Daily thread # 188

Hi all.
Tough day for me
Thought I was farther along in healing than this.
Destroyed a friend that was starting to take place. Not maliciously, unknowing offered to do somether to help backed myself into corned, did not follow through with it.
Now person will not talk to me.
It was a small and usually insignificant thing, somehow manifested misunderstood to more than it was. I missed all the signal's

Then a friend from way back died of pancreatic cancer died 2 days ago. His wife called John (my husband, we are seperated 2yrs)to let him know.

This morning John stopped by, his weight is down to 200. From 295. I told him
I deserve all that happy sex your having. You never wanted because you were so heavy
" I don't want to talk about it and left"

All I can do is cry.
Alone. No family. None. Holidays coming up not welcome at inlaws, his girl friend is going, dont really want to go, hurts anyway.

Isolating for 2 weeks even thinking of not going to harvest fairs to sell paintings.
What would be the point?
Thanks for listening

Karen, my team, the New England Patriots, did win. They defeated the New York Jets this afternoon 30-14.

BnotAfraid,

Life can be so unfair at times, but I like to think everything happens for a reason.

I'm sorry to hear that your new friendship ended. I do think, however, that this friendship isn't worth it if this person stop talking to you over an unintentional mistake . It sounds a bit immature to blow off someone over something insignificant.
Is it possible that something else is going on in this person's life which has nothing to do with you?

You should go to the harvest festival and sell your paintings. Interacting with people might cheer you up. You might develop new friendship with people you meet there

Enjoy your life and have a bit of fun. Forget about John, his family, and girlfriend. Don't let them take up any more space in your mind. They aren't worth thinking about
Put them out of your mind and heart. Their enjoying their lives, so you do the same.

I was in a bad relationship once. I was so upset and angry and constantly thought about that person. My therapist then told me something I never forgot. She said "...the best revenge is to live your life and forget about them".

You should do the same. Who knows...you may meet someone worthy of your thoughts and affection.

And your not alone, you got your online family and friends here. I know the holidays can be tough, but try to remember that it's just one day. Maybe you can volunteer somewhere on the holidays. A soup kitchen perhaps...helping other people might also ease your pain.

I had too much caffeine too late last night and was reading a book about interior decorating that I really liked and stayed up too late. Today I implemented some of the things I learned in the book. I seemed to have a lot more energy than usual. Walked to the dog park and talked to a few people. I so rarely feel energetic and "normal" that it feels manic to me. (I have never been diagnosed as bipolar). Does anybody else feel this way? I don't want to disregard a good day, but it feels weird.

This weekend and next are "leaf weekends" when everyone comes up from Denver to see the aspens turn yellow. It has been like Disneyland! I wanted to go out to lunch, but town was so crowded I wound up going to the McDonalds 12 miles away. It was a beautiful day, though.

My daughter has told me that she and my grandson will most likely be moving out next month. I'm having mixed feelings about this.

On the one hand, I'll be happy she is getting on with her life and I'll get the room back. On the other hand, I don't think she's being realistic with how much it will actually cost her. Add to this that I am feeling resentful that she doesn't help with the bills here but will be paying so much in her 'new place' with her friends.

I'm trying not to think about it at all...it hasn't happened yet, after all.

If she does go...I'm going to have to make it clear...this is not a revolving door here. No more safety net. No more turning my life upside down.

Hi - I spent my weekend moving. Glad to finally have my own home but am exhausted from the move itself. Still need to go back to the apartment and deep clean before the end of the month. My anxiety has been a little more under control than it was. Pretty sure I have the lexapro to thank for that. I've been busy, so that's been helpful overall but still not sleeping well...

One day at a time.

I hope you all have a good week!

Today was a bit depressing as a job opportunity fell through.

I'm trying not to get down,but it is very hard when there is little to no money coming in.

One day at a time, I guess...

Sounds like you been busy Jamie. I hope you have a good night...

Hugs, Karen...

Hey FP,

I am sorry that you are being told that you are no longer needed on your job. Is there another temp job that you can do? I understand the frustration. It is hard enough to make ends meet.

I am sorry about the mental health situation too. I just found out today that my endocrinologist no longer takes my insurance. If I want to continue to see him it will be 120.00 a visit. I might be able to get reimbursed through Medicaid but I kind of doubt that. Plus I have to come up with the initial 120.00. This is for diabetes. But I am going to see if my pcp can prescribe my medications. I can get blood work done at the hospital I think.

I sure do hope that things work out. They say where one door closes another one opens. I hope for both of us, some doors open. It really stinks when things go wrong. Just keep hanging in there. Don't give up. I wont either. I hope you have a good evening.

Hugs, Karen...

Captain cook....landed on our shores and thus colonialism was born. To have a look....a captain cook.

We were not bereft of people....this land was invaded. Errr......enough said. Other boats past but never ventured on shore....the dutch before cook. Orhers ventured on our shores way before these via smaller islands.

Fact. The Australian Aborigines are the oldest still living culture on the planet. HT

Thanks for the explanation, Jamie. I would never have figured that out!

I just got good news at work. In a couple of months my schedule is going to change so I get long weekends. Yay!

Number 2 son is moving to Oregon tomorrow . He has a bunch of friends over right now for a barbecue and has graciously included me. I've known most of them since they were babies. I'll be sad when he's gone and nervous while he's driving. Better re-up the AAA.

That is so true, we aren't meant to just sleep and work. Kathy I hope you enjoyed the bbq.

Mike I hope you have a good weekend too. I made a carrot cake, not from scratch though, from a box. Imagine...

Rained here off and on today. It has rained a lot lately. I understand there is a tropical storm this year named Karen. Ha... I guess it is my fault for all the rain. LOL...

I hope you all have a good weekend...

Hugs, Karen...