Prison of Blues

I am a 22 year old college sophmore.  I attend a small private university in a very small town in Iowa.  I have had depression on and off since I was 14.  I was never exteremly smart, so I spent a lot of time buried in my studies, and never had many friends becuase of it.  For the past three years I have had my depression under control.  But than some things happened recently that through my years of work out the window.  I don't really want to go into the details of what happened, I'll just say that I said something really dumb to another girl on my hall.  Even though I have apologized, and we have worked things out, a few other people on the hall are making life almost unbearable.  For the first tiem in 8 years, I actually thought of over-dosing, or ending my life.  I think if I were not such a coward I probably would have done it too.

I stuck in my life over analysing everything that happens.  The worst thing about this, is that I don't know why I care!  These girls and I would hang out on occasion, and on a certain level I considered them frineds, but not good friends.  I know I should not care, and I should move on, forget, ect, but for some reason it is destroying my life (so to speak).  I cannot forget what happened - it haunts my dreams, and my thoughts.  It is disrupting my daily life.  I have noticed that I do nothing but sit in my room all the time with the lights off.  I have troubles getting out of bed in the mornings, and have no desire to socializng, on an overly social campus.

I'm not looking for pitty, or answers.  I just really needed a place to unload where people are not going to look at me like I am crazy!  Thank y'all for this!

-M

Hi PeguinStalker,  Welcome to healing well forum.  I am glad that you felt safe enuf to post here and seek advice.

Unfortunately, most people don't stop to think of how their actions or words will effect someone else.  This is true especially of girls/females who can be catty and vindictive.

My suggestion to you would be to seek out a counselor or physician at your school.  I recommend this due to the fact that you have contiplated self harm and are isolating yourself.

Also is there a student advisor in your dorm?  I would suggest talking to them about this too as it seems that there may need to be some kind of intervention taken with the other girls.  Or they could give you some advice on what to do. 

Please keep us updated on how it goes.