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Posted 11/30/2006 12:28 AM (GMT 0)

Hi there,

This is my first posting... I am hoping.. well to find some hope.

I have been depressed almost constantly since I was about 13 yrs old. I have tried many different anti depressants and have gone to therapy. I don't feel any happier. For a long time, I smoked a lot and ate for comfort. As a result, I gained weight which only added to the depression. I have managed to lose a good portion of it and have been exercising and eating healthier. I still smoke every day after work and I still binge on food.

Some days I feel okay, but mostly, I feel depressed and hopeless. I think about how nice it would be to end it all at least once a week. I would never do that to my family but if it weren't for them...

Almost every day, I tell myself that I will not smoke tomorrow. That I will eat healthy and exercise tomorrow. Some days, I do manage to eat healthy and exercise, but it is rare that I can stay away from ****. I think I use it because I can't bare to be sober with my mood and thoughts. The **** distracts me from everythign I'm feeling. I know that this is probably a big part of my problem, but I can't seem to stop. I feel like I'm beating my head against the wall.

I really don't want to take anti-depressants anymore. I have been off of them for about 6 months. While on them, I didn't care about anything and my problem only grew worse.

Has anyone out there ever beat their depression? I mean the kind of depression that was with them every day for years and wasn't the result of a factor of life? Do you have any advice?

Hi, I am sorry but I have had to edit your post due to it violating forum rule #1 of no discussion of illicit drug usage.  Please if your going to post here in the future do read our forum rules and regulations and become familiar with them.  Thank you ~ Elisha https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=46&m=106997

Post Edited By Moderator (els) : 11/30/2006 4:11:21 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 11/30/2006 1:38 AM (GMT 0)
Hi I have only posted here once and have been on the Crohns site many other times. I have just been diagnosed with depression but know that I have had it for many years. I take Celexa and it has helped but only about half. The other half of me gets bored and have no energy and feel like I dont want to be here and have been once in the Phscyatric ward for a week because I wanted to commit suicide.I have 4 children a loving husband and am overweight too. I have thought many times about starting to drink or do dope or other drugs just so that I feel relaxed. I watch oprah and her guests trying to get off meth or other drugs and all i think is yeah what a great idea. I have alot to live for but I am not happy. I work part time and dont really like it. Even though Im selling chocolate and ice cream. IF I cant be happy there where will I be . I know its my attitude towards things. I have had such medical issues all my life that now that they are better I dont know how to live painfree. Off of pain meds now for a few months, but that was how I was happy. If i knew someone who did dope I could get it but I dont. I did it in high school so I know I would love to again I am so much happier being high. My kids say Im so much funner. If only they new. My son is in high school and he jokes about getting whatever you want. Hope this helps Zoe
Posted 11/30/2006 3:51 AM (GMT 0)
This is just from my personal experience.....but I used to smoke pot and I smoked EVERY day for MANY years and I was NEVER happy. While it did help me 'zone out' and get a lot accomplished like housework, etc(which was a rare side effect considering everyone else I knew became couch potatoes) it took me so far away from reality and it was not healthy at all. I used to to 'get away' and never learned to actually DEAL with real life. This year I broke up w/ my ex of 10 years who was never a great influence and mainly the reason I smoked so much was b/c I used it to hide how unhappy I was w/ him and everytime I tried to quit, he just bought more. well, Ipacked up, moved to a new city and I ended up meeting the most awesome man that I could actually see myself being with for the rest of my life. He has been clean and sober for 15 years and is SOOOO strong, I admire everything about that. He has taught me how to live life w/o drugs and how to deal w/ REALITY. While I am still battling depression right now, its more from dealing w/ so many changes in my life and I KNOW that once I get through this stage, I will be soooooo much better off. I lost every single one of my friends due to that break up. I found that they were all 'smoking buddies' and once I quit, they had no use for me. Well now I am surrounding myself w/ new people who could care less about that stuff and it feels awesome to have something else in my life w/ real people. It takes a lot of strength to quit, I know that first hand. I once remarked to a friend who quit smoking cigarettes that if he could quit that, he could do anything and he said to me "I look at it the opposite--I can do anything so I can quit" I thought about that a lot everytime I had a craving. I got through it. I also got through quitting smoking cigarettes a cpl of months later. It has been 5 months since I quit smoking pot and tomorrow will be 7 weeks since I quit cigarettes. If I can do it--ANYone can!!! Find yourself a circle of support whether it be family, friends or people you seek out on Craigslist or MySpace. Chances are, someone else near you is battling the same thing and could use the same support.
Posted 11/30/2006 6:20 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Lostgirl and Welcome to HealingWell. Do you have a therapist that you can talk to? Have you ever considered joining a "recovery" group. Substance abuse is usually covering up depression, anxiety & mental illness. Once you uncover what is broken, you can begin to heal it. Recovery groups are the best way. You will be with others who are struggling to stop addiction and learning how they are doing it. Everyone will be at a different stage in recovery and you will get strength from them. You don't have to share. Just show up and begin the journey. One thing you will learn is "one day at a time." Their is hope in recovery. I hope you do it.
Posted 11/30/2006 2:27 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Lost Girl

Welcome to healing well

I am in the process of trying to beat my depression. I do take antidepressants and they have really helped me. If the antidepressant that you were taking before didn't suit you, try a different one and you may find that it benefits you.
I think you should talk to your doctor as there are so many things you can do to beat depression. Counselling or psychotherapy may benefit you and as hopefulmigrainer said, maybe a support group.

Keep in touch and let us know how you get on

Take care
Posted 11/30/2006 7:16 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone,
I'm a regular in the prostate cancer forum and this is the 1st time I've snooped in this forum as I've been deeling w/ depression myself. Lost Girl, I spent a great deal of my adult life high on one drug or another and beleive me, I know how you feel. I quit all illegal drugs the 1st time my oldest son overdosed on narcotics. That was about 4 years ago. I couldn't expect him to stop if I couldn't. While he was in rehab, one Doctor told me that the depression meds. he had been on for several years could not work on him because the receptors in his brain were all plugged up from the stuff he was smoking every day and if he didn't stop, they would never work. I don't know if this is true, I'm just telling you what he said. He was the head of a famous rehab center here in S.Florida. So maybe it's just like you said, "it's a big part of your problem." Trust me I'm not judging, you only trying to hel!
Good Luck,
Pete
Posted 12/5/2006 4:29 AM (GMT 0)
Hi - this is my first post on this forum but have posted on the Chronic Fatigue site before. I've just recently been told i suffer from depression, which i already knew - because even though to many people i mightn't look the depressed type, i often for no real reason feel the need to cut myself, and if i can't do that then i like to punch a brick wall until my knuckles bleed! The thing i don't understand and like to much is that i honestly have no reason why i feel this way (because my familys great) and i feel embarrassed to talk about it because of that reason!!
Posted 12/5/2006 12:35 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Zeez, Welcome to the depression forum, we are happy to have you.  There are many people who dont understand depression or what it can do to someone exactly and often I have heard people say "they dont look depressed"....well, depression does look like anything.  It is a feeling that is inside that those of us who have it carry and deal with, some of us are better at hiding it then others.  But I often think people expect to see those of us with depression as zombies and that just isnt so.

I wonder if your seeing a counselor or psychiatrist? and if your taking an antidepressant for your depression?  These are going to be key things in helping with it.  Also, counseling is something that your going to need to do to face and deal with whatever underlying issues there are that make you want to cut and harm yourself in the manner to which you have described in your post.  We cant discuss those things here on this forum as they are against forum rules but I am going to leave you a web site that you may find interesting (hopefully).

Please do feel free to post here on the depression forum, we would love to hear more from you.  Take care. :-)

http://www.selfinjury.com/index.html

Posted 12/5/2006 2:08 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Lostgirl
I know what you mean, I'm 40years old and I think I've always been unhappy even as a small child, Ilived in a dysfunctional family and my parents always fought. I've tried throughout the years but I haven't found any hope for me.
Elisha said that depressing looks like anything, I can say that is truely so. I go to work each day and no one at work would know how much I struggle within. I'm also a diabetic, watching my weight and my exercise and I'm not sure why anymore, there doesn't seem to be any point. I come home late in the evenings and cry myself to sleep most nights.
I always seem to meet the wrong people who just seem to justify my feelings about people
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