I feel like something is sucking the life out of me

Hello. I used to come to this forum years ago for Lyme disease back in 2015.
Well many years have gone by now and I am 35 and have had my 3rd child a year ago. I have always suffered with anxiety, but not really depression.

After the birth of my third child, I felt my support system cracking, my best friend seemed to be jealous that I had another baby and when I would try to vent to her I was struggling she said "your not the only person in the world to have 3 kids".


I felt isolated and in over my head trying to keep up with caring for 3 young children.

I ended up trying to take control of my own health by walking daily, and I was able to wean off of my anti anxiety med (citalopram 10mg). But I cannot shake this feeling I have that everything is doomed. I am so sad all the time (different tha.the anxiety and panic I used to have)...I feel like I have no purpose in life or identity. I feel isolated and hurt from people who I thought were close friends who seemed to not care about me anymore. I do have a supportive husband and parents but everyone and everything is making me feel irritable, restless and I am even having trouble with memory issues.

I am a stay at home mom, because my husband works shift work, I sometimes miss my old job because of the social interaction I had and sense of purpose. I feel like my life is lonely and useless, I don't know what I am supposed to do. I clean, cook and care for my family. On paper I would look like the perfect mom, but inside I am screaming. I have tried to reach out for help, but when I tell you it feels like friends and family have turned their backs on me I mean it. Not sure what to do, was really hoping to avoid medication again, I took citalopram low dose for years when I dealt with anxiousness and insomnia. I am trying magnesium and ashwaganda but so far it hasn't helped my extremely low mood.

I am hoping to connect with others who are experiencing similar things.

Thanks.

Hello there!
I never was pregnant (male, lol), but have gathered for long the information about the consequences of pregnancy and childbirth. It is more than normal to get depression after the childbirth, for shorter or longer period of time. What is good, is that it usually is transient and eventually goes away. So, the issues you are having are not the result of your (disturbed) mental state, but your depression is induced by the most happy event in woman's life - having a new born. So, no reason to feel "disturbed", no reason to feel guilty, no reason to seek the treatment - just concentrate on your lovely kids. With 3 kids, you have plenty of to do in the house, so hope that you are not bored, at least not a lot. Always try to be "bottle half full" person, try and find beautiful things in life, there are plenty of them. I am 72, so close to an end, but my approach to life is exactly what I have suggested to you - the life is so full of beauty, only look around mora carefully. All the best! Peter