After Going Into Treatment, I Was Losing Functions

After I graduated high school back in 1997, I worked full time for a few years.

But when I went into psychiatric treatment in 2000, I was unable to work due to depression and other mental health issues.

I was okay with that at first. But by 2004, I was still on Maine state disability, unable to work at paying jobs like I used to.

I was unhappy about not being able to work as a paid employee. I felt like my life was going nowhere because of it. I wanted to be enjoying a successful career.

I told my therapist at the time that I was frustrated about not being high functioning enough to work full time like I used to.

She responded by telling me not to worry about being unable to be as high functioning as I used to be. She said it was okay.

But how was I supposed to not worry about it? And how was it okay?

To me, I felt that if you have mental illness and you go into treatment, you're supposed to eventually gain functions (unless you're in a manic state). Since going into treatment four years beforehand, I was losing functions! It didn't sit well with me.

Looking back, I don't blame myself for thinking and feeling that way.