Hate my life

I was very depressed and didn't know how to get out of it. I thought there was no way out of that.

Then I saw a psychiatrist and he gave me an anti-depressant (sinnaquan) and it wasn't too long and I was out of my depression.

Do you see a psychiatrist? Have you ever tried an anti-depressant?

Please don't give up on yourself. And please don't self harm. It is real hard right now for all of us. Keep trying to hang in there. Get a therapist or psychiatrist to help you.

You are not a bad person. You are just going through a difficult time right now.

Please hang in there. Know we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen...

Thanks everyone. I do have a counselor that I meet with every other week. I also have a psychiatrist that I have and am
on medication. In December, I swapped to see if it will help with the anxiety.

I had horrible post partum right when the baby was born but this is different. I won’t self harm, for sure. No way. I was able to get some time to myself this weekend and that helped a little. My husband and I get out and walk the baby every night and that helps a bit too.

Maybe journaling will help right before bed.
Ask your husband to respect your privacy also the book is a.great tool to take to therapy
They can pick out what is important to process
You can do a a list journal to start. Getting all you frustrustrations out. I use it and it works for me

Example
Baby colicky would not nap today entire schedule thrown off

Burnt dinner ugh
Husband did wash. What a great guy. But I feel guilty, why?

See?

Thanks. I might journal. I just feel so down, and usually so tired at night I’m honestly not sure I’d follow through with it. I could try thought- couldn’t hurt I guess.

I contacted a marriage counselor and set something up for two weeks from now. In the meantime we just continue on with the monotony.

Thanks. I took today off but had the baby all day. I ended up with a migraine which I get quite often- I see a specialist and have had them under control. Maybe stress induced this time, idk. My husband had to sign off of work early to help me take care of the baby. I’m doing a little bit better this evening but it’s a doozy.

I’m so weepy lately- worse than when i started this post. I feel so inadequate as a mom, even though my husband is telling me I’m a great mom. I feel like every day is the same. I feel like we are just existing and it’s just a waste. I also feel like my husband and baby just deserve better. I think of what benefit I bring to them. What do I add in their lives? I know my baby would be worse without me, this I’m sure. But I just wonder sometimes.

I feel sometimes like it’s all so pointless. We work, we pay bills, we eat, go to sleep, do it all again the next day. It’s all so mundane.

I feel like I’ll never feel better. Everyone says take medicine, it’ll help. I’m on medicine and it’s worked but since this whole quarantine it’s been worse. I’ve always seen a counselor and I’ve been great at knowing when things I need to ask for help. I’m asking for help and seeing someone but thugs are not getting better. They are getting worse. I just doing see how they’re going to get better. What can they do for me?

And really, other people in the world are dying so what do I have to complain about? Right? I guess I just have to deal with feeling this crappy? I just don’t see how things will get better, and if aim doing what people say to do, in order to feel better, and it’s not helping, what else am I supposed to do?

It’s good that you are writing in.

You mentioned other health issues such as Psoriatic spondylitis, which net says is a form of arthritis. They listed several ways it can be treated. Are you getting any treatment for that?

You said, “I ended up with a migraine which I get quite often- I see a specialist and have had them under control. Maybe stress induced this time, idk. … it’s a doozy.” Are the migraines getting worse?

You said, “I had horrible post partum right when the baby was born but this is different.”

Under postpartum depression by the mayoclinic.org, they said symptoms are:

• Depressed mood or severe mood swings, Excessive crying, Difficulty bonding with your baby, Withdrawing from family and friends.

• Loss of appetite or eating much more than usual, Inability to sleep (insomnia) or sleeping too much, Overwhelming fatigue or loss of energy.

• Reduced interest and pleasure in activities you used to enjoy, Intense irritability and anger, Fear that you're not a good mother, Hopelessness.

• Feelings of worthlessness, shame, guilt or inadequacy, Diminished ability to think clearly, concentrate or make decisions, Restlessness, Severe anxiety and panic attacks. Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide.

“Untreated, postpartum depression may last for many months or longer.”

Some of the things you mentioned in your case sounded similar.

You said, “I’m just not happy. I hate my life. I look at my baby and think, I need a break. I just don’t wanna be here or be the person I am. I hate myself. I look at my baby, who is now a year old, and just think- just stop whining.

“Just stop doing xyz. I just want a day or two, or a weekend to myself. How selfish am I? My husband is supper supportive and gives me the afternoon to myself my I always feel like it’s not enough. I just hate myself for wanting more. I hate myself for being selfish. I hate myself for not being the mother I should be.

“Now I’m not suicidal but I do think about hiring myself, cutting myself, just doing it. Then I think how chicken I am. How my husband would see. How selfish that would be. I just hate myself so much. Is it all worth it?”

Do you think you have that?

Maybe you need a psychiatrist who has worked with postpartum. Have you tried a female psychiatrist? Have you tried other anti-depressants?

Does your hospital or another recommend a psychiatrist for postpartum? Can you or your husband call or find out?

Is there a women’s health clinic at your hospital or another? Maybe they would have some ideas on that.

It’s good that you have given an update.

Before the baby was born, you were fine. Artheritis didn’t bother you. Migranines were not around. Marriage was good.

On one post you said, “I’m just feeling super weepy even tonight. Just watching a stupid show on PBS has me crying, lol. It’s silly to even think about. I’m just being overly sensitive. I just wish I didn’t feel things so intensively, you know?”

In another post you said, “I’m so weepy lately- worse than when i started this post.”

I was once weepy and my psychiatrist said, “Aw you’re just depressed.”

So that sounds like depression.

As does, “I feel so inadequate as a mom, even though my husband is telling me I’m a great mom. I feel like every day is the same. I feel like we are just existing and it’s just a waste.”

And, “I feel sometimes like it’s all so pointless. We work, we pay bills, we eat, go to sleep, do it all again the next day. It’s all so mundane.”

And, “I feel like I’ll never feel better. Everyone says take medicine, it’ll help. I’m on medicine and it’s worked but since this whole quarantine it’s been worse.”

So, I’m wondering, is your being weepy a sign of depression? Are you seeing a psychiatrist? Have you tried more than one anti-depressant?

What was your life like before the baby was born? Your marriage was OK. Your arthritis, no big problem. Migraines weren’t there.

And you did say, “I had horrible post partum right when the baby was born but this is different.”
What does your psychiatrist say the problem is?

Are you generally a positive person or a negative person? Do you think you can get through this?