Depression and chronic illness

I’m 41. I’ve been dealing with life long crippling depression and anxiety. Sometimes it’s manageable. Sometimes not. I’ve had electric shock therapy and tried every medication and treatment out there. I have an excellent psychiatrist and therapist I see weekly. Just managing this alone is hard. Especially when I have a 6 year old. I broke my hip 2 years ago and had a total replacement. Found out I have osteoporosis. It dislocated 4 months ago. So I have that chronic pain to deal with.

I also have lifelong Orthopedic problems in my feet resulting in a number of surgeries. I need another one. I saw the orthopedic Dr about the pain in my feet lately. Did an mri and discovered I have sever Synovitis which eventually led to my RA diagnosis. Started DMARDS about 6 weeks ago. No relief yet. Flare ups have intensified. I’m going to the dr today to talk about prednisone. I’m worried about that affecting my depression and anxiety and weight. I’m 230 and 5’6.

I went to a bariatric surgeon last week with high hopes but she said she wanted me to be mentally stable for a year even though my psychiatrist said it was ok. My depression meds make me hungry. These are the best luck we’ve had and I’m not going to change them. I’m doing physical therapy 3 times a week and doing the exercises at home.

I just feel so lost and discouraged. The weight contributes to my illness and depression. I can’t get the weight off because of my mental health. It’s a horrible circle. The most important thing to me is to be a good mom. I feel like I’m totally failing. I’m either crying or in bed with the heating pad. When I do play with her I’m so anxious I’m not in the moment and cant stop worrying. We started kindergarten this year and I’m trying to keep up with public school and all the activities and her extracurricular activities.

Trying to run the house and keep it clean and just keep up with everything. I did not need this diagnosis. I have an excellent support system and am doing what I can with relaxation and meditation but I’m just so jittery. I can’t make my brain stop. These flare ups are awful. I have old codeine and that helps but I only have so much. I feel like I’m drowning. I’m so scared about RA. I used to be a dynamic social worker in a super high stress job before this last horrible depression hospitalized me 5 years ago. I feel no sense of worth. No self esteem especially because I’m so much bigger than the other moms. I’m doing everything. Therapy, exercise, meds but I’m just failing. I feel like a failure in every way. Please help me.


I gave you some paragraphs for easier reading...

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 9/26/2019 11:09:56 AM (GMT-6)

Thank you for responding. I was starting meditation and mindfulness this summer before all this started. I’ve just been so frantic and busy dealing with all this I haven’t made time. If I’m not at an appointment I’m trying to keep up with my daughters school which is really hard. There’s so much going on and they post things all the time. And when I’m
Not doing that my brain is on speed doing and thinking about all the things that need to get done before she gets home. But then when she does my mental state is so bad by then I’m crying and anxious and not able to be with her. Or in a bad place and faking it until she goes to bed. I’ve got to make time to start it again. It has to be on my list of things to do. It’s so hard meditating and being mindful. I usually start crying if I’m still. But I know it takes practice and something I must teach myself. I will try harder. Thank you

Hi Smaugans,

I can only offer some insights on RA. Please feel hope. I had a severe presentation when I was 47 years old. I went to bed healthy and strong one night and woke up hit by a Mack truck.
It got so bad I became unable to even sit up unassisted. But the good news is that's all behind me and I am fully functional with minor flares that do not debilitate me.
DMARDS take time to work. I went on Methotrexate almost immediately along with prednisone and I still suffered for a good stretch. I changed rheumatologists and the new one put me on 40 mgs of prednisone a day to trigger my immune system to stop attacking me. It worked. It took me 1 1/2 years to wean off of it and I was sick for about that long. However like I said- it quieted and now I just take plaquenil.
I remember being very depressed when I was that ill. Not the type of person who wants people doing for me. Was very frustrated that I couldn't do for myself.
There are also biologics you can try. I was on Humira for a little while.
I'm wishing you good response to your meds and hope your RA quiets like mine did.
You read a lot negative things about RA but they have come a long way in treating it.

All my best