This is just too much

Ok hey everyone. Im probably considerably younger than most of you guys. I just really need to let all of this stuff that im feeling out. Im only 17 years old. I got pregnant when I was 14 and had a beautiful baby girl when I was 15. The guy I was with started out great. But about 2 weeks after my daughter was born the guy I was with started beating me up. I broke up with him the day before my daughters 1st birthday. He was controlling obsessive and abusive. He stayed living with my parents and myself for about 16 months. He moved out one night because apparently I was hanging off of a guy who just so happened to be my cousin. Firtsly id like to say..the guy was on the other side of the street anyways...and secondly..we werent even dating so what the hell. He had his own room but he just HAD to sleep with me. I couldnt get away from him. There once was a time where i started cutting myself. It wasnt to commit suicide...it was to make me feel that it wasnt him hurting me it was myself. After he finally left my house I felt a bit more free. But then he would constantly call me and tell me I was a ***** if I was even with my girlfriends. One night I was at a friends birthday part and he wouldnt leave me alone. When I told him to leave me alone for once he told me to come and get my daughter because he didnt want her anymore. Well that set me off. I went to his house and my mom showed up and I told her everything. A year and a half I was putting up with all kinds of abuse and I had had enough. He wants visitations without supervision and I feel so terrified that if he gets them he will do something to my daughter. Charges are supposed to be pending but the officer im dealing with is in Cambodia. Lately my ex has had his stepfather drive him around looking for me and my boyfriend. They threaten my boyfriend and call me a ***** and a ****. I had called the cops and they said they couldnt do anything about it so my father went to their house because I was in tears. He went and told them to stay the hell away from our house..they called the cops and guess what? Yup they came straight to us. Great justice system we have here huh? We have court going at the moment. I've been feeling very down lately. I had been put on antidepressants but took myself off of them because they wore me out. I cant eat I cant sleep and I cant get the thought out of my head that hes never going to let me be happy. I dont want to resort to hurting myself to try and make me feel better.  I tell everyone around me that im fine but I know im not. I dont know what to do anymore. Im 17 with the life of a 40 year old. And its beginning to kill me. Anyways, thanks so much for listening. I know this took up alot of your time if you ended up reading this. I just need to talk I suppose. Thank you.

I am sorry but I have had to a edit out certian part of your post due to discussing self-harm (being graphic).  This is against forum rules #1 of no discussion of self injury, threatened or intended physical harm.  There are many people who post who incuding kids/teens who could easily become influenced by something that we post.  So please take care in the future regarding this.  Thank you ~ Elisha

Post Edited By Moderator (els) : 8/22/2006 4:29:24 AM (GMT-6)

BLAC, you have taken some very strong first steps -

1. You stopped keeping this a secret and told someone.  That shows real courage.

2. You began legal steps.  You have to do this to document what has been happening.

3.  You realize that this is hard to deal with and came here.  Don't keep how you are feeling a secret.  If your family asks you how you are feeling, tell them the truth.  No one goes through this alone and it sounds like they will stand by you.

In addition to what you are doing, see if there are any services for battered women in your area.  They will have advocates to help you through the legal system and resources that may be able to help you along the way.

Keep in touch