Hanging by a thread

Where shall I begin ?
It I had my choice, it would be from the day I was born… but who has the time to write a never ending book?
I’ll start off by saying I’m 29 years old and female. I’ll be 30 in October. (Dreading so bad). I’ve been diagnosed with severe anxiety/ panic attacks , depression, and BPD. I do take medication and talk to a psychiatrist. But medication is only a band aid for my deep wounds. I’ve always felt out of place. Like I don’t really belong anywhere on the world. I’ve felt this way since I was a toddler. I didn’t have the proper love and upbringing as a child. As a teenager and early adult I self medicated with alcohol and other “things”. Nothing hard core though. I’ve been verbally and physically abused all my life by men. Then I found out I was going to have a baby. I had my daughter at the age of 24 and I finally got my life together. I finally felt like I had a purpose in this world. I found the feeling of TRUE love. I found out I was pregnant again at the age of 28 and everything changed. I’m overwhelmed. I let myself go. I’ve been drinking heavily and not being the best at anything. I dread waking up in the mornings. I can’t even escape my problems in my sleep because they haunt me in the form of nightmares. My nerves are terrible. Anxiety is out the roof. And I’m so depressed all I do is cry. Idk what’s happening to me. I just want to runaway and never look back.

You say, “I’ve been diagnosed with severe anxiety/ panic attacks , depression, and BPD. I do take medication and talk to a psychiatrist.”

The net says BPD is “Borderline personality disorder is a mental health disorder that impacts the way you think and feel about yourself and others, causing problems functioning in everyday life. It includes self-image issues, difficulty managing emotions and behavior, and a pattern of unstable relationships.”

Did you have a rough childhood?

Do you have anybody you can call on for assistance?