Deeply depressed and need help

Hey sb, glad ya reached out. Sounds like the 32 year kid situation needs sorting, as it sounds like this is causing some stuff happening, and that will aid you when sorted.
Ok 20 yrs, this to me to think the celexa has well and truely pooped or just ineffective.
Right, off to the dr, get ya med situation sorted. Whatever the situation with the 32 yr old, grand kids get this sorted, get help with it, scream and shout about it! you got enough on your plate. Get this sorted you will get, at least some sleep, too much on your mind, brain in a flux, i get it, on top of other medical stuff.
Discuss the total situation with your dr, trazadone may not be the best at this time. Am no dr, just stating if your dr is not aware of all then he/she may make other assessements, recommendations etc.

Now, you need an ear. A confidante, a counsellor, someone who is trusted. Your dr can help, they have little hidden resources.

Keep strong, HT

You say,

"The stress from one of my grown kids, has made it impossible to not think about it constantly. I go to sleep, wake up in the night..its there again, and on and on.
This situation with my kid has and will continue to hurt all my grandkids, and my kid (32) yrs old, keeps doing things to make it worse. Anyhow, I can't fix it, I only predict the worst, and it's causing tension in my marriage. That's why I am here."

I had a lot of problems with my teenage son, his parents' marriage wasn't very good, but at 45 he is still causing me problems. So I know something about grown sons causing difficulties.

What is it that is bothersome about your son?

Thank you everyone.

I know I've been on Celexa a long time. I've also tried going off a few times only to discover I was much better on them. My Dr. Has suggested a councillor several times and I don't like the idea of on line counselling. Lucky I have a good couple of friends who just listen and don't judge. I also find just talking to my Dr. Is good enough. It's because in my situation I feel I cannot change things or fix them.
I feel I am in prison in my own home. Can't go away without our place getting wrecked etc.
My story is:
Part 1 My son (has depression)got his girlfriend pregnant at 19. The mom has bipolar. They fought, she took off abandoning her child, only to reconnect and have another kid. Later she has 2 more kids from another bf. Long story short, on going court orders making us the go between.
Part 2 My son hooks up with someone online..she is pregnant, but we think it's not our sons. Later, she has another kid..again both kids look nothing like him. Long story Short...same thing happens, another court order, making us the go between. We did tell him to get the "operation"many times.
Part 3 Turns out our son is trans. We take him in again, make him get a job etc. We gave him a large loan to pay his debts and buy a car etc. "She" is used to having us pay her way. The gender thing was a shock, but we understand the stresses. Her kids range from 3 to 13. The 13 yr olds mother has abandoned her again, and she is now living with her other gramma. Now my grandaughters mom does not speak to her or her own mother. All parents and step parents voice negative options in front of the children, they live in filth, etc. And the drama goes on.
This is not the half of it. I was scared to post because I don't want it getting back to the wrong person. So after this I may change my password. I don't know if the moderator can hide this somehow, or remove this thread after a while. If so, please contact me. Thanks

Well Sassy,

That is a load.

I would ask your doc about family therapy.
Your immediate family.
See what he/she says.

It seems impossible to you now, however, thing can change for the better.

It won't happen with out hard work and tough decisions. This is different for every person.
That is why I direct you to a clinician who can help.

As for your posts you can edit or delete your posting.
Click the top right corner of post.

Boundaries... Not getting sucked in to drama... It is all a work in progress. I agree with above posts, you need a professional in there somewhere. A moderator so to speak... I think it would help a ton.

Kudos on meditation and yoga. Both are relaxing and help you to be mindful, which is something desperately needed right now.

Do not spread yourself too thin. You need time for yourself to recharge in between things. You have a lot on your plate. I am sorry for the situation and the circumstances. But as they always say, it is what it is and you will deal accordingly. Keep hanging in there. Sounds like you are actually handling things well. I wish you the best.

Hugs, Karen...

You said in your 9-27-2021 post: “But on the positive side, posting my frustrations is helping. So is the added Trazadone. I can now sleep through the night.”

You said in your first post on 9-23-20212:

"Hello, The last 2 years with the Pandemic, family problems, and colitis have taken my depression and anxiety to a very bad place. I am hoping to bring myself out of this, and pick up some help here. I have been on Celexa for 20 yrs and now at 40mg (max) dose.

And “The stress from one of my grown kids, has made it impossible to not think about it constantly. I go to sleep, wake up in the night..its there again, and on and on.
This situation with my kid has and will continue to hurt all my grandkids, and my kid (32) yrs old, keeps doing things to make it worse. Anyhow, I can't fix it, I only predict the worst, and it's causing tension in my marriage. That's why I am here."

And so between your first post and your 4th and latest post there have been some changes.

Trazodone net says helps with: Depression, anxiety, sleep. As for sleep, I find that Melatonin sleep aid from health food store or drug store or net helps. I also use a heating pad on low, with a small towel between me and the heating pad to cool the heat down by about a half. The heat widens the blood vessels and makes things easier on the heart.

You said, “Because of restraining orders, we have made it possible for our "daughters" visitations for all 4 children."

It’s good that you are getting to see the kids. That’s going to help them and you, as you know.

You said, “All the grandkids have some sort of mental health issues. All the parents and step parents do too. There's a constant fight for attention.”

What sort of mental health issues do the kids have? The parents, the stepparents.

I know you said your son had depression. Is he getting any help? You said your son’s first girlfriend had bipolar. In my opinion, from what you said about her behavior, I think she’s had trauma and is a borderline personality disorder person, which is difficult to treat. That’s what our son’s girlfriend had and she was all over the place.

In your 3rd post you said, “But now, I keep thinking there is no light at the end of the tunnel.”
Were you raised in a negative atmosphere? I was and was that for many decades into my adulthood, until I read something about being positive when trying to solve problems. It really helped.

It’s good that you got away for a couple of days.

You said your father was and is a negative pessimist, and that your mother is a positive optimist.

Which one won?

So your first grandchild’s mom is not bipolar, but depressed and with anxiety, but now you think she is bipolar for you’ve seen some manic episodes. You said she had even been hospitalized.
What led up to that?

Hope the counseling will help. Glad the Trazadone is helping you to sleep.

Good to hear you are gong to the doctors to get checkups.

Next up could be diabetes, so we need to watch sugar. I don’t have sweets of any kind for another health condition. Carbs (foods which turn to sugar; oh, great) must have given me diabetes, orange juice probably didn’t help.

Glad to hear your positive mother won over your negative father.

Being positive, as you know, is going to help this situation.

You said, "The mother of my oldest grandkids, I still believe, does have some kind of disorder similar to bi-polar. Her mom tells me it wasn't, as she herself has bipolar disease, and is doing well on medication for 10 years. I believe it's in the best interest of our 13 ear old granddaughter to live with her grandmother who shows love and support when her own mom rejects her."

It's good that the grandmother of your oldest grandkids is positive, as she "shows love and support when her own mom rejects her." You've got some things going for you here. And so do the kids.

Is the 13-year-old living with the grandmother?

Glad to hear that "As grandmothers, we together, help keep the visitations going between the siblings. Not an easy task. Luckily we can keep tabs on all of them." That is very good.

You add, "...my son "daughter" ( forget to call her that) has finally been going to mental health counselling" That is good to hear. Has he been putting that off for a long time? Wonder if he'll be taking an anti-depressant?

Right. We don't want the same counselor. Is this the first time you've been to counseling? What are we talking here, depression, anxiety?

You said, “yes my 13 year old granddaughter is living with her Grandmother, She ran away from her mom and her abusive partner as she was unloved, unwanted, and basically there to babysit her younger brother and step sister, with another step sibling on the way. Communication between her mom and grandmother has stopped, and the grandmother is filing for guardianship.”

The first thing we ought to do is give that 13-year-old a medal, or a monument in the town square.

Good luck with the guardianship. I’m hoping that can happen. Hoping there will be a clause in there saying the mother cannot be around the child. I think there is a possibility that the mother will fight the guardianship to keep the child messed up, but will base her protest on “I’m just doing what’s best for the child.” Right.

I think you should write down how the mother is messed up. Get your daughter and the grandmother and the 13-year-old to write down stuff to tell the judge.

She’s going to present herself as perfect, and in the courtroom, she will be. And the judge might not know the difference. While the mother has rights, the 13-year-old does, too. And she was the one who ran away.

The mother will also be basing the protest on, she needs the child to get income, to have a companion for years, and doesn’t want to be embarrassed.

Your difficulty opens up a pandora’s box. Earlier you had said. "The mother of my oldest grandkids, I still believe, does have some kind of disorder similar to bi-polar.” I think she has borderline personality syndrome, like the mother of our grandchild had, from trauma in childhood. Like the mother of your daughter’s two children, this woman who had our grandchild had 1. Trauma in childhood. 2. Borderline; 3.house that was filthy; 4. was sexually promiscuous 5. Would leave her children for the latest man.

Does this call for a lawyer?

Good that you are talking more positively to your daughter. Don’t get me started on how I sometimes did not talk positively around my child, who is now a monster that I created.

Can you get a break from the stress? Do you have any hobbies? Do you have anyone you can visit or talk to? Do you have any favorite TV shows? Can you volunteer in a hospital or senior citizens home? Can you take the 13-year-old to a movie or for lunch or for a bike ride or to a dog shelter to walk one of the dogs? Let her bring a friend or two.

I think you need to get out to show that you can leave it. It’s not yours. Your grown child is grown.

Sorry to hear about the abuse. It doesn’t sound like it affected your core personality. My mother, brother, sister were sexually abused. It affected their core personality. I was the target of the fringes of that but it wasn’t too deep.