I am both happy and sad

Hi Everyone,

I would really like to get to know you all and hopefully make a few friends. I have posted in the prostate cancer forum and the anxiety forum. I have met some really nice people and notice the moderators cover more than one forum. The moderators who I have spoken with are truly kind and gracious. I thank them all for this.

I am not sure where I belong but after reading some of your stories I feel I may have found the right place. I am waiting my turn at counseling sessions. I often wonder what is truly wrong with me other than I am not happy. I would like to say up front I really love people. I talk to almost anyone and make a habit of speaking to new people at every opportunity. I have quite a few health problems so I speak to both patients and drs quite often. Not to speak to highly of myself, I will say everyone is kind and I am told I am quite a likeable person. I try my best.

I do have a problem with anxiety. It started a few years ago and increased as my father in law decided he would insert himself into my marriage. He wants to spend every minute with my wife and myself. He is more than I can take and that is putting it kindly. I have cancer and spine pain and he cares little about others as long as he gets what he wants. My cancer and chronic pain have drastically changed my life and now I believe after reading so many comments from others I am also burdened with depression.

I honestly love my life and almost everyone in it. I have many friends yet depression and anxiety have found a way into my life. I would like to speak with you nice people and hopefully make some friends who understand the burden of mental pain. I hope anyone who is a regular here will give me some guidance and hopefully some gentle care.

I have much I would like to discuss but will ease into it all slowly.

Thank you so much
dmo

Thank you Miss Karen,

You are such a kind soul. I am happy you are covering both the anxiety forum as well as the depression side. I hope to make many new friends here and will wait for others to show up. Who knows maybe my friendship toward others will help them as well. I have a fundamental belief in all people of this world wanting the same thing. I honestly think all people are looking for love and peace in their lives. I am not talking just romantic love. I am talking genuine caring of one person to another. We all need others to care for us.

I am just like others here in that I seem to have issues which keep me from being as happy as I would like. One example is in my married life. My wife and I have been together over thirty five years. I am going to admit some things which most others probably would not. As an example I consider myself to be happily married. I have never cheated on my wife. My wife is for the most part a caring individual. She does share some traits with her father in that she has a temper and angers easily over what I would consider trivial things. I have what I consider to be an irrational fear. I know my wife loves me yet when she gets angry at me for the simplest thing it makes me feel unloved. This is irrational in that if she were truly mad or did not love me then she would have left long ago. I know this yet this simple issue of mine bothers me immensely. When I harbor enough of this little issues I begin to feel depressed.

I know others here have their own issues leading to depression. Once I get to know others and connect with them I am able to offer support. Another issue I have is I bond easily with others and when they leave the forum and no longer talk with me then I get easily hurt. Yet I continue to try to connect with others and offer support to them. This is just how I am.

I have pulled back the curtain and revealed a little bit more of my soul so others can see.

I look forward to meeting and making new friends.

dmo

Hi Karen,

It does seem we run into each other often. The situation with my wife is definitely my issue. We have been married all these years and I know she does love me. It is just my insecurity thinking an unkind word is the end of the world.

Also not feeling well most of the time has an incredible draining effect on me.

I know people come and go. I should know it anyway. I just get close to people and get hurt when they move on as you say. I just don't give up though.

Thank you everyone.
dmo

A great book on friendship I read many, many years ago when I was feeling very along. Really helped put everything into proper perspective.

"Brief Encounters: How To Make The Most of Relationships That May Not Last Forever"
-- By Emily Coleman and Betty Edwards.