takecare all :) more ramblings from me..

Hey greymouse,

Sorry you are still having conflicts with your Mom.  I have the same problem and don't even live with her.  She'll tell me to do the same thing over and over again.  It makes me nuts.  All she does is complain about my Dad not cleaning up the basement.  He spends a lot of time working outside or on the computer.  She just does craft stuff between her various outside activities.  It's not like she's cleaning either.  She is very double standard that way.

I about lost my mind when my laptop died.  I tried everything to keep it working, new hardware, new software.  Luckily, I copied most of my "important" files off onto a backup memory stick.  I got an new laptop, but it's totally different, so I don't know how most of it works.  The worst part is when I'm using it and one of my cats walks over the keys.  They do all sorts of wacky stuff to the screen, then I have to figure how to undo it.  Plus, it has a wide screen, which was so weird to get use to.

My parents were making me crazy over the Holidays, especially Christmas day, because I spent too much money, and took too long wrapping packages.  Of course, the only thing I got that I wanted was a specific calendar that I showed to my sister.  I asked my parents for an I-POD, but I'm sure my Dad didn't even mention it to my mother, who would have hit the roof over the cost.

My mom thinks I take to much medication and wants me to get off as much as I can.  She doesn't realize I need more medication, not less.  She doesn't understand the depression, or the fact that it takes all I can muster just to get through a day.  She's always pushing me to do things, when I'm in so much pain I can barely move.  I'm not on Disability just because I didn't feel like working.  She is very stubborn, and it takes moving a mountain to get her to change her mind about something.

Going to log off now.  I've got to install MS OFFICE PRO.  Oh, boy.

Leigh Ann

Hey greymouse,

Our moms are so much alike.  Just wondering, how old are you?  I'm 41, and have been divorced for five years.  I live in a two bedroom townhouse by myself with my three cats, but my parents only live about a mile away, which at least gives me a little break. 

My depression is really bad most of the time, but I don't show the major symptoms.  I don't lie in bed all day because I can't sleep in my bed.  I have major back problems and have to sleep in a recliner.  I'm more of a night owl, because I don't like to sleep.  When I sleep, I have bad nightmares, so I either wake up really depressed or sometimes even with a migraine.  I am officially Disabled, so my activities are limited by my chronic pain. 

I've kind of regressed back to 21, when I did wild and wacky things, and was mostly carefree.  I got a spikey punk haircut and dyed it magenta.  My mom is contantly on me to let it grow out and dye it back to its natural dark brown.  I got both of the cartiledges at the tops of my ears pierced, and got my eyebrow re-pierced.  My parents were not happy.  They threatened to disown me if I got a tatoo.

I wear black t-shirts with sayings on them all the time, lots of spikes, handcuff and skull earrings, and lots of black leather.  Needless to say, they don't like the look.  I just got a bunch of Buffy the Vampire stuff, both clothes and other collectibles.  It's my absolute Favorite Show of all time.  They still air episodes on FX at 6 or 7am.  They are not pleased with my appearance, but since I don't have anyone to impress, I dress the way I feel comfortable.

Nothing in my life turned out the way I wanted it to be.  I never expected to be alone with no husband, no children, no house of my own.  My future doesn't look very bright for me.  Because my health problems are chronic, I will probably disabled for life.  I'll never be able to have a career that I enjoy, no family, a very limited income, and a never-ending string of doctor appointments and surgeries.  My shortterm memory was permanently affected by a drug my doctor had me on at way too high a dosage.  My movitation to do things is about nil, and I have no friends anymore to hang out with or talk to.  The few I had when I moved back to town have totally blown me off.  It's very lonely. 

I live in this dark black hole, but it doesn't show on the surface.  I have a very sarcastic wit, and most people see on the outside.  If someone asked me how I'm doing, my regular response is "Rotten, but thanks for asking."  They usually gets a laugh, but I'm really telling the truth.  My parents want me to join a support group, but who wants to sit around talking to a bunch of depressed people.  Once I had to go to a group therapy session, when my psychologist decided I needed to stay overnight in the hospital.  I was stuck with a bunch of crazy people acting like they should be on the Jerry Springer show.  A total waste of time.  I've been in counseling for several years, but the only thing I get out of it is I get to vent to an unbiased person.  They've never actually given me any worthwhile advise.  I guess that's why my posts get so long and windy.

Going to shut up for now.  I've got a big financial talk hanging over my head, which my parents keep alluding to.  They are making me crazy, not dangling it over my head.  I wish they would just say what they mean.  I don't make enough on disability to cover my monthly expenses, especially with medical/dental costs, and they are really hyper about how much credit card debt I've got.  They knew I was running short every month, but didn't make any set arrangements to augment my checking account for over two years.  Hence, why I put so much stuff on credit cards.  I've been indulging in a lot of on-line retail thereapy, and  I've got a ton of credit cards with big balances.  I've got to do some juggling before I talk to them, and figure out what I can leave out of the conversation.  Wish me luck.

Let me know how you are doing,

Leigh Ann

hey you okay cranky1?

just needing to vent and rant over the last few days..

i've had a rough few days, one problem i had was with something i brough and though my brother would be interested, he was complaining to me that he didn't have a dvd-rom drive, so because i was buying one that day i offered it to him, at the time he said yes, so i said i need to test it and the next time you come over i will give it to him../ then he came over i said im going to test it now would you like to come see, he looked annoyed that i asked him to come and have a look, i couldn't get it working on my old style computer, but knew my brother would have a better chance in getting it going because his computer was alot newer, but he turned it down! he had it in his hands and said you can have it, but he started umming and ahhing and didn't want it in the end! so i wasted all my time and energy trying to please him but he rejected me.. my guess is that he wasn't interested because he would have to do some work / research to see if he could get it too work...

my dad does the same he would complain to me about a computer related problem, i would spend days researching the problem and coming up with answers to try, and hes not the least bit interested in trying or looking at any of it! humff learnt my lession now.. that just hurts and upsets me because they both keep rejecting my help..

me and my bro went went to town to exchange a dvd because it had scratches on it, and he didn't check the disc before or after he brought it home.. boy did they make a big deal out of it! you could clearly see that the disc had scratches on it, and the shop attendants (k-mart) where make a huge fuss over it! they wanted to know when i where it locked up, it could lock up anywhere in the movie! they loaded it into a brand new dvd player, of course the dvd wont play up as bad on it the laser head is brand new! which is unreleasitic! most people have had there dvd players for many years so there laser head anit so good any more! and if it plays every dvd in his collection they will all work execept the one he was returning! so do we have to buy a whole new dvd player just for one movie?? i dont think so! in the end we went to the manager and explained what the story was and the ebst he could do is give us a gift votcher! not even our money back! and the worst part is, they could have exchanged it! because all that would have happened is that would send the defective dvds back to paramount and they would get a refund so they would loose nothing! it was hard because my stress levels where getting to the top, and it felt like i was having a panic attack.. diffculty breathing..

takecare all