Tired..holding on for so long

I feel so down rn. I dont know how to live. I actually planning to end my life after graduate from highschool. But now i'm 21 yo, and i dont have any preparation for life. I'm still in a condition where i was a few years ago,that.. I'm afraid to die yet i dont want to live either. I dont have anyone to share my feelings too. I always there for everyone in their hard times...but none for me. I'm tired for holding on this life. I used to tell my sister abt my feeling, but only now i realized tht she always have this mind set "i have the same problem with u, but mine is bigger". So i stop telling her anything, bcs its only make me hurt more and she dont even admit it. I really got no one to tell. Im ******* tired.

While I believe there is no 'magic pill', anti depressants helped keep me alive while I sorted through the rest of my life circumstances...so I agree with Tim Tam...see a professional and get a therapist.

I've struggled most of my life. While so many of my friends knew what direction they wanted their lives to take, I never did find my passion, never settled on 'what do I want to be when I grow up'. Easily bored...with school, with jobs, with relationships...always moving but getting nowhere but more and more frustrated...and depressed.

I'd love to tell you it got 'all better', but I can't. What I can tell you is that with professional help and medication (for a period of time), I've learned to manage it better, at least most of the time.

Your life does mean something. Your post has helped get me out of my loop today. None of us get through it all alone. Gratitude lists are a helpful practice for me. Writing down the 'good', even when I have to search for it, can really help. It's rainy today. In the past, I would have gottn into a funk because it wasn't sunny. Today, I can make myself look beyond my own comfort and list it, because I know we need rain...because I know someone else likes rainy days...because I know I can stay in or dress appropriately for it if I must go out in it. So, it goes on the list, one way or another. Maybe give it a try and see if it helps you, too.