Losing hope

Hello, everyone!
Hope you're doing well.
I have been abused for years by my parents, relatives and others...
I was sexually harassed by my teacher when I was a kid.
In my childhood and teenage, my parents abused me mentally and physically for studies and I have been bullied by my classmates and harassed by some of my teachers.
(I don't study anymore and sometimes that makes me feel bad. But it's too hard for me to study.)
And my relatives used to make fun of me for stupid reasons. That's why I hate them and stay away from them.
Now I'm still being abused by my narcissist grandma and it's not possible for me to live separately.
My family follows a religious sect and I follow another one. But I have kept that secret because I will be in trouble if I tell them about this
I'm the only follower of this sect in my city.
I'm 25 years old and still unmarried
I have to choose someone from social media to marry someone from my sect. But because of years of abuse, I can't trust anyone easily.
I have been depressed for years because of all this and I even used to be suicidal some years ago.
Because of all this reasons I'm losing hope and I really don't know what to do.

Unfortunately no
My mom doesn't believe that I need therapy and we don't have any good therapist in our city

No

R12
Brave soul that you are.
This is a safe place..
I am familiar with what you are dealing with.

Your email is not listed I get it. I understand the fear that never leaves and freezes you from reaching out for help.
But you did. You did!☺

Click on my name to see my profile
Click email send me a
Private message and I will be there to try and help.
Feel free
to ask anyone publicly or privately about me
Be strong. we are all here to support you

Thanks for your kind words.
I have created another email account on Yahoo