Today is the sad day

i went to the centre today even tho i didn't feel like doing so. The whole time i was outside (which wasn't long) I was crapting myself and i was tht wound up tht i was feeling physically sick. When i got to the centre there was a meeting taking place to i decided to sit outside with a frend whike they had a fag bcoz tht was a lot more appealing than sitting in a crowded room with god knows how many pairs of eyes burning into the back of my head (eugh I feel awful just thinking about it). After the meeting was finished i went and had a chat with my keyworker and explained to him how i have been feeling for the last few days and he wants ne back in tomorrow even if is just to talk about how I feel (i'm not sure as it is not for sure tht i will be able to get a chsnce to speak to him). I then had lunch and it was time for me to go to my hearing voices support group at another local centre. While i was there i talked about my paranoia and how it's affecting me and while the group were having their fag break I talked to the facilitator about it in a bit more detail and just as i was leaving he told me tht if i ever needed to talk about the paranoia not to hesitste in phoning him. After the group I came straight home, locked the door and have been lurking in the dark ever since. I have been fighting the urge to drink again aswell as it is the only thing i have found up til now tht eases the paranoia. Sooner or later I am going to crack

Hi rango

If you feel like drinking you know what to do, I think.

Call your sponsor or someone you know in 12 step. That, or go to get to a meeting.

None of what your doing is fun, it is #@!×%^ darn hard! You are not alone. People care about you. Trust me, I'm 60 yrs old I know a bit about people in general.

Your co-worker would not try and make sure you'd be in today, if he didn't care.

I get your.paraniona, 100% lack of trust,

As scarey as it is, sooner or later we all have to let some crack open the door.

Baby steps, one small decision at a day/week that is positive in your life.
If you don't move forward. Nothing will change no chance for better things. Have faith in yourself.

We are always here☺
Peace and strength

So sorry that you are feeling so uncomfortable
Hang tough- try not to fall back on drinking
Sending good thoughts and prayers for your strength