Good news

I am so glad that your eyes are okay, and I don't blame you for waiting on the glasses. I am due for new ones myself. When my blood sugar got real high my eyes went whacky. So I was waiting too. I guess there is no time like the present so I plan on getting glasses this fall. I like the ones I have, I hope that they still carry them.

Greyhounds are nice dogs. It seems they can be a little hyper like the German Shepherd I have. It has been too hot to walk in the afternoons but we are getting our morning walks in.

Did you read your brother's book that you were talking about? I am not much of a reader anymore. I read on the internet but I don't know how many books I have started and never finished. I don't know why. Same with the painting, I start and don't finish.

I hope you got good sleep last night. Been hot here so it is hard to sleep good.

Take care Miranda...

Hugs, Karen...

Hi folks :p

Karen - I bought a blood glucose testing kit, because I'd heard that blurry vision can be a symptom of high blood sugar levels. However, I haven't used it yet. Took one look at the instructions and thought "later." That was 2 weeks ago :-(

No, I've not read my brother's book yet. Truth to tell, I'm not looking forward to reading it - I can't help feeling it'll be very depressing, with no humour to lighten the darkness. That said, I will read it once I've finished my current book, 'Children Of Time.' It's really good so far. Much, much, much more readable than 'Aurora', which was also about space travel and humans searching for a new planet to live on. But it's long and I'm not the world's fastest reader, because internet and videogames.

Anyway, my brother has come down for a week. Today we went to my oldest brother's place for a BBQ. I wasn't looking forward to going, but I had a nicer time than expected: I even managed to stay off my phone for most of it. Saw my nephews for the first time in ages. They are growing up so fast: I still have a mental image of them being about 5 years younger than they really are, because I used to see them far more when they were younger. But they're good lads. The oldest, especially, has really come out of his shell and is not in the least bit sullen or reserved (unlike me at that age).

Andrina - I'm still getting all the certificates! Ordered my grandfather's wedding certificate a few weeks ago, which really should have arrived by now and hasn't. I need that and his death certificate still, plus signed and witnessed copies of my documents and my mother's documents, e.g. passports. That part is going to be a bit of a nightmare, as I need to find a professional who knows me - well, how many professionals do I know? But I can probably get my GP or dentist to do it for a fee.

I'm doing okay, thanks. I daresay it won't last forever, but I'm out of the immediate woods of depression. Getting the cataract surgery helped. The uveitis is under control. Hopefully my eyes will continue to be okay and not deteriorate. I'm also starting Stelara on the 15th June, so I hope that will help with the Crohn's side of things.

Will go to bed soon. Just having a rare Jack Daniels and Coke first <_<.

Hi Karen.

Thanks.

The wedding certificate arrived today. Ordered the death certificate as well, which will probably take just as long to arrive. In the meantime I'm gonna try and get all the relevant documents signed and witnessed. I need a professional person who personally knows me, who also has a stamp or a business card - yeah, I know so many of those. Thinking of making an appointment with my bank manager, who I wouldn't know if I fell over them in the bank, but hopefully the DFA won't know that. At any rate, I would hope a bank manager has a business card, if nothing else.

And this is just to become an Irish citizen. I've still got to get the passport after that :/ It's going to take at least a year, but the good news is Brexit won't affect it.

Still determined to get off the quetiapine. I can barely read at times, it's so blurry. It wasn't quite as bad before the cataract operation, but now I've lost the ability to see close up with my right eye and I'm heavily dependent on my left eye to see anything close up at all - it's easier to read if I use an eye patch.

I will take half a dose tonight, then a quarter of the dose the next night. Luckily quetiapine clears the system rapidly, so if it is that, I should hopefully see an improvement in a day or two.

Going to get a shower now. Not quite bedtime yet, but will go for an earlier than usual night, as I have a long day ahead tomorrow. Going to St Albans with my mum and brother.

Goodnight Karen :p

I am happy to hear so much positivity from you. I've been sort of bummed out lately. I don't know why, just feel like life is passing me by and I am spending my time doing things I don't enjoy - mostly trying to make a buck. At least when I hear you're doing well, it makes me feel a bit better. Maybe tomorrow will be a good day.

When do you start stelara?

Hi Miranda,

You sure did have a long day but I am glad you got the Stelara. That would of been a particularly hard day for me if I had to go through all that, but you did it... Yay!!!

I am glad you will be able to get the melatonin and I hope it works for you. I am sorry it will take so long to get it though. My husband takes a high dose of 10 mg a night. But that is what it takes for it to work for him.

I too understand about life passing by. I didn't do a lot of things I thought I might. My life has basically been one day at a time for years now. I guess one day I will be more of a "go getter" but for now I am still one day at a time..... I never make plans to do anything with friends. The most I do is go to the doctor or grocery shopping. Walk my dog... When I die I guess there wont be a lot passing before my eyes. Ha... We'll see now wont we...

I hope you guys have a good night. It is getting night time here.

Take care...

Hugs, Karen...

Guys, I think last night has to be an early contender for "Worst Night's Sleep Of The Year" award. I was bone, bone tired, and hoped this would be sufficient to make me nod off. It wasn't. I had a song stuck in my head for hours that I couldn't get rid of. The strange thing is that it stuck at all, since while that used to happen to me when I was younger, it rarely does now. Finally after about 3 hours I sank into a dream-filled doze for a few minutes, then woke up. The dreams were creepy as hell. (I only remember a couple of images from them now.) Same thing happened again later on in the night - nodding off straight into bad dreams, only to promptly wake up again.

I gave up on sleep for that night, but actually I did get a bit of sleep mid-morning. Maybe an hour or so, not really sure. I didn't want to sleep for too long anyway, because I'm trying to retrain my body clock to fall asleep by 2am, not 9am!

Meanwhile, I decided to order more melatonin, 1mg pills this time. (As long as they're not timed/sustained release, I should be able to cut them in half without issue.) Melatonin is technically only available only on prescription in the UK, hence why no UK sites stock it. You can still order it from abroad though - the trick to not waiting 3 weeks is to try to order it from Germany rather than the US. Plus I paid extra for express delivery, so it should be here in a couple of days.

@Karen - Thanks!

Not to continuously bang on about melatonin (at least it's helping you guys fall asleep, right? <_<), but I decided on a low dose for a few reasons: 1) To avoid grogginess the next day, which is more likely with higher doses; 2) Studies have shown low doses of 0.3-1mg are just as effective. The body only produces a small amount of melatonin and even 3mg is literally 10x more than the highest natural amount produced. 3) Too high a dose can desensitize the melatonin receptors and make melatonin stop working. That's less likely to happen with a low dose.

You can tell I've been doing too much late night reading >.> But that said, going by the online comments I've seen, people seem to take all sorts of doses - I saw one lady who was on 60mg. Some people did say that they felt better when they reduced their dose, but others seemed happy with their 3mg, 10mg, or whatever.

I think the older you get, the harder it becomes to be a "go-getter", especially if you are not temperamentally that way inclined. I think if I could go back in time with the knowledge I had now, I could do so much more - or maybe I'm just kidding myself, I don't know. As for the future, it's a dark, rather terrifying, blank :-/

@nssg - The book is "Children of Time." After banging on about melatonin for ages, my mind has gone a bit blank now, so just look up a description on Amazon. It's my kinda themes though: space exploration, colonization, genetically engineered spiders, etc. It's actually much better written than that may make it sound, and the story is a cracker so far: unusually it just keeps on getting better and better. I'm only halfway though, so take my judgement with a pinch of salt.

I don't think most people love working, really. But most people seem able to bear it considerably better than I could. (In retrospect I didn't know I had autism/ADD, but even if I had known, not sure how much difference it would have made, especially without support.) My oldest brother never likes his jobs either, but the mere fact of working doesn't seem to make him depressed. It did my dad though. Oh, boy did it my dad and didn't we all know about it (but to be fair to him, he also had undiagnosed high functioning autism. My brother on the other hand shows no signs of autism whatsoever).

My brother's wife, on the other hand, loves working and would be bored out of her mind without it. Even the retail stuff (it used to be just retail, but now she does teaching as well). I can't really fathom that. I hate shops. I hate people. I hate standing up all day long and nowadays would be almost physically unbearable. Retail work would be my own personal hell, although I respect the people who do it, since I can't.

I'm not sure what my point is, really. Other than people's attitudes to work, and ability to bear it, seems to vary so widely. It's sad when work takes up so much of your time and energy, you have nothing left over with which to enjoy the rest of life. Very sad.

Exercise helps me to feel better sometimes, but seems to have no effect on falling asleep - I can be physically shattered and mentally wide awake. Incidentally, sleep has a massive influence on our well-being. Trouble is, modern life makes it so hard to sleep well.

I'm off to the town centre now before the shops close. It will give me a walk and a bit of fresh air, but I also need to get dinner and a couple of other things. See you later, folks.

Hi you two...

Some people make their job their whole life. I liked working for the most part, but I couldn't put my job top priority. But I did the best I could no matter what type of job it was. I think my favorite job was working in a bakery. I would get up about 3:30 am and be to work at 5:00. I got out about 1:00 or 2:00 so I had a lot of the day left for other things, though I would have to go to bed early to be able to function the next day. But I liked filling donuts and stuff. Plus people ordering donuts were usually in good moods. . Though I did have one cranky lady that I eventually won over. That was a huge accomplishment for me.

I don't like people in general either. There are so many bad people in the world. Greedy, self centered, manipulative. Catty women. Men stuck on themselves. Not all people are that way, but enough to make me not like them. I like the people here, they are real. Humble...

I been using meditation to sleep Miranda. It hasn't been working lately. The insurance company wont pay for the dose of medication that helps me. So my medication was cut by 50 mg. I think I can get another medication added to help me but I am not sure, but anyway, I am having trouble with mindfulness and meditation right now. I am thinking far too much. But I see my psychologist next month and will discuss it then unless I get bad, then I will call her. But otherwise the meditation helps me a lot. Hubby takes the melatonin. But the 1 and 3 mg wasn't enough so he takes 10. That helps but I think his sleep could be better. There is something always effecting it and lately it has been aches and pains. Plus muscle spasms.

I hope you two have a good day. NSSG, I know what you mean about working. I wish it could be more gratifying. I think when somebody does something that they love it can be. But for the most part we just work a job for money to live on and can't always do something we love. Living off the grid would be awesome but it is terrible hard work to do so.

Take care both of you...

Hugs, Karen...

Thanks Trina! :p (High Five/Hug back to you and the other guys on this board too.)

Well I went for my walk. Didn't go far, only into the town centre and then to Waitrose café for a coffee. Afterwards I sat on a bench by the canal. It was early evening and perfect summer weather: sunny without being too hot (anything above 25 degrees Celsius can seriously jog on). I had bought a packet of 4 rolls and fed one of them slowly to the ducks and pigeons. Once I had finished the roll, a pigeon on the bench stared hopefully at me, then hopped off once it realised it wasn't getting anything else.

Not sure if this was the same pigeon or not, but what happened next was hilarious. A pigeon started pecking at my ankle, including the top of my shoe, the bare bit of skin above the shoe and the bottom of my jeans. I bent down to take a look and the pigeon moved away. I went back to my phone. A few seconds later, my ankle was being pecked again. I took another look. The pigeon went away again. I went back to my phone. The pigeon came back again. By this time I was trying not to laugh and let the pigeon do its thing. After a couple of minutes it finally left of its own accord - I'm still not sure if it was trying to eat my ankle or looking for bread.

While I was there a heron came over and I got a nice picture of it.

@nssg - It's not ridiculously hot, but I have been too hot the last few nights. I don't like open windows: I get the noise of the traffic, people passing outside, etc. I'm also in a ground floor flat, so open windows - even on the latch - don't feel terribly safe. That said, think I'll go and open my bedroom window now for a couple of hours before bedtime: it's feeling a bit stuffy in here.

I hope you enjoy the book if ever you get around to reading it. Don't worry if you don't: I won't be checking up on you <_<.

I don't think my sister in law is lying about loving work. I mean, "love" may be a bit of a strong word in this context, but I think she is happy to go to work. My brother has always said if he could afford not to work, he wouldn't, on the other hand. Frankly, unless the job itself is intrinsically interesting or satisfying, I cannot imagine why anyone would rather be in an office or shop instead of being at home. Yes, I am sometimes bored at home, but that is still nothing compared to the infinite boredom of being stuck in an office with work so repetitive, a trained monkey could do it. Not to mention, I rarely liked office environments; often the commute was horrendous too. Even in my 20s I found a 5-day week, with 9-10 hours a day given to commuting and working, shatteringly exhausting.

There were some jobs that were more bearable than others. The one I liked best was a 20-minute walk away - no getting buses and tube trains into London. The work there was a bit more interesting and varied than most, too. Sadly it was only a temporary position and it came to an end after 3 months.

@Karen - Those hours at the bakery would have killed me - I've always been a night owl. But that actually doesn't sound too bad, plus you presumably got to sample the goods :p When I was 16 to 19 years old, I did a part time job at McDonald's and actually didn't mind it (full time might have been a different story though). Later on, my friend joined and we had some good times there.

I hate stories of insurance companies overriding doctors and refusing to prescribe meds or increase the dose :/ It's just wrong, but that's a whole other can of worms which I'm far too tired to open tonight. Suffice to say, I know there are some US people on the UC board who get mesalazine drugs from Canada because they're much cheaper there (even with insurance). I'm not sure whether your med would be available in Canada, but maybe it's worth a look?

I hope the trouble with the meditation and mindfulness is a temporary blip. I must admit, it's something I have always struggled with. Maybe 'cos my concentration is so scattered most of the time.

I would love to live off the grid, but that takes skillz I don't have. If you could manage to generate your own electricity, grow your own food, etc. you'd be so set up for the zombie apocalypse.

It's nearly midnight, so I'm gonna get a shower and start winding down slowly for bed. Goodnight guys - take care.

Most of the time I don't like my work, but I feel pressure to love it. I am in a "helping" profession and I am supposed to be noble and committed and all that. Mostly I'm just tired. I like the people I work with, though , so that helps. I don't feel like I've accomplished anything either. I am just starting a book called "late Bloomers" about how society puts pressure on us to achieve great things at an early age and most people don't/can't do that and that is not a bad thing. I will let you know more as I read more.

Well I slept slightly better last night. I did fall asleep fairly quickly, but then was awake by 5am. I couldn't get back to sleep again - too hot, too uncomfortable. Stomach wasn't good either. Dozed off briefly this morning, but it was full of weird and creepy dreams again.

Getting off this quetiapine is murder, at least sleep-wise. So far, have been surprisingly functional otherwise, but at some point I will need a full night's sleep. I'm in a bit of a zombie state at the moment.

Speaking of zombies, Karen, you would definitely need a good arms cache! That's the one thing that's impossible to obtain in the UK, of course. At least legally (and rightfully so, to be fair. But come the zombie apocalypse, the army and criminals are gonna be the only ones able to defend themselves).

@Karen - So if you find an insurance you like, you're not allowed to stay with it? That's outrageous. Especially as they don't seem to just roll over your prescriptions from one insurance to the next, so if the prescription gets changed or removed, tough luck for the patient. Do doctors have any say over this whatsoever or is the final decision always the insurance company's? Anyway, I hope your psychologist can help next month. And do look into getting meds cheaper from Canada.

@Buena - That book sounds quite interesting: I'll look it up on Amazon. As for your feelings, they are common in "helping" professions! People get burnt out eventually - "compassion fatigue" is a real thing. It doesn't mean the people who do such jobs don't care, but chances are they've been overworked and in many cases underpaid for what they do. Plus they may have become traumatized themselves if they've been regularly exposed to traumatizing situations.

It's easier to be "noble" with the right support, which very often nurses, etc. don't get. People aren't machines and eventually even the most committed worker will break down without the proper care.

Just had lunch and gonna go to my gardening place. Not been enjoying it much lately. Doesn't help that there's a staff member there who is starting to wear on my nerves. She means well, I know, but she is a bit too overenthusiastic and, honestly, I could do without it. She homes in on me and I find it a bit unsettling: I kind of just wish she would leave me alone at this point.

I've long since made my peace with the fact that in a zombie apocalypse, my role will be to cower in a corner somewhere before becoming food for the zombie hordes.

Despite my mild dread beforehand, she wasn't too bad today. It probably helped that I went and sat with the group instead of going off by myself and so she couldn't chase me halfway round the bloody site looking for me. She's not the only staff member to have looked for me and asked if I'm all right, but she does it way more than anyone else. And, yes, she's always trying to talk to me. I think her intentions are good, but she just goes overboard with the attention and I find it a bit much, especially when I'm down and not feeling up to socialising with the group. I think she is trying to give me more space now, but yeah, it can lead to awkwardness at times.

I have a feeling headphones wouldn't make much difference. Staring at a phone doesn't :-/

A few people were moaning today that it was too hot. By American standards it is absolutely pathetic - it was 23C (that's 73F) and 46% humidity when I checked my phone. Meanwhile, I read a Reddit thread where Americans were talking about which state was the most hot, humid, sweaty hellhole. Florida won, I think. Anyway, I was seeing temperatures of 90-110F and humidity of 80-90% bandied around. Yikes! The moment I stepped into a Florida summer, I think I would melt into a literal puddle of sweat, leaving only my clothes behind.

I felt comfortable with the weather today personally, but anything above 23/24C can jog on. It's predicted to go up to 28C (82F) next week and I'm not looking forward to that. We also desperately need rain, which we're not getting.

*sees time* Night Karen >,>

Hi Miranda,

No caffeine in the evening is good. And slow taper on the Seroquel. It gets scary trying to go off of some medications, but each day you get closer. Try to just do it and not think about it. I get that way over these antidepressants as I know if I were to have to go off, it wouldn't be easy. I had a hell of a time with Effexor once. But I finally was able to switch to Pristiq, that is what I take now. I am sure it would be just as hard to discontinue. I wish you the best with it.

Korean Ginseng is suppose to be good. You never know, it might help. A lot of herbs are good. I wish you the best with that too. I heard panax is good too. I am not sure but that may be American ginseng.

My husband was told to take the melatonin at about 6:00 and go to bed about 10:00. He has been doing it that way for a long time. It seems to work for him. I hope the melatonin works for you... You may need a higher dose since your insomnia seems to be kind of severe.

Take care Miranda. I think I am going to lay down. Woke up kind of tired this morning. I think I did a lot of dreaming last night. Can only remember bits and pieces.

Take care (again)…

Hugs, Karen...

Hi Miranda,

Glad you got some well deserved sleep my friend! It really makes a difference to how the day goes. I am glad that something worked. No matter what it was. The ginseng is suppose to give energy. Maybe that should be done in morning instead of night??? I am not sure.

I am just happy for you!

Have a wonderful day!!!

Hugs, Karen...