no point

I can't even figure out what to write.  No hope.  No happiness.  No meaning.  No purpose.  Not a day goes by that I don't wish I were dead.  The world is filled with pain.  People hurt for no reason.  I always thought it would get better when I got older.  I'm 51.  I cry every day.  Songs on the radio make me cry.  Seeing or hearing women or kids get yelled at or abused makes me cry.  Thinking about it right now is making me cry.  Lonely people make me cry.  I hate the people I work with.  I hate stupid selfish people.  I hate my life.  I love my son.  Hate my wife.  I want out of everything but can't hurt my son.  Nobody understands me.  Nobody understands what I'm saying or what I mean.  Nobody sees what really matters.  Maybe I don't either.   I'll never find the one person I always dreamed of - a friend I can relate to.  I just want to sleep and not wake up.  I don't eat much.  Don't drink and don't do drugs except sleeping pills a few nights a week.  I live on coffee and cigs mostly.  stupid diet I know.  I'll spend the rest of my life lonely, living with the same hatefully person in a loveless marriage and working with people I hate so I can give my son the things he needs including time.  Drugs or therapy for me isn't the answer.  I don't want to know how to deal with things.  That's just dealing with the symptoms.  I want the pain and suffering in the world to go away.  I want people to stop hurting other people.  That will never happen.  If life were a game I wouldn't play - it's a rigged game, no way to win without making someone else loose.  sorry for the rambling whiney post.   I just felt I had to do something.  I don't want advice.  I just thought maybe someone somewhere knows what I'm talking about.  Anyway thanks for letting me post.

i could have written that posting that he wrote....i too, am stuck in a loveless marriage but it is better than being all alone i guess although we both know we dont really love each other it is more like compansionship sex is not an issue b/c it isnt enforced or asked for on either of us part, we are just like friends living in a a common place and both waiting to grow old to leave.

i dont know waht i am doing anymore i have one son also. i try not to watch tv as i cant take it anymore, if i watch i end up taking xanax to clam me down.

waht a terrible time to be alive in this day and age i think some times.

we are still so primitive and  have to resort to waring to keep inflated egos puffed up. waht about the dignity of jsut day to day living?

i at 50 have tried to give my kid 22, everythnig i did nt have so he could have a better time of it.

oh i know it could be worse, i could be living in a tent somewhere under a bridge or out in the fields of china scratching for my dinner

but usa is not all it is cracked up to be sorry i dont want to sound liek a traitor.

i was told once that you are alive to make the world a place a better place for those to come to follow behind us. i dont by it.

but what really changes, it reminds me of the old 70's song by 'we dont get fooled again' by the who, in one part of the verse the songs says 'meet the new boss, same as the old boss.''

its the same all over again. every day new tech to try to keep up wit hthe jones...the pressures of not knowing enough and being left behind.

heck 50% of the students of fl schools do not graduate...waht happenes to them?

i am tired of the day to day pressurees so i sleep too much also i would rather dream people ask me why do you sleep to much -to escape

I was in a loveless marriage and I got out. I feel staying in a bad marriage is not good for the child. My son was 4 (he's 17 now)when I left him with his dad and I do not regret a day since. I see him twice during the week and every other weekend. I would rather miss him than subject him to living in a house with people who dislike each other and fight all the time. Not to mention I'm much happier living alone than with someone who just wants to argue all the time. I hope you are feeling better soon.