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I feel like I'm relapsing with depression

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Posted 8/12/2006 8:34 PM (GMT 0)
I'm starting to think my depression is coming back. It's been in "remission" for a good while. I've been on Lexapro since a year ago last March, and my biggest problem has been my anxiety, but the past few days, I feel I'm going downhill. The antidepressants keep me from crying, I rarely cry, but I'm still feeling really sad on the inside. I just started a new job that is quite stressful, and I've been having issues with my manager, my husband was just diagnosed with degenerative osteo-arthritis, my granddaughter starts kindergarten tomorrow, and my daughter hasn't been coming around much lately... and a lot of other issues. I'm starting to feel the old "go hide under the covers" feelings again. I don't want to go back to that dark place again. I'm already on as high of a dose of antidepressants as I can tolerate, and I am in therapy every other week. I am trying to hang on, but that's about all I'm doing right now... barely hanging on. I know I need help, but I don't know what else to do...

Bear sad

Posted 8/12/2006 10:09 PM (GMT 0)

rybird, I have edited your post as it has nothing to do with the topic on this thread...Please in the future if your going to post stick to the topic and be sensitive to others feelings.  Thank you ~ Elisha

Post Edited By Moderator (els) : 8/13/2006 9:22:48 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 8/12/2006 10:47 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Tangerine Bear - I am sorry to hear you are going through so much. Can you give it a few more weeks and when things settle down with your new job and manager, daughter, and then see how you feel? The reason I say this, is because several weeks ago..I thought I was also having a relapse. I am currently on Remeron (45mg) and Klonopin for anxiety 0.5mg. I started a new job..and was having really bad anxiety and the Klonopin was a lifesaver. Are you taking anything along with the Lexapro for anxiety such as Xanaz, Klonopin or Ativan? My two friends who lived here..also moved away, and it caused me great distress, and feelings of abandonment. (Most likely from early childhood years of when my Mother used to abandon us to go to the bars). I think it just brought back pain. I waited a few weeks before going to the Psychiatrist about another medication and I am glad I did..because I am feeling a lot better now. Things have settled down at work and I have settled in my new job. However, if you are suffering - see about maybe having your Psychiatrist supplement the Lexapro with another antidepressant or anti-anxiety. Perhaps it (Lexapro) has not stopped working completely and that way you won't have to go through withdrawals, etc. Anyway, just some thoughts - hope this helped a little bit more than the Phillips Screwdriver remark. Hope you are feeling better soon.
Posted 8/12/2006 11:24 PM (GMT 0)

:-)  Yes Rianna,

It did help a lot more :-) . I am on Xanax as needed, and lately it has been needed nearly every day at work, but the sadness seems to hit when I am home and the exteme stress of the day is behind me. I will wait a couple of weeks to see how it's going. I just saw my therapist on Friday, and don't go back for 2 weeks, but if this gets any worse, I will go to the doc about my meds. I really don't want to go through starting a new med, as I have been through that before and as you know it is a miserable few weeks to get adjusted; with the new job, I really don't want to have to go through that right now. I'm hoping that this will pass... thank you for the support.

Bear

Posted 8/12/2006 11:27 PM (GMT 0)
Rybird,

We have an ongoing "Happy Thread" on the anxiety forum. That would be a good place to post your joke! (It is a cute joke, by the way..) I just didn't understand what it had to do with my relapse...

Bear
Posted 8/12/2006 11:45 PM (GMT 0)

Hi lovely Bear,

Well, I know too well of late that extra issues in life can bring on a relapse (just gone back on meds myself), but I'm also with Rianna that this might pass without any need to change or adjust your meds. After all, you *are* going through a stressful time and perhaps need to be gentler on yourself and not beat yourself up about relapses just yet because what you're dealing with would stress *anyone* out. Can you wait till you change teams at work and maybe give your new situation a few days before you consult your doc on the meds? I think that change will really take the weight off your shoulders (after all, you say you're taking the Xanax at work, so that seems to be the thing getting to you most). If things don't clear a bit at that point, definitely have a chat with your doc: it's always possible that you've become tolerant to the Lexapro.

(((Bear))) :-)

Rosie x

Posted 8/12/2006 11:51 PM (GMT 0)
It was to break the ice. Depression is serious, It requires action. Heal the spirit and the mind and body will follow. I had to admit that I couldnt take it anymore, then believe that I could be restored to a normal life, then I had to cease fighting everything and everybody. Now the action: Write down everything and everybody that has hurt you, then write down why you think so. Now the hard part. Write down what part you played in it. then share this with someone you trust. Ask GOD to remove these burdens. Now think of any harm you have caused other people and make it right when you can. Continue to pray and when you can, help by sharing how you overcame Depression
this is how I came out from the bowels of Hell!
Thanks for the anxiety forum tip!
Posted 8/13/2006 12:00 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Rybird,

I'm very glad you're now getting to the other side of depression. This is great news. Perhaps you could set up a thread to share your story. Like Bear, I think you'd like the Happy and Positive threads in this forum and the anxiety-panic one: posting there and sharing your story would be a great way to meet people on these boards.

Welcome to HW and best of luck.

Rosie x
Posted 8/13/2006 12:08 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Rosie,

Good Lord, I hope not!!! I don't want to change meds! It was such an awful experience when I first started antidepressants, trying to find the right one! My lexapro has helped me so much, and when my doc raised my dosage a few months ago, it also got rid of the awful heart palps I had been experiencing. You are right though, there is no evidence in the drug trials for this med past a year, so I suppose it could stop working... I really hope not. I think like everyone has said, that all the stress might be causing this feeling of a relapse. I'm hoping I get past this, and don't go back to the way it was before meds...

Rybird, it was a good ice-breaker... you sound like you have a great sense of humor. I sometimes think mine got lost along the way in the past couple of years. You have some good suggestions, and I know that I need to start journaling again... it really helps... but I just don't seem to have the time or energy lately. I'm glad that you have overcome your depression, and that you take the time to help others.

(((Hugs))) to all,

Bear
Posted 8/13/2006 12:21 AM (GMT 0)

Oh Bear -- I didn't mean to worry you about the tolerance thing! That's almost certainly not what's going on here (especially after only just over a year) -- all that stress is a much better candidate for being the cause of how you're feeling. Sorry sorry sorry for any anxiety caused!!! (Darn it, I really wanted to calm you down! Bad Rosie nono tongue )

Rosie x

Posted 8/13/2006 3:15 AM (GMT 0)
No No, Don't feel like that Rosie!!! I have been wondering about this myself for a while. I'm pretty sure that's not the cause though, because my doc recently raised my dosage and it calmed down my heart palps.. Don't pay any attention to my rants... I'm just thinking out loud... You didn't and would NEVER upset me... you are always here for me!!! I am so glad to have such a supportive friend!! :)

Not bad Rosie... Sweet Rosie!!!

Love,
Bear
Posted 8/13/2006 11:39 AM (GMT 0)
Oh-ho Bear -- I will *always* pay attention to your "rants" -- but in a positive way! yeah It's good to think these things out loud -- otherwise they get much louder in our heads!! I'm so glad I didn't upset you. Phewieeeee! You're a great support to me too Bear -- you're such a lovely, gentle, big-hearted soul. I'm so glad I have you as a friend. :-)

(((Bear)))

Rosie x

Posted 8/14/2006 12:32 AM (GMT 0)
I don't know if this will help and you may already be doing this, however when I was on meds and started to feel like maybe I was going backwards I started to exercise. It was like a miracle and as it turned out, the things that were starting to build up were that way because I didn't have anyway of dealing with the stress. The exercise not only got me out of the house (I walked in a local park) but also dealt with the physical symptoms of stress. Hope it helps. Best Regards.
Posted 8/14/2006 3:04 AM (GMT 0)
Activity , Activity , Activity. Like Stronglady if I can get up and move, do something physical and engage my mind in housework, yardwork or excercise that requires concentration it does relieve the pressure. Hope your feeling better. Jer
Posted 8/15/2006 10:09 PM (GMT 0)

Oh, sweetie. I am so sorry to hear you are having a relapse. Depression can be a horrible thing. I have also been dealing with depression and much like you I have had a pattern of on agian off agian depressoin...with anxiety attacks.

The last time I relapsed it lasted 13 months....13 months of daily pain....13 months of cutting myelf & doing a dangerous dance with sucide.  I never got help. Each time I would do well...then fall...then get up...and fall agian. It was/is a vicious cycle that I  feel/felt trapped in.     

I started getting help.The first step was this forum, then I began researching self help, and reading books written by therapists exc. I am going to be seeing a theripist too.

Your journey through depression sounds alot like mine. Depression is a chemical imbalance....but it can also be caused by other issues. In my situation 21 years of repressed rage, fear, saddness, and self loathing, stuffing my feelings away because I couldn't deal with the pain or because it wasn't safe to talk about the pain or the horrors that were my childhood. These feelings contributed to or caused my depression. It was their only outlet. I have so much grief, sandess, rage, and fear that I have not delt with...because of being raised in an abusive situation...that the only way for those feelings to come to the surface was for them to manafest all at once in a horribly painful way.

I am going to a therapist so I can learn how to work through the immense grief and anger that I have because of my parents. Treating the feelings but not the source is not a good thing..my feelings would go away for awhile but always rear their ugly head agian. I urge you to seek help from a specalist if you have gone through any traumatic or painful events in your life or childhood. I have found that my depression keeps coming back because I have not gone through the grieving process fully and I am carrying around 21 years of unresolved stuffed away emotions that I havn't let surface on a fully concious level. working through these feelings make me very sad, makes me feel depressed, makes me have anxiety attacks...but I realize that these are things I need to deal with(and not just stuff away or medicate away because they are uncomfterable) to fully grieve and get well and move on with my life as a healthy sane adult. 

Good luck and hugs from me. I hope you will be feeling better soon.

              

Posted 8/16/2006 7:59 PM (GMT 0)

Thank all of you for your replies. I have been feeling that "comes and goes" thing this week. Somebody posted ... somewhere... to eat strawberries... so I've been having 2 a day for the past few days... worth trying :-) and pretty tasty, too! I know I need to go back to my walking, I just haven't eyes <-- BAD BEAR!

Mlbsss, I'm sorry for all that you have suffered. My therapist tells me that I haven't worked through my grief from all the losses in my family, and I certainly think that's a big issue with me as well. (((Hugs))) back and I hope you are feeling better as well!

((((BIG HUGS)))) to all on the depression forum!!

BEAR

Posted 8/16/2006 11:42 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Tangerine Bear...do you ever think about how wonderful you are. You are working. You are interested in your grandchild and your daughter. Your are concerned about your husband's health. You are keeping house. YOU ARE WONDER WOMAN.

APPRECIATE YOURSELF.
Posted 8/17/2006 1:47 AM (GMT 0)
It happens. I too am going through relapse and would rather take care of myself rather than suffer any longer.
Posted 8/17/2006 10:59 AM (GMT 0)
Bear, lovely Bear :-) , you know I'm a *big* fan of yours -- and I second everything Joan said: you are a wonder woman!! yeah yeah yeah yeah

Rosie x

Posted 8/17/2006 2:45 PM (GMT 0)

Dear Joan and Rosie,

Oh my, what a sweet thing to say... :-) ... I certainly don't feel like a wonder woman, not even close, but it's nice to hear! In addition to feeling low mentally, I think I have been overdoing it... working too hard and not resting enough, and now I've come down with an infection and my doc has me home for a few days to take antibiotics and rest. I can't believe how fast I got knocked down by this sad . Maybe it's all related, the depression + overworking (overworrying) lowering my resistance or something. The support here really helps and I appreciate it so much!

Randy, I'm sorry to hear you are having a relapse as well. I hope you begin feeling better soon.

(((BIG HUGS))) to all my friends here on HW,

Bear

Posted 8/17/2006 4:09 PM (GMT 0)

Hey Bear :-)   -- Remember that even Superman has his kryptonite -- so you, as Wonder Bear, are also susceptible to not feeling well. When you're low mentally and stressed it really can affect your immune system and I'm not surprised this has taken a bit of a toll on you. -- Really glad though that your doc has you in hand and you are going to get the rest and treatment you need. Maybe some honey for Bear too? tongue

Lots of love to a poorly Bear :-) :-)

Rosie x

Posted 8/25/2006 5:19 PM (GMT 0)
hi everyone,

I've been sick for the past 2 weeks... some kind of respiratory infection... it really knocked me down. I haven't been to work in 2 weeks either, and have been completely exhausted and having some pretty awful physical symptoms, which seem to be subsiding a bit today. My appointment with my therapist is today, and I can't help but realize how far down I have slipped emotionally in the past 2 weeks since my last visit. I'm sure it is good that I am seeing her today. It almost feels like this illness has made my depression come back full force, but I know that it's mainly a physical illness that caused this. I start back to work in 2 days, and of course, now I'm stressing about that... it seems like it doesn't take very much to make me slip right back into the dark place.

Bear
Posted 8/25/2006 6:40 PM (GMT 0)
Hi bear,

I'm so sorry you have been ill. Sometimes illness (particularly viral infections) can cause or make depression worse. I once had glandular fever and got very depressed after that.
I hope your appointment went ok and that it helped. I have had some time off work recently myself and am due to go back in a couple of weeks and am worried about it so I know how you feel.
I think that once I get back to work and get back to my usual routine it will definatley help me.

I hope you start to feel better soon. Keep in touch.
Take care
Posted 8/26/2006 9:00 AM (GMT 0)
Oh Bear,

Have to be very quick this morning as I've got to go and catch a train in a mo -- but wanted to send you hugs first (((Bear))). I'm so glad you posted -- I'd been wondering how you were. Sorry it's been so rough. Victoria's right though: the illness can make depression worse -- as you pull out of that, you will start to feel better (hey, I'll make sure of that!!!)

Lots of love to you,
Rosie x
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