cant get rid of the negativity

 If I didnt have bad luck............

   I live in a constant negative state, the glass is half empty, 

 I feel like I need to change to make people like me, I dont think I have ever been myself, i'm scared what might be there, and the saddest part is I am a single Mother of a 10 year old. He is living with a hateful, crazy woman who loves him very much...I have been for psychological help 4 different times, but they think its because I'm going thru a rough time, Oh Ive had my share of crap no doubt but this isnt just me, my brother committed the unthinkable at 40, my other brother is in the same boat as me and has never gotten any help, so its in my family...I sometimes think I like being the victim, but I hate it..I have worked full time all my life and ac***ulated a pension and RRsp's, however I made a fatal error and invested it all for a better life (listening to someone leses advice)...and lost it all in 2 years. I am now doing a job I hate and feel stuck with no way out. I cant afford to move back where I was and where my friends are, so here I am depressed as hell and feeling very sorry for me and my son.

I have no partner to tell me its going to be alright, my family are in another country did I mention I am an older mother, going thru my change of life to boot....IVE DOOMED MYSELF GOOD

when i was reading i was thinking wow i think that way too. I wonder if you take or if you've ever taken meds. they really do help. i remember one time things were real hard for me, i had been off my meds was far from home...boyfriend extradited accross the country on felony charges. the short of a long story is that i walked into a hospital emergancy room and had a break down. they always ask you if you feel like hurting yourself??? (duuhh i'm standing here before you a blubering idiot screaming about nothing because i have nothing beter to do) what i told them was that i would if that was what i had to do to get some meds. i didn't want to get admitted, i just needed meds. i walked away with a bag full of samples and started feeling better soon. it's hard to pull yourself up by the boot straps when you don't even have the energy to tie them. i'm glad you posted you helped me. thank you. i'm new to this posting thing...it feels safe.

32years