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Going Low Contact with Toxic, Narcissistic Relative

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Posted 2/24/2023 5:07 PM (GMT 0)
I'm so mad and upset with myself for reaching out to one of my relative. Unfortunately, I have no where to vent but here, so bear with me.

I've always thought that this relative was a bully and always felt uncomfortable around her. She would make snide and horrible remarks to me and other relatives and have a horrible temper. At one point, I was going to go no contact with her, but other relatives told me not to 'because we're family'.

The thing is she can be 'nice' and 'charming', but she has a Jackyll and Hyde personality. Despite this, I wanted to reach out and check on her as we haven’t spoke in a long time. Unfortunately, she has shown that she hasn't changed one bit. She is still self-absorbed, obnoxious, and rude as ever.

I'm from a very close knit family, but I don't want this individual in my life no more. I've decided to go low contact with her. I think what makes me mad is hearing people say 'you're family, you can't cut her off'; if we weren't related, we definitely wouldn't be friends. I hate how other relatives just put up with her behavior and say 'well it's just her personality'.

Well, I'm not listening to that crap anymore. Sometimes, family members can be your worst enemy and bring down your mental health.
Posted 2/24/2023 7:39 PM (GMT 0)
I had that problem for a long time then they all died off. Naturally of course.

I had that with my older sister, older brother and my mother. My brother and sister may still be around but I don't know it because they live in other towns and I haven't been in contact with them in about 20 years.

I have heard the saying, be close with family members but live in different towns.

One thing you might consider is to learn from your mistakes, which I never did for about 20 years. Since you've gotten recent rejection from this mean relative, you might consider not reaching out to her again,

Other relatives might tell you to be friendly to her, but if they talk bad about "Sally" then "Sally" might attack them.

At some point your own opinion can be the one that counts the most.

Some people aren't bothered by jerks. But jerks get on my nerves. I;m bipolar, and I can only take so much. Other people are smooth and can handle that, they go along to get along. That's not who I am and it's helped me in ways and hurt me in ways.

You mentined she's very hice in ways and very mean at other times. She may have a psychological condition of some sort. I knew this one lady who was extra sweet to disguise what lay unerneath, ultra mean, with vicious attacks,

And it took me years to catch onto that pattern, they were sometimes so far apart. She would possibly have had trauma in chldhood to act like that. Or just a toxic personality. What is Sally's story?
Posted 2/25/2023 11:12 AM (GMT 0)
I broke contact with some of my relatives and it was the best thing I have ever done. You can have friends that are closer than relatives. Blood doesn't always matter.

I would avoid this person.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 2/27/2023 9:16 AM (GMT 0)
I HAVE HAD TO WITH A SISTER, HER CHOICE,
HER DECISIONS, HER HATE OF US ALL, HER DRUGS, ELDER ABUSE AND SHE
STATES WE ARE ALL EVERY PROFANITY UNDER THE SUN.
WE HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. HT
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