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obsessive throughts over rule my true feelings

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Posted 12/25/2006 10:16 PM (GMT 0)

morning all, hope you are having a good christmas :)

had a good day at spca yesterday, i have come across what i believe will be a potiental problem, there was a new girl there, and i think she likes me, too much, maybe im jumping to conclusions but i may need to nip it in the butt by telling her no way hosay..

the last time a girl liked me i said i liked her (at the time) but i didn't and whole thing ended up in a big mess, i dont know why i do that but i guess to have someone like in in that manner means something to me even though at the time it is not true to my heart..

I tend to lead people on thinking its the right choice i made, when in the end its not.. im afaird that will happen again.. i need to wait till i can confirm my conclusions and if its true then i'll have to tell her no because my feelings are lieing to me.. i think it could be because of the extra attention i get and as a result i end up believing it all means something when it doesn't...

i know im freaking because im afaird these false notions are leading me down a path which ive been many times before where my feelings lie to me and people end up getting hurt... so if im right i need to deal with it.. even though my head says otherwise, i know it would be wrong for anything to happen, because my feelings are for someone else.. but my stupid head just keeps going on about it..

i only have feelings for one person there, and at the moment as it stands with her we are just friends.. and im cool with that as i hope our friendship remains and see what happens.. im in no rush because of the many issues i have inc the rocking, that one will be the hardest to explain, and my dark moods, and doing nothing but listening to music most of the day, social phobia etc means there is just no way at this time and moment...

i hope this is making some sense because this is going to be going around in my head prob all week and i need to fight my brians thoughts because they are wrong.. i dont want to lead another girl on again because of my obessive thought patterns...

takecare all :)

i hope you all have a good xmas!

Posted 12/26/2006 8:32 AM (GMT 0)
Hi there greymouse
Slow down..take a breather...and sit back and relax a little..
Take each day as it comes along..
You are in control of your life...if you don't want to get into a relationship just now then don't...
Have fun with friends, laugh and be happy..you will know when the time is right to become involved with someone..
Maree
Posted 12/26/2006 12:16 PM (GMT 0)

Hey there greymouse, I totally agree with Maree....dont think of this potential situation as a problem since the female in question has even came up to you yet.  If you dont want to get into another relationship with someone new then stand up and say "no thank you, but we can be friends" and see where that takes you.  It seems that you know your feelings just that anxiety is wrapping you up and twisting things to an extreme for you.  Stand firm and be strong you’ll be okay, we have faith in you, you just need to have faith in you.  :-)

Posted 12/27/2006 7:45 PM (GMT 0)
hey thank you for your ofers of support and understanding :) i can understand what you are saying :) it gives me a new perspective on the way i think which is what i needed some clarification on my throughts..


i've done it before about being friends to someone else, it took alot of guts, but i felt better knowing that friends we were no more.. so i'll wait and if something happens i'll suck in my fears and let her know..

i can get obessive, obessive enough to believe something which isn't true.. i wish i had someone to talk to at home, to express my throughts and them giving me some clarrification of what it all means.. sometimes i get so worked up about something that i believe that im doing wrong, and that im evil, that i cannot see the truth of the situation.. i need to try to relax more, being with the animals helps cause they love to smooch, i keep telling myself im here for the animals thats all.. which does help bring me back to earth! :) snap me out of it! slap across the face to shock me out of that path of throught! *whack* ahh clarity! lol

going to busy this week, doing the lawns soon and some gardening becuase it is a mess out there.. my birthday is coming up soon 31st Dec.. still in the process of organising everything.. i think once the lawns and gardens are tided up i'll feel alot better, on saturday im planning to wash mums car.. as a thankyou for her letting me use it to get to spca..
this time of year is always busy, alot of people in town yesterday, scrambling for car park spaces..

i gave my mate at the spca my cell phone number, through i might get a txt from her but no go.. i think she told me she didn't have any credit left, but i could be wrong, either way i'll just let it be..

my mind is quite focused on doing the lawns and getting outside, trying not to think about the barriers of going outside, it would be easier if the neighbours went away for the day so i dont have to feel paranoid that they are watching.. yesterday the throught of the neigbour coming over to look at the shower sent me into a panic, i just didn't want to see anyone, i kinda freaked out and make dinner in extra fast pace.. but it still took ages to cook lol... so hiding was next to impossiable lol and then the neighbour never turned up lol all that panic for nothing.. i guess its the silly season!

all the best

Posted 12/27/2006 11:33 PM (GMT 0)

I am sorry to hear that you dont have anyone to talk to at home...that has to be hard.  I wondered if you have ever tried to write in a journal before?  You know like when you get panicky or want to start rocking you can take out a small notebook and start to write instead.  Just an idea if you havent already tried it.  Of course if your into electronics then your most likely not too up on writing by hand...lol :-) .  Most of the guys that I know that are computer inclined hate to write.

It's neat that you like to garden and do lawns.  I have trouble remembering to water my house plant...finally, my mom saved it and took it from me.  Happy Birthday to you!

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