Or IT like project management? Or IT engineering? Or IT like systems administration? I have hit a point where it comes down to money for me, so if i were going into that field, i would look at payscale and pick whatever pays well. When you're selling your time for a buck, you might as well get as much as you can for it. I don't like selling my time personally. Support desk doesn't pay well.
Posted 12/7/2018 2:09 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Kara sorry if I took it wrong about your job lol, I'm just a dumb guy and all haha. I get it, we all complain about our jobs. We work because we need the money for food and a roof over our heads, not because it is fun (and coworkers, manager and office-politics can be trouble at times).

NCOT, well one consideration is where are the IT jobs/companies available? Are they anywhere near where you reside, today? Would you be willing to move for a job? You can do some IT job searches on the web and see where they are at, how far, etc. I have no idea what the tech-job-market is like in your area.
Posted 12/7/2018 3:23 PM (GMT 0)
@nssg - Oh okay. I knew you didn't like work in general, but I also thought it was the job itself which was the problem. If you like the actual work, then you are actually quite lucky in that respect. When I used to work I used to find the work so boring - a trained monkey could have done what I did. (Data entry.) I know nobody enjoys being bored, but I had an exceptionally low tolerance for it. In retrospect I can see that was probably down to the undiagnosed autism/ADD. I didn't function like 'normal' people because I wasn't a 'normal' person.

I have no idea what type of IT I'm talking about, other than it can't be a support desk: the only thing I hate more than talking to people is talking to people over the phone. And I suspect the repititious script would send me round the bend very quickly. Project management sounds like it would need good people skills, so I don't think that would be suitable for me either. As for IT engineering, I only have the vaguest idea what that is - I would need to find out what it is and whether I could do it.

@iPoop - Hell, I would be willing to move abroad. It's whether I'm emotionally capable of doing it without having a nervous breakdown and ending back at square one. I doubt there is much of an IT industry here, but I'm near to London and Oxford and could commute if necessary. (Would prefer Oxford as the commute to London is a horrowshow.) Just doing IT job searches doesn't really help, if I don't know what I'm looking for - did a search for IT jobs near me just now. 'Support engineer' seems to be the most common.

To be honest, the thing that really really puts me off even trying to go back to work are the job interviews. I just feel sick thinking about them. That said, I should probably worry about the degree first.... But I just feel so utterly unemployable.

Post Edited (NiceCupOfTea) : 12/7/2018 8:26:27 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 12/8/2018 1:10 AM (GMT 0)
Urgh, my anxiety/agitation has come back. It's probably my Generalised Anxiety Disorder: the capital letters make it More Serious. It's incredibly annoying, as I can piss away whole days doing nothing much of anything because I can't relax. It's like I'm mentally on high alert and my brain can't/won't stand down.

Would meditation help with something like this? Sometimes going out for a couple of hours and getting fresh air helps. But late at night that isn't a valid option. Codeine used to take the edge off for a few hours, but now it's like taking a sugar pill - I have never taken it every day, but I seem to have built a tolerance all the same.

I've just remembered my mum gave me some beta blockers a while ago! Going to try one.

*hour later* I do think it has actually helped. Off to bed now anyway. Goodnight folks :p

Post Edited (NiceCupOfTea) : 12/7/2018 7:12:16 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 12/8/2018 8:43 AM (GMT 0)
How did your tests go ncot? I hate that you're feeling so anxious. I hope you can find something to help relax. I have been using my nightguard lately and that really helps me. I know it sounds silly but when I clench my teeth throughout the night, it makes me very anxious and tense. I think meditation could help, but I don't know much about how to do it myself - I do personally know some people who use yoga to manage anxiety and it's fun and active, it could be something fun to try. I usually do your other favorite activity, walk around out in the world. That seems to help me, but you know, I have pets and they are definitely my "rock".

John, you're definitely not just a regular "guy", you're quite in tune with people. I wasn't direct about my situation. I am not all that great at expressing it actually. I guess often I do relate it to my job, but really, that's not my problem, the problem is spending all my time worried about making a buck, that's what gets to me. I would love to do something else.... maybe spend my time enjoying my time instead of worrying about the bottomline all the time. Money is such a bore, but supporting yourself is great, it's contradictory.
Posted 12/8/2018 3:07 PM (GMT 0)
Meditation does help NCOT. I use it with an occasional Xanax. I hope you can get rid of the anxiety. I wish you the best...

Hi NNSG...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 12/9/2018 2:44 PM (GMT 0)
Hi folks. Was at my parents' house yesterday. Went out with my mum in the afternoon to do a little bit of shopping. Spent a long time in a 2nd hand bookshop - I rarely buy anything there, but I do enjoy browsing.

Now I'm struggling with loneliness again. Starting to hate the days I have nobody to talk to. Even (especially?) on Twitter, I feel invisible. There's no one to talk to on there and half the time my tweets don't get any response - not even a single 'like'. If it wasn't for you guys, the internet would be an even lonelier place for me :-/ I don't know where to find new online communities that I can be a part of. In the past I just... stumbled across them, but that hasn't happened in years. HW may well be the last one I found by accident!

Maybe I will try an autism forum again. I didn't get on with the ones I tried a few years ago, but perhaps if I take the chip off my shoulder it will go better :-/ Another thing I've thought about doing - once I get a new laptop - is playing an online game with a large community (most likely an MMORPG). The games I play at the moment are all rather solitary. If I kept up with new games there would be more people talking about them, but all the games I play are a few years old.

@nssg - Yeah, my tests went fine. Eyes are clear for the moment; the opthalmologist prescribed me a weaker steroid drop to see if that still keeps the inflammation at bay. Trouble is, the hospital pharmacy only had enough for 20 days, so I'm going to have go through the nightmare of dealing with my GP surgery to get more.

@Karen - I ought to give it a go. Pity Headspace turned out to be a rip off - I'll see if I can find another free (or cheap!) meditation app. I don't want to use YouTube - the choice will do my head in.

PS: I spoke to my mum about work. She was down on the idea of me getting a degree - like I expected - but not against me working in general. She's a keen reader of the news and knows as well as I do the sort of poverty that the Tories are putting people into. I'm not exempt. Just because it hasn't happened to me yet doesn't mean it won't happen. The government is removing the safety net at the bottom of society and sooner or later my safety net will be taken away. I won't inherit money and I certainly won't ever marry into it - my only option for supporting myself will be working.

PPS: Sorry for another lengthy post.

Post Edited (NiceCupOfTea) : 12/9/2018 8:17:19 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 12/9/2018 3:39 PM (GMT 0)
Don't be sorry about lengthy posts. Your posts are pretty interesting. The secret to the meditation is to pay attention to your breathing and occupying your mind by a word that doesn't mean anything. I do it every night to fall asleep. You can get into more complicated things but I don't think it necessary. I chose a word with four syllables. I breathe in for one and out for another. It doesn't let you go thinking about things. Before I know it, I am asleep. Email me if you want more info on how I do this. I will gladly share.

Have a wonderful day!

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 12/9/2018 10:42 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Karen *starts composing 3000 word post* :p

The seroquel worked like a charm for getting me to sleep for the first few months. Unfortunately, as with everything else, my blasted brain seems to have built up a tolerance to it. So it still works (I think), but not as well. Please do feel free to email me your meditation method - I will try it.

I was having a fairly good day until I ate dinner and then felt rubbish afterwards - my crappy digestion disturbs my equilibrium sad Not much I can do about that, except eat more lightly. Which is hard to do in winter when I am as cold and hungry as a ravenous wildebeest.
Posted 12/9/2018 10:49 PM (GMT 0)
I eat more heavier meals in the winter too. Especially when I feel cold. I must feel that the food will warm me up. I cook more in the winter too. Larger meals.

I will send you an email. I hope that the meditation helps you.

My puppy wants out of her crate. I am in love with her.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 12/10/2018 3:10 PM (GMT 0)
Certainly explore meditation, yoga, and anything that relaxes you. Try playing relaxing/soothing music. Light exercise releases endorphins that make you feel good, that can be a walk or any variety of exercise you can do within your flat (sit ups, push ups, to aerobics, yoga, stretching, to light weights). Dive into you gaming or a good novel to distract your overactive mind. You need a healthy escape.
Posted 12/10/2018 4:59 PM (GMT 0)
I actually think going to school, if you can do it without putting yourself in a financial hole, is a great distraction. It's on par with getting a job in my opinion. It will occupy your time, it will get you out in the world and it will force you to be a little bit social. You might meet some people and feel less lonely. You will gain confidence. Maybe you can take a class in something that interests you and not even worry about a degree at the moment. You could take something about writing, literature, art, cooking... I wouldn't get too caught up in the long-term goal at the moment personally, unless you want to - one step at a time I guess. I also wouldn't let your mom influence you against doing what you want. We are too old to have our parents holding us back at this point. Even if your class isn't at a university it can be a good experience.

I am happy your eyes are doing well. That is a relief.

Karen, when can we see a pic of this beautiful baby??
Posted 12/10/2018 6:05 PM (GMT 0)
NSSG, I don't know or can't figure out how to post a pic of Luna. She is all black so the pics don't come out good anyhow. But I wish I could share.

I clicked on image but it didn't go to my photos. If somebody knows how, let me know.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 12/10/2018 6:39 PM (GMT 0)
You'd have to post your image to an image sharing website, like imgur.com or photobucket.com, and then copy/paste the url here to a new post on healingwell.

As an example, here's my little winged-devil chewing up a toilet paper roll:
https://imgur.com/a3njx9t

And him being a ball of feathers while chasing tapping fingers around:
https://imgur.com/mthbquu
Posted 12/10/2018 7:37 PM (GMT 0)
It seems I used photobucket before to do this. I am not very computer savvy. Thanks for sharing the photo and video iPoop. That was cute. I enjoyed them.

NCOT, I sent you an email.

I hope all of you are having a good day. I been chasing the pup around trying to get things from her. She gets into everything.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 12/10/2018 8:21 PM (GMT 0)
The parrot looks a lot greener in the first pic. Lovely bird though.

Karen, thanks. I'll check it shortly. Bit knackered: have got back from yet another hospital visit for my eyes. My uveitis is back - it was clear last week sad Naturally, I had a flare up after the opthalmologist announced they were clear - that happens so often, I wonder if the various eye drops they put in and tests that they do aggravate the uveitis. I was also told that biologics can cause uveitis - u wot? But they're also used to treat uveitis! *bangs head against wall*

Re Luna pics - Do you have any pictures of her on your PC? Getting the pictures onto the PC is the first step. Then you can upload them to Imgur. You don't need to create an account for Imgur. Just go to here - https://imgur.com/upload

Then go to 'browse' and select the folder your pictures are in. Click on the picture and it should start uploading. Once it's finished, click on 'copy' in the top right corner and it should copy the link. Then it's ctrl + v to paste the link. Here, here's a bonus pic of my parents' garden in the summer.

https://imgur.com/a/cs6y7ul

@nssg - Unfortunately avoiding the financial black hole is the tricky part. Student loans don't have to be paid off until you're earning above a certain amount, but I still don't want to accumulate debt unnecessarily. As for adult evening classes, they're not much of a thing anymore. There is an arts centre near me which does various courses in arty things. I just dunno if I feel like doing an art class at the moment. Even though I'm good at art, it's always been hard for me to get really interested in it - I wish I could.
Posted 12/10/2018 9:49 PM (GMT 0)
https://imgur.com/a/pFF84lo

Lets see if this works
Posted 12/10/2018 9:51 PM (GMT 0)
I forgot the url so you have to copy and paste it in the browser. Thanks Miranda. I learned something new.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 12/11/2018 12:31 AM (GMT 0)
Ooh, she's lovely. So black. Even her eyes look black :p

Looks quite big for a puppy too. Is she an older puppy?

Haven't got your email yet, Karen - I'm guessing you sent it to my Yahoo account because nothing has arrived in my gmail inbox. I should really change the address on my profile page: I still use my Yahoo account, but I don't check it as often as my gmail one.
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