Newbie

Hi everyone! My name's Mish and I'm a teenager from South Africa. I'm very new to this (having read about online communities that help with depression but never really looking into it) so please tell me if I'm not doing this right.

Anyway, I've been suffering with depression since a very young age. And I know what most might be thinking now; "Yeah, yeah. Another teenager complaining about a midlife crises that he/she's labeling as depression." In all honesty, that's what I thought I was doing until a couple years ago. I mean, my mom's been shipping me off to psychologists since I was a little girl. Before I even knew what 'psychologist' meant, I was seeing at least 3. I still remember my first therapist. I hated her but she was the nicest woman ever. She took the terrible insults that I, then only 7 years old, threw at her during every session. Now, just to clarify, I've never been a disobedient or problematic child (unless you ask for my mother's opinion. In her eyes I was a one-way ticket to marrying my dad), but I could never understand why I had to sit for a whole hour talking about my feelings to someone I regarded as a total stranger.

To say I had trust issues was an understatement.

I could probably write a book about my life and it'd be a best-seller. "Teenage Depression 101," or something.

If you're still reading this, thank you. You're the reason why I'm doing this. Because hopefully someone can hear my story, my current and probably lifelong struggle.

I've tried committing suicide about 3 times now, I think. And when I was 14 I went into a phase of cutting my wrists. It didn't last long though and now I sit with a severe case of copophobia (not sure if that's how you spell it?) where I'm petrified of looking at exposed wrists. A kid in my class was writing on his wrists whilst sitting next to me and I had to bite my lip to prevent myself from bursting into tears. Inside my head kept screaming "Please. Stop it!"

My life hasn't been easy. At all. And I don't dare use the word 'depression' around my mom because her immediate answer is that my mindset's all wrong and I need to stop talking about it.

So here I am, telling everyone and no one about my struggle because this might be the only place where (I hope) I can tell anyone about it.

Hugs to all the other sufferers out there,
Mish xx

Welcome Mish,

We do not judge here. You are not alone. Many of us have scars not only on the wrist but everywhere inside and out. We all work to find that place where we can learn those emotions are not our fault, the anger does not belong against us, and slowly we find self kindness and compassion works better than self harm.

I know this from personal experience.

I strongly suggest that you have talk with the school nurse or health professional if possible. Not sure how it works where you are.

Obviously you need to work through some issues. Whatever decisions your Mom mad in the past, if you can talk to her about it, you may find there is another side to what you have come to understand. I am 58 years old. I realized this point, 3 years ago. To late for me to try and talk to my mother. Does not excuse some behaviors, but can help clear some hurtful feelings on both sides due to misperceptions.

Communications is important. IF not with your Mom, a health professional, keeping your feelings hidden is not good.

I wish you peace and strength
Trina

Welcome to the forum, sorry you feel a need for it.

My Mom always 'threatened' to take me to a psychiatrist...I sometimes wish she had followed through!

I hope you will find that sharing here is helpful to you as I found it to be for me.

Echoing others...however with effective treatment and the right treatments you can at least begin the process of managing it.

Support is key....something I received with my first post around ten yrs ago. Even though I would be classed as Old LoL, we all at various levels and ways have been in a similar ⛵. We care. And many as teens..me for one. Keep strong.

I still receive support here, give as well, we are a community of
People all alike you, unique and always have unique wisdom and care. turtle sends many healing thoughts. HT

Post Edited (theHTreturns...) : 1/11/2019 9:56:00 PM (GMT-7)

Wish, how are you doing?

please post, we would like to now how you are feeling.

Peace
Trina