Good news

Yes, I know. Me and good news are an oxymoron <_<.

On a serious note, I was in a pretty bad downward spiral. My eye issues tipped me over the edge: I became convinced I would never be able to see properly again. I would have panic attacks about losing my sight altogether and becoming completely blind, and no amount of reason could counter the cold-blooded fear at 3am.

Thus I was pessimistic and scared of my upcoming cataract operation. It loomed like a Damocles sword over my head for months. On top of that, my Crohn's was playing up: hello, nocturnal trips to the toilet 3x a night. Piss off, nocturnal trips to the toilet 3x a night.

Anyway, I finally had the dreaded operation yesterday. I read Animal Farm on my Kindle whilst waiting for the operation, because there's nothing like a good depressing political allegory to make you even more depressed (brilliant book though). I was surprisingly anxiety-free until I was wheeled into the operating theatre, whereupon I became terrified that I would get an urge to have a BM during the procedure! Supposing I moved whilst the surgeon was cutting into my eye?

Whilst they did the pre-op preparations, I lay there completely still and dared my bowels to so much as even hint at an urge. Then another thought occurred to me: would my vision go completely dark during the surgery? I turned to worrying about that instead, and my bowels and body remained completely still the entire time.

No, my vision never went dark. The intolerable glare of the overhead light turned into 3 fuzzy yellow lights floating above me. There was a distant sound of a drill or a saw. I never saw or felt anything go into my actual eye - just those 3 yellow lights constantly moving all over the place. After a few minutes, I was able to relax a little and the intense fear receded.

Afterwards I was wheeled out into the discharge lounge with a patch over my right eye. My parents and my mum's friend picked me up from the hospital. I wasn't allowed to take the patch off until the next morning. The immediate impression was one of confusion and of being underwhelmed. It wasn't until my dad got to me read a license plate across the road and persuaded me I could see well enough to drive, that the implications began to sink in.

However it wasn't until I went out with my mum and her friend that I fully grasped them. I not only could see, I could see much better than I ever had. It literally was like seeing the world in HD for the first time. I saw a bunch of wild poppies on the canal bank and goggled at how red they were. In the garden centre, I covered my uncorrected left eye and goggled at all the plants, leaves and flowers - everything was so crisp and clear, it would make a grown man weep.

Meanwhile, my left eye - which had the 'good' vision - now seems really poor: incredibly blurry and dim. But the right eye can compensate for that, at least long distance.

I do have a slight complication: my right eye resembles something from a horror movie. It's red. I don't mean the pinkish-red of inflammation, I mean bright, bright red. Looking as though it's about to weep blood red. I hesitantly googled it and had the happy - and first - experience of google giving me a mundane and reassuring answer instead of an extremely rare and deadly disease. Confirmed it with a few more searches, but 99% sure now it's a subconjunctival haemorrhage. Sounds scary, but actually it's just a broken blood vessel in the white part of the eye and is completely harmless. But it does take 1-2 weeks to go away, so I have to go around looking like something out of Dracula until then.

I've got to go to bed now. Sorry for the long ramble. I'll show you a photo of the wild poppies I took earlier to (hopefully) make it worth it.

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Miranda,

I am so happy for you!!! I am glad you can see better than before!!!

Hugs, Karen...

Thank you folks! This reply will be much, much, much shorter >_>.

@Jamie - I was going to read 1984 next, but I think going straight from one dystopia to another dystopia might be a bit much, even for me. So I'm going to take a break with something lighter - will look on the Kindle store for a new book.

(Before Animal Farm, I re-read all five books of the Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy "trilogy", which I enjoyed.)

@Karen - Thanks. Hugs back :p

@Trina - Wow, you don't have to be dying for somebody to come visit you in hospital. It's just the company which is nice. Seems like your mum never thought about that - I am sorry.

My vision is still going strong. I'm putting in three different types of drops several times a day and have to wear an eye shield at night. To be honest, I'm so used to putting in eye drops it barely registers - I just bang in a drop or two whenever I remember. As far as I can tell, my right eye looks good (apart from the blood), and I don't think the uveitis has returned - although that's what the Maxidex is for.

And now I must go and lie down in bed. Goodnight everyone :p

Thank you Buena. Much appreciated.

Just a quick update: I've been approved for Stelara for Crohn's, which I'm pleased about. I've also - after waiting nearly a year (although for mental health services that's not that long) - got an assessment with the Complex Needs Service on the 22nd July. I won't start group therapy straight away: they insist on you doing a preliminary course first. To be honest, it's been so long I've forgotten most of it, but anyways.

And later I'll post another poppy picture - this one is better, honest :p (I took it at my gardening place yesterday. Would post it now, but I'm in a bit of a rush. Oh heck, it doesn't take very long - I'll do it.)

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Courageous!

Hi folks!

Urgh, my sleep is so messed up at the moment. Tried getting to bed earlier and failed - I was still utterly exhausted when I woke up and for the rest of the day. Looking into options to improve my sleep, including getting a mattress lifter (to help with long-term nasal congestion and perhaps neck and shoulder pain too) and CBD oil.

Getting blurry vision in my right eye, which is a bit disappointing :-( I'm not particularly worried, as it's not a new thing - had it long before the op. But my vision was so clear the day straight after the op and now it's gone back to how it was before. I think it's med related, so I will try stopping a couple of my meds soon to see if that is it.

@Andrina - I deffo had anaesthesia! It was local, which is normal for cataract surgery. I was terrified beforehand, but I didn't feel a thing really, apart from minor discomfort at the beginning.

You have found my brother's book?? I looked for both his name and title.... okay I'll have another look now.

Found it this time. Weird :/ Bought it in case it disappears again. It's called Boris Goes To The Supermarket. I am not sure whether to carry on with the book I have just started reading (Children Of Time) or start my brother's book :/

Hi Karen.

This is the mattress lifter I was looking at: https://www.healthandcare.co.uk/bed-cushions-supports/mattress-genie-adjustable-mattress-tilter.html

It's in the UK, but I'm sure you could find one in the US.

I never had high blood sugar in the past, but that was a few years ago and things change. Also, I'm on a med (quetiapine) which can elevate blood sugar. Think it's time to buy a home testing kit and test my blood sugar levels.

My brother was always into literature and writing. Although he wasn't the sort to chase fame and success, I can't help feeling he must have been disappointed he didn't achieve more recognition. It's tough when you feel like you've failed. I'd quite like to try writing a story, but my problem at the moment is lack of ideas and inability to focus on anything.

Anyway, I'm going to go to bed soon. Feel tired and low - it's not been a productive day. I got angry on Twitter, which always feels like a gigantic waste of time. Probably because it is. I just miss the days of forums and no social media. I feel a bit lost on the internet nowadays. Like I've got nothing to do or nowhere to go - exactly like real life :-/

Anyway goodnight Karen. Take care :p

Karen - No worries. If you do get it, I hope it helps! I also decided to take a look at adjustable beds, but they are far more expensive. Not convinced it's worth it. Maybe in a few years when the price has gone down and the technology has improved. But if I was going to spunk £500, I'd rather it was on a new mattress.

I've also ordered some CBD oil! >_>. Genuinely looking forward to trying it out. I added some CBD honey and lemon lozenges to the order too. Literally the most expensive sweets I've ever bought. My excuse is that they'll calm me down in the car when I get road rage ;p (I rarely rage, but I do sometimes get really impatient, especially when I'm stuck behind a slow driver. Not particularly proud of that, but it's a hard habit to break...

I also stopped my quetiapine: I couldn't stand the blurriness in my right eye anymore: I couldn't read a thing with it. The result is, I didn't get a single, solitary wink of sleep, I felt nauseous, my stomach was upset, but my vision is already a bit better. If I close my left eye, I can read the text on my laptop which I couldn't before.

I'm determined to get off this toxic drug, but it is hard because of the chronic wakefulness: I didn't realise quite how sedating it was until I actually stopped it. I will try to fall asleep without it tonight, but if I fail I will cut a tablet in half and take that. I've got to take my car in for an MOT tomorrow, so I really can't go another entire night without a single minute of sleep.

*sees time*. Okay, I'd better go to bed now in fact! Goodnight Karen (and everyone else). Take care, folks.

Hey Karen. I tried melatonin in the past. I don't remember it working amazingly well, but maybe I didn't take it properly. I had a google anyway and found this, which was really interesting:
https://www.mdedge.com/clinicalneurologynews/article/47354/pulmonology/melatonin-may-normalize-night-owl-sleep-schedules

I am 100% a night owl and in the last few months it's got worse. I will try the CBD oil first, but if that doesn't help then I will definitely give melatonin another try. I was taking it wrong in the past: way too late and probably at too high a dose.

My car failed its MOT :-( Something to do with the headlights - no idea what. They did say, but I didn't really catch it. Have to go back next week and get them fixed. It's annoying, as my headlights seem fine to me. But I've been going to that garage for 10 years and they've never mugged me off before, so I believe them. The rules for passing an MOT get ever stricter, so what might have been okay a few years ago isn't necessarily okay now.

Afterwards, I went and sat in a lovely churchyard to eat my lunch. Almost immediately a rather elegant and tanned old lady joined me. She. wouldn't. stop. talking. I wanted to eat my lunch, but couldn't because I don't like eating in front of people I don't know. She wanted to eat her lunch, but couldn't because of the fat pigeon which stood there for absolutely ages just waiting for food. At one point she got up and had a quick rummage in the bin next to the bench looking for food, but didn't find anything suitable. My braindead brain was like, 'w-t-f'. In retrospect, I think she must have been looking for something for the fat pigeon and not herself, which is what I first thought.

Watched another pigeon picking up twigs - it was obviously building a nest in a nearby tree - and the crows. One perched atop a tombstone a couple of times. Crows in a graveyard are so great.

I also watch the birds in my parents' garden. Nothing as exotic as hummingbirds, but we do have a pair of ring-necked doves, which is nice.

Oops. I left for this a couple of hours. I slept last night but I needed to take half a tablet of quetiapine to do so. I think I will start cutting all my tablets in half from now on and then into quarters. I will have to put up with the blurry vision a while longer, but hopefully it won't be as bad with a lower dose.

Thank you, Karen, for listening to my burbling <_<.

I hope you had a good day today.

Hi Karen.

The music festival sounds cool. I'd love to go to a music festival, but well it's the usual story: I've got no one to go with and I won't go on my own <_<. There is nothing near me, so no chance of just going to one and recognising people I used to know. But I'm glad you went and had a nice time.

I'm still thinking of getting a dog, yeah. I decided a while ago I wasn't going to do anything until both eye surgeries were over with. I'm seeing the ophthalmologist tomorrow. Hopefully I can get a date for the next surgery, which should be some time in July.

Haven't got the CBD oil yet. I'm also gonna order some low dose melatonin and try that too. There isn't a whole lot else I can try, as a) I can never get to see my GP anymore and b) even if I could, she would refuse to prescribe me zoplicone or anything else which might actually work. (My old GP used to prescribe me zoplicone. I don't remember that causing any vision issues, but I did stop taking it after a while as I felt it wasn't really working anymore.)

Gonna try to get an earlier night, as it's a morning appointment tomorrow :-(

Take care. Goodnight >.>

Hi Karen.

I think I may have found the cause of my blurry vision and it is not good news. Funnily enough my appointment this morning was with the ophthalmologist, who said my eyes were fine. But as I was driving home tonight I couldn't help but notice how redder all the lights looked. It was subtle, but I couldn't shake off the feeling. Thought it might be atmospheric disturbance. But when I got home, I noticed immediately the red tint was still there and that it was in my right eye but not the left one. I've never seen this before.

Did some googling and that, plus the blurriness when reading, matches cystoid macular edema. If the redness hasn't gone by tomorrow I'm phoning up eye casualty. It never ends. I've got my CBD oil but less excited about it now :-(

As for your dog, she might just need more exercise. Some breeds are bottomless wells of energy, which can be difficult to manage.

I'm gonna go to bed now. Feeling very, very deflated after a long, stressful day. Goodnight Karen. Take care.

**********.

I lost my whole post thanks to my stupid mouse!! It has pointless keys on it that I never use. Accidentally pressed one of them, which must have been the back key, and lost my post.

Urgh. Okay, long story short, phoned up eye casualty. Receptionist recommended I see an optician so I went and made an appointment with a local one for tomorrow. The red tint has gone now anyway. Suspect my right eye may have got sunburnt. ((Yes, it's a thing.) I noticed yesterday that my right arm was browner than my left arm, and that can only have come from driving - it's the only way my right arm could have got more sun exposure than the left. I'm on meds which can increase photosensitivity, e.g. 6MP and I've noticed for the last few years I do tan much quicker than I used to.

Anyway, I'm just relieved that I (probably) don't have cystoid macular edema after all.

Re your dog. It does sound like she needs more exercise tbh. Is there anywhere you can let her run off the leash for a while, e.g. a field or park. And, yes, an evening walk would be good for her. Some dog breeds are naturally chill, e.g. bull mastiffs. I used to know one, and she was the most placid dog ever: I don't think an active volcano would have stirred that thing. Our old dog, a Jack Russell terrier, had boundless energy when he was young - he would chase a football for hours and not get tired of it. He did calm down and need less exercise as he got older.

Okay, I'm gonna go and get my dinner now. I got a Waygu steak, much reduced :p Never had one before, so looking forward to giving it a go.

Post Edited (NiceCupOfTea) : 7/2/2019 12:42:03 PM (GMT-6)

Well, I saw the optician and had an eye exam. Long story short: my eyes are physically fine. He thought the red tint might have been caused by a small bleed in the back of the eye, but there was no sign of that on the scan. Anyway, whatever it was, it's gone now. I can finally relax until the next panic <_<.

I didn't order any new glasses as there's no point until I've had the left eye done and both eyes have settled completely from surgery.

I'm knackered, as I was awake for hours last night with nausea and diarrhoea. Something really upset my stomach. My dinner I presume, although steak and chips doesn't usually upset my stomach to that degree. It isn't any too great tonight, but never mind :-/

My friend has got a new dog! A 4-year-old greyhound from a rescue place. She seems happy with him and he looks nice from the pictures. I thought she and her husband might get a guide dog first, given that the previous guide dog sadly and unexpectedly died of an inoperable tumour a few weeks ago. It's interesting how only a very few breeds are suitable for being a guide dog - a greyhound isn't one of those breeds apparently.

Anyhow, another day, another bedtime. Gonna lie down and read.

Goodnight Karen :p