I am very unhappy and sad all the time.

My life has been no bed of roses as i have had 3 ex husband and one molested my daughter.  My father and i are estranged. As well as most of my family.  I was always the black sheep of the family.  I lost my mom in 99 while raising 4 kids on my own.  I kept guardianship of his sons while he was in prison because the kids were being raised together as a family unit. I felt it best for them since the boys mother had also passed away when they were 16 monts and 6 years old.  I have my up times but I have more down times.  I dont' drink or do alocholic beverages.  I was recently diagnosed with Epiliepsy at 45 years old. 3 months ago, my youngest son commited suicide and left us all with a beatiful 3 day old baby at the time.  She is now 3 months and means the world to us. I can't shake the feeling of loosing my son.  I cry unexpectedly.  If i have spare time to think, its of him.  His birthday is in 2 days.  The doctor has me on Lexapro and Risparadahl.  But she cant see me for another week.  My fiance says I am straining our relationship.  Oh yes and lets not forget menopause is setting in.  My niece is going to have an abortion this weekend and thats part of my family.  It just tears me to pieces.  I have offered to be the guardian of the baby and raise it. I need everyones thoughts here please.  I am in trouble with attendance at work and dread going to my job every day. Any suggestions would be helpful.

Hi Casper, Welcome to Healing Well forum, we are happy to have you join our community here.  It sounds as if you have been though so many things and have lots of stressors in your life.  I totally agree with Victoria's recommendation on outside counseling, this could do wonders for being able to work though some of the hurt and pain you are carrying around with you.  I understand it is difficult when you know of a family member that is in trouble or possibly going to do something that they may regret one day...such as terminate a pregnancy.  And you may be totally against abortion, but it sounds as if your niece is old enough to make her own decisions regarding this, and I know it is a terrible and most difficult decision to make.  I'm sure she doesn’t need any more guilt and pressure put upon her for her decision, even though your offer was most generous.  I don’t want to sound harsh but it isn’t your cross to bear. You said you’re on Lexapro and Risperdal; did a primary care physician prescribe them or a psychiatrist?  The reason I ask is that for meds like these a Psychiatrist should manage especially Risperdal.  Also you stated that you cry unexpectedly and that would indicate to me that you would need a medication adjustment as something is not working as well as it should.  Perhaps the Lexapro.  Call your doctor for an appointment, if your primary doc is prescribing the meds then ask for a referral to a psychiatrist, from there they can set you up with a counselor to help with some of these issues hopefully. Please know that we are always here so feel free to post as often as you like.  HW has some of the most supportive people around.  Take care

Hi Casper,

I was thinking of you over the weekend and was wondering how things went for your neice?

Honey