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Posted 7/15/2006 5:21 AM (GMT 0)

Hello. This is my first time here. I felt I needed to talk to someone. I wasn't sure if I needed professional help or not...maybe you guys can tell me sad

First of all, I've been having a very tough year. And please don't judge me on what I'm about to tell you because I've been keeping it inside me for a very long time...

I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 yrs in Jan...Although I don't know why. I just felt we weren't "IN" love anymore. After seeing other guys I got an abortion. I have never told anyone this. Not a single soul. Not even the guy that got me pregnant. I felt awful and ashamed. I went through the whole procedure by myself. That is one thing I never want to experience again. Then I got into a car accident, which triggered my lower back pain which I had previously had surgery on. I've been seeing a chiropractor for 2 months now. Then my mom came (from another country) to visit. The mom that I never really get along with. The mom that I love with all my heart, but never really like. Then she told me this week that my dad had cheated on her. The dad who is my hero. The one person I really respect more than anyone. The dad that I love with all my heart AND like.

So...the last few days I havn't done anything but sleep. I didn't go to work. I didn't even call in sick. I just sleep all day and night. This isn't anything new. Every once in a while I get like this. I don't get the phone, I don't go to work, and I just sleep for days.

Do you think I need some professional help? I mean, I know everyone has their own issues and ways of dealing with them...but when do you know if you need to seek help?

Posted 7/15/2006 11:08 AM (GMT 0)
Hi luvdee, I wanted to welcome you to healing well forum.  This is a great bunch of supportive people here, so please don’t worry about being judged or looked at negatively in anyway.  We all have things that we worry someone else may not approve of but, no one is perfect and no one can judge someone else’s life until they have lived it.  So having said that.... It does indeed sound as if you have been though quite a year.  I can understand the break up of your relationship as sometimes people do fall out of love or grow apart.  There is no harm in that and you should not feel guilt or remorse for this.  I do know it is always hard to end a relationship especially when it has been a long term one.  I recently split from my husband of 5 years but we were together 11 all together.  Towards the end I didn’t feel "In love" with him anymore either.  It is sad but you do go on. Having to go through with the termination of a pregnancy is most likely one of the hardest decisions anyone can ever make in their lives.  It is extremely traumatic, and does cause guilt and shame.  No one should ever make you feel guilty for doing this as they cant possibly come close to the amount you put upon yourself I'm sure.  Whatever your reasons were for going through with it are your own, and you need to try to focus on them.  I really would suggest counseling to help you get though this.  It may help greatly for you to have someone you can talk to one on one, which is a safe place where you can let all this out and not keep it so closed in. As for your family situation, I have to just say that I don’t agree with your mom telling you that your dad had cheated on her.  The reason for this is that what is in a marriage should stay in a marriage and no matter how grown the kids are they really don’t need to know what problems are going on within that circle.  But what is done is done.... So all I can say is that no matter how much you have looked up to your father all these years just do remember that he is still a human being, flesh and blood and does have faults.  No one is perfect, there is no way for you to know what caused him to wander or cheat, it may be something very simple or something very complex...who knows.  But he is just a man, doesn’t mean he has to stop being your hero.
Posted 7/15/2006 4:59 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you elisha. I am so greatful that someone heard me and took time to comfort me. tongue   It's a nice feeling to know that someone hears you out. Thanks again. I'm glad I joined this :-)

But do you think I should get professional help?

Posted 7/17/2006 2:15 PM (GMT 0)
Hi luvdee,  I am so sorry I havent responded sooner, your post ended up pushed to the bottom of the forum and I didnt see it. It does sound as if your going through some rough times and having a difficult time coping with the things you have been through.  There is no harm in seeking counseling, and even people who arent having any problems often go to counseling just to be able to discuss stress factors in their lives.  So yes, counseling is always a good option. 
Posted 7/17/2006 3:48 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Luvdee  :-)  .  opening up is a form of counselling in itself.  I know sometimes for me just getting things off my chest helps.  You are definitely going through some form of depression.  Do you have somebody or somewhere to go to talk things through if this goes on too long?

You're went through a very tough year.  I know 3 of my girlfriends who have had abortions have suffered.  They feel terrible guilt and shame and very alone as it's a hard one to talk about as you already know.  I would suspect a little depression with this one is a common.

As far as your parents are concerned.  Not sure what to say as they are still people with people problems.  It's really hard when the 2 that you love hurt each other. 

You also were in the car accident which caused you physical pain.  You've had a triple whammy Luvdee.  Be extra gentle with yourself for a while.  You sound like a great person I'd love to know :-) .

Posted 7/17/2006 10:55 PM (GMT 0)

thank you both Elisha and Softy. It's a great relief just talking about it with you guys. I've had all these issues bottled up in me for months. I have friends that would understand, but I guess pride makes me keep them to myself. That's why I would like to get some counselling but I don't know what the first step is. Can I just look up a psychologist online and make an appointment?

Posted 7/18/2006 10:34 AM (GMT 0)
Well, you could go that route if you wanted to but, if you have insurance coverage it may be best if you call your insurance and ask what providers in your area are covered under your plan.  Then they will give you phone numbers and names to call for an appointment.  This way there are no screw ups with it not being covered...
Posted 7/19/2006 12:41 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Luvdee,

I'm sorry to hear the problems you are having.
Your break up, family problems and your recent termination could definatley cause you to feel down and depressed. It would be a good idea to see your doctor for some advice because it would be good for you to get some help and support. Therapy might be useful to you to talk out your problems.

I can understand the guilt and shame you are feeling about your termination as that is a normal respose but no one should ever judge you for what you did as its a very hard decision to make and no one knows the desicion they would make unless they re in that situation themselves. People have to do whats right for themselves at that time.

I'm a nurse and see many women who have terminations and they are all offered counselling afterwards to help them deal with things.

I hope you find support on this site, people here are very supportive and its good to talk to others who have the same feelings as you and know what you are going through.
Good luck with everything and keep in touch
Victoria
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