I need help!!

Hi there. Well, I don't have words of wisdom but I do have words to reassure you that feeling relieved when the kids are gone is pretty normal when you are experiencing a bad time. So is not getting the housework done and watching a lot of t.v. Although I do not have the answer for what will make you feel better and therefore want the kids around and feel like cleaning or something other than t.v., I highly suggest you go easy on yourself because to get down on yourself for not wanting the kids around or not housecleaning is going to give you something else to feel bad about. Just tell yourself these are normal things with depression and cut yourself some slack. Give yourself permission to feel relieved when the kids go and to not get all the housework done. Know that as you feel better, you will be more inclined to want the kids around and to clean the house. Depression is like a bad knee--you have to favor it a little while at the same time you have to work it a little. Know that you will not work as well as you usually do while you are depressed, accept that, and know that as you feel better, the rest will come. Just don't get down on yourself for feeling like you do for you will just feel worse. Give yourself a break while you are healing as if you just had surgery or something. Be kind to yourself and go easy on yourself. As you get to feel better, and I am sorry I don't have the answer to that for you, you really will feel more like yourself and like doing the things you used to. Know this is temporary and just be easy on yourself. Feelings are automatic. To feel relieved when the kids go is just a natural response to a depression. It isn't a reflection of who you are but of what you are enduring right now. My words of wisdom are be good to yourself, be patient with yourself, and cut yourself some slack. Don't expect what you don't have right now and just know it will come along as you do.

frassy

I have always said that the one of the worst parts about being in the midst of a "crisis" (which includes a depressive state) is having kids- you so want to be there for them but it is much easier to not have to deal with them.  I find now that I breathe a sigh of relief when I drop my 15 year old off at school in the morning, and, hate to admit it, but am almost looking forward to my daughter going back to college after semester break (she is such a great kid, but just seems to disrupt our normal flow when she is home). I think these feelings are very normal when we don't feel well ourselves.  As women, our tendency seems to be to take care of everyone else before we take care of ourselves. So, I think some great advice was given- we need to allow time for ourselves and to let go of the need to be perfect (why can't I take my own advice?-LOL) I have found that taking a walk helps somewhat- it is time for "me" and allows me to clear my brain a little bit.  (By the way, my husband gently mentioned yesterday that our house looks like a pig sty- he has been helpful around the house, but I just don't have the push right now to straighten everything- and I used to be a neat freak!! I think we just have to let go of certain things and not be so hard on ourselves!!

Hi Dj
I am a mother of 2. Believe me I have been realived several times when my kids went to school,or bed.
I had severe anxiety and panic attacks when my house was messy. Then it went into severe depression. I think that it was because I felt I could not control most things in my life,but if I could control how my house looked I felt alot better. It became obsessive to the point to where when my kids went to bed I would stay up very late making sure that last load of laundry was done (my daughter tells me now that she did not worry about when she would be able to wear her favorite outfit because it was clean the next day).
anyway I just wanted to tell you to not feel bad about being a normal mom. We love our kids but it is nice to have a break.

Dj, No your not alone...I watched Girl, Interruped yesterday too on LMN (my ex called it the man haters channel...lol!).  Hmmm, allowing yourself to indulge in your flaws?  I think that is something that most of us do.  Especially women, we worry about our weight, hair, broken fingernails, on the not so superficial fronts...disabilities.  I have MS, an autonomic disorder and also heart problems which has caused me to have a pacemaker at 32 yrs of age.  I tend to hibernate in the winter months and not want to do as much as I do the rest of the year.  This is actually very common for most people.  Dont feel guilty for your feelings as they are very much valid.