Still can’t deal with sons death

Just woke up in a panic
I was having some kind of bad dream but can’t remember it
Had a cigarette and felt like my legs were crumbling under me
Poured some tea and now I’m sitting here hoping my husband doesn’t awaken as I want to be alone
He is a broken man and his grief is complicating mine as well
I feel compelled to help him with his but I can’t deal with mine
Rest of kids came over yesterday
We had plan to scatter ashes but Im not ready to open the box
It’s all I have of my son and can’t part with them
I got a catered meal but it was still a lot of work reheating and a lot of clean up
But keeping busy is my best coping skill
However I think it has triggered an RA flare as My feet and hands are particularly sore amongst other joints as well
Tired but can’t sleep

Weary, my dear friend. Know we care about ya.....may Gentle cyber hugs be with you.
HT.

Not trying to 'convert' anyone, but there's a song that helps me in my times of grief...Praise you in this storm...by Casting Crowns. Give it a listen if you are so inclined.

I feel for your loss. Losing a loved one is never easy and even harder a mom her kid at the same time suffering from a chronic disease adds to the pain. When this happens we mourn for what we lose without realizing perhaps we should switch our mind set to being grateful for what we still do have, though this will never fully eliminate the pain and the void it may help ease it.

Nothing will bring back your son but a new puppy or kitten could bring some much needed mutual love and attempt to fill that void that you feel in your heart when this happens. As others have said time does seem to do it's thing, some days may be worse than others but in the long term,weeks and months should get easier. I pray and hope for the best.

I take the ultimate comfort in the belief we are spiritual beings in human bodies and that the spirit continues on even after death.

Post Edited (Virdent) : 4/21/2019 9:51:12 PM (GMT-6)

Hi I had to take down my parents photos off the wall, it's been 5 years but it still hurts but it does get better , sorry for your loss dear.
It's good to grieve 🤗hugs

Hi Weary,

It seems like when it rains, it pours. Always something happening.

Write things down. As you remember them. I know you will get thank you notes out. It just takes time.

Go easy on yourself. One day at a time. Know we are here for you hun.

You will get through this...

Hugs, Karen...

It is so unfair. But when we lose somebody that close to us, it is never fair.

You got your goal finished, that is good. You are probably very relieved. I would be.

I am sorry about your hard drive. You didn't have it very long.

I can imagine you don't want to go to work. Is there any way you can take the day off?

I am sorry your husband is taking things out on you. As they say, we always hurt the ones we love. He is probably hurting bad too. In time this will be better. I guess you are probably going through the toughest part right now. Hang in there if you can. And go easy on yourself.

Know we are always here for you Weary. You will get though this.

Hugs, Karen...

Done with estate sorry

Hi Weary,
I don't know what to say except that I send thoughts of peace and healing your way.

Kathy

Today everything is hitting me like a ton of bricks
I fear a breakdown
Tomorrow is exactly 1 month to the day
Weird things today
Seemed like all kinds of coincidences of music played, subjects talked about by people, etc. triggered a circumstance I had with my son.
Everything I touched at work I effed up.
Terrible computer issues but I was not alone in that
Even so it made my job so much harder
I put up a good front but I was on the verge of tears all darn day
Then I had to go grocery shopping
Luckily it’s attached to a liquor store because I was in need of a drink when all was done
Cashier (liquor store) who is familiar with me said Hi how are you? I cried all the way there so I couldn’t have looked well
I’ve been better I said
I bet you can say you’ve been worse he said
No I don’t think so I said
Tomorrow will be one month since I lost my son
I guess that threw him
He didn’t even say he was sorry to hear
It just got really uncomfortable
Put the vodka in the car and went on to grocery shop
Not in the mood to buy food, don’t feel like eating
1/2 way thru the cart is getting unmanageable
Look at the wheels and the rubber on the left side of the cart wheels sre separating and spinning their own way off the plastic
FML
Freaky cashier commenting on my purchases and telling me what a long day it has been
Tell me about it
Get the malfunctioning cart to the car and start putting the bags in the trunk
Freakazoid cart boy is standing there waiting to have a cart to take away
Did I tell you I want to go off?
I don’t
I patiently say
This cart needs to be retired take a look at the wheels
I get a blank look and I’m throwing the bags in the trunk quickly so he could go away
He took the cart and I watched him bring it back and put it back with the rest
What do I care?
Cry all the way home
In a real funk
Husband was remarkably better
Well I guess only one of us can be off the rails st one time
That’s a good thing....
Definitely a Xanax night
Thinking of taking a sick day tomorrow

Oh Weary,

I am so sorry for what you are going through. It isn't easy.

Have you thought about some grief counseling to make things easier? I hope you do.

Take care of you. And like FP said, maybe take some time off of work.

Remember we are here for you. Sending peace and comfort.

Hugs, Karen...

I am glad you took the day off of work. Maybe pamper yourself a little today, or talk to a friend. Taking your mind off things now and then could help too.

I can't imagine the pain you are going through. I am sure it is awful. And there aren't always proper words to say. I just hope it gets easier with time.

Glad you are planning to go to the grief counseling.. Too bad they don't meet more often. But I know it will help none the less.

Try to hang in there. We are always here for you...

Gentle hugs,

Karen...

Thank you all for your continued support
It means so much to me and helps me carry on
Reach out to Pitmom
I do like the song you referred to and relating to God Only Knows

So on a good note
I was on the fence about going to work today
Thought maybe it was best to indulge myself in a long weekend of pity party but I went

Much to my surprise I was awarded my own account to take care of despite it is well in advance of the time frame I had been given
I have been so hard on myself and if you read my post about work anguish you will know how inept I have felt in my brand new job after holding a management position at a sister company that was closed after 18 years
I am excited and nervous and proud of myself
It feels good to have a breath of fresh air today
It feels really good that the weekend is here so I can chill as well
Your prayers and healing thoughts are working
Please continue to keep me in your prayers and thoughts
With gratitude
Weary