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Posted 2/21/2006 4:21 PM (GMT 0)
How much longer must I carry the weight of all this guilt of my girls mistakes, why do I protect them so...did I cause these things to happen?? Today the pain is greater then I have ever felt, not sure if I can function at work...tears flowing in my office will draw too much unwanted attention. My family Dr is not in and I know that I need meds to help get through these feelings.
Posted 2/21/2006 4:38 PM (GMT 0)
My depression over the last few years has resorted to alcohol abuse to cope....however, I feel I need more coping by day then night right now and I know better then to drink at work, I am the sole financial provider in my home. If anything I know Isaac at 3 deserves better, my adorable grandson cannot even pull me from the deep depression I am falling in now. What has brought me back to this far again....I am not sure....too many emotions, so lost today..I confessed to them my thoughts lastnight but I can't let them think I am here because of them..the ones I love and adore more then life itself. Why am I here again....what is so wrong this time. Britt married in Nov...3 weeks after meeting him...and 3 months later he put her in the hospital and he in jail and now she wants to move away with him and start over..how can she leave her sister and Isaac....what is she thinking...he will hurt her again. Why have my girls...Ashley at 16 had Isaac.....was this all from me divorcing their father, was I not there enough. My two little girls I cherished and now the pain they cause me...why
Posted 2/21/2006 5:49 PM (GMT 0)

Hello whereamI,  I am so sorry for all you are going through now.  Can you at least talk to your doctor's nurse and get an appointment for tomorrow, maybe she would be able to fit you in?  Or if their office has a nurse practitioner you can see?  It sounds as if you have some insight into what may be going on and recognizing that you need to see a doctor and probably need medications is good.  I also sounds as if you love you girls very much and take a lot of responsibility and or have a lot of guilt for the decisions that they have made in their lives. 

Keep trying to get that appointment hopefully your physician can refer you to some counseling.  Please keep us posted......

Posted 2/22/2006 3:24 AM (GMT 0)
WhereamI
Hi,I am glad to meet you.
Ok
I saw myself in your post. Quite a bit
I too am divorced and have gone through alot with my kids. And I always went back to blaming myself.
Thinking that if I would have stayed with their dad then their lives would have been alot better.
But
That is not true for one simple fact. If you are not happy,then your kids no matter what age they are,will see that no matter how hard you try to cover it up.
In order to make your kids lives better,you have to heal. And staying in a bad relationship is not healing.

Now something I can really hit on... your daughter
What I am going to tell you is going to sound crazy in your mind I am sure. But this is what your daughter is thinking:
"Yes he hit me. But he keeps telling me that he is sorry and that he loves me and that he will never do it again.
He makes me feel so special when he is in a good mood. And I love him"
"He tells me that he will marry me,and we will have a wonderful life"
" If I can just prove to him how much I love him then he will change.
WRONG,WRONG,WRONG

Believe me,I lived those lines for 13 years. It never got better..not until the day I became brave and left.
I was thinking about what my friends/family could have done to make me see the light back then,and here are a couple of suggestions that I came up with.
Taking me to a woman's shelter and letting me hear the stories and see the bruises,and then asking them about the first time that they were hit and then going through the above points that I kept telling myself to the women in the shelter and letting them tell me how crazy I was for thinking that way.
Maybe finding an ex girlfriend of the boyfriend,hearing her story.
And VERY IMPORTANT: Talk to the boy's parents. Find out if it is a "norm" in their family (watch the mother's eyes if she becomes embarrased then you know her own husband is using her as a punching bag and that is how her son learned it.
I hope it is not a norm,it was with my ex..I watched his father beat the hell out of his mom,and NONE of the 6 boys that lived in that house raised a finger to help her.
Do you have a brother or a close male friend that can give that boy some "friendly Advice" when it comes to your daughter?????
I keep calling him a "boy" no matter how old he is....a "man will never hit a woman"
It just gives me chills to think about a woman so young heading down the same horrid path that I was on.
Posted 2/22/2006 3:26 AM (GMT 0)
here is a little bit of what my mind puts out when I am down about the abuse...
I just wanted you to know I am speaking from experience on this subject.

Ring around the Rosy a pocket full of dreams, wishing upon a star, life isn’t always just what it seems.
The innocence of the child was taken, he listens as she screams.
He has changed her forever; her life has turned into a horrid dream.
She prays for God to help but he never speaks. She starts to realize life isn’t always as it seems.
A young girl thinks she has fallen in love, he fills her with hopes and soon to be forgotten dreams. The pain he now prevails on her runs so deep.
Her dreams are now gone, replaced with despair. She hides within herself, fear taking over as a daily routine.
Darkness takes over, the pain melts away, and her mind is filled again with her childhood dreams.
The ones that were taken from her, she has finally gotten back to the place where she belongs, somewhere where life is always, as it seems.
Posted 2/22/2006 4:56 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the responses, yesterday was all a blurr. Today slightly better, I can function which is good. I need to get into my Dr's office but today is not the day, no time. My daughter (the married abused one)...what is she thinking....she has an EPO againt him and continues to see him..she really believes he will never do this again. They have only been married for 3 months...it started 3 days after the reception. Actually, she is now confessing that on their honeymoon he locked her outside their suite in Vegas for 2 hours...she had to call security to let her in, she was humiliated. What a nut!
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