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Feeling scattered and useless

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Posted 12/19/2019 3:37 AM (GMT 0)
I know a lot of us struggle around the holidays... I just can’t even pretend at this point. I’m exhausted of life lately and everything just keeps on piling up. Ever since my mom passed I find it hard to get excited about the holidays as it was her thing and she always made it feel like Christmas... now this year may be the last one with my dad and I just can’t wrap my head around it.

Sleep is rarely happening and I’m in a state of constant worry. Then the accident last week threw me over the edge. I feel so scatter brained and useless. sad
Posted 12/19/2019 7:10 AM (GMT 0)
No Xmas for me, it corporate bastadisation of the
Silly ones caught up in the brainwashed societal madness of a phenomena
That the majority celebrate without any real basis,
More obligation. I text both sisters, I am out, leave me alone.
Reply ru ok, yes totally fine!

007. I send compassionate thoughts your way.
HT
Posted 12/19/2019 11:50 PM (GMT 0)
I didn't always like Thanksgiving and Christmas as a teen because my parents would start arguing with each other during the holiday season.
Posted 12/21/2019 1:46 AM (GMT 0)
JRF007-

My dad died Dec. 15th 2001. He loved Christmas so much. That year the light went out of Christmas for me. My kids were passed the age of being Santa Claus believers and after reading that Jesus was really born in September....it just lost all the magic. I went through the motions.

In 2016 my mom was 88 and obviously on the decline. I made it a point to get us all to her house (1200 miles away) and tried to make a special celebration which I thought might be her last Christmas. I shipped all the presents, planned and cooked a holiday dinner and had little fun things for us all to do with her.

Well most of caught the flu including herself and we were terribly ill. We had to leave her sick and fly home after the holiday. I was sure it would kill her and it would be all my fault.

She ended up living through another Christmas and on New Years Eve I got the call that her time was near and it was time for me to travel and be by her side, I got the last seat on the plane and arrived just after midnight making it New Years Day. I had 4 days with her and she passed.

I know where you're at with your worry- I did so for a whole year plus with my mom-laying in bed awake- what if what if what if.

Try and make this year special for him. I came across pictures from the last year my kids and we spent Christmas with my mom and I saw how special it was despite our illness. To top it off my youngest son is no longer in this world either. I'm so grateful for the time we all got to spend together.

Wishing you peace,

Weary
Posted 12/21/2019 1:27 PM (GMT 0)
I find myself reflecting on why the family was travelling to begin with. For the Census. To be counted as useful members of society.
No room at the inn? Cool, I don't like crowds, myself!
Some 'gifts' can only come about by enduring pain.
That's my Christmas this year.
Posted 12/21/2019 5:00 PM (GMT 0)
This seems to be my year for reflecting too. Many memories coming to mind. I believe our lives are what we believe them to be. Nothing is etched in stone. We all perceive things differently.

With that being said I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year. Again, I will be glad when it is over. Not that I don't like it, it is tiring.

Hugs to all...

Karen...
Posted 12/22/2019 8:02 PM (GMT 0)
My situation is odd.

My dangerous and instranged brother came sniffing around again, but is once again out of the picture. Thank God!

I find this year I am over my siblings, no anxiety over being shunned by entire blood family. Realizing No worry about what lie I will be told by who, to cover for husband/wife to change spouses plan. Then have that switched at last minute and be the scape goat!

NO co-dependency preparing, to impress family so by some miracle they might love me this year.

All that is over. I am free. It is such a wonderful feeling, they are all in their 3 ring circus, and I and not performing any longer!

Peace
Trina
Posted 12/24/2019 11:14 PM (GMT 0)
Merry Christmas Everybody. I wish you all a safe and happy holiday!!!

Hugs, Karen...
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