Feeling down at the moment again

Tried to save a pigeon yesterday, a hawk was eating it alive.  It had really serious injuries to it's throat and neck, and had to be put down at the vets.  I stayed with it while it died and stroked it while it took it's last breaths.  I know it sound daft to get upset, some people say it's only a bird, but i don't see animals as beneath me, i see them as living, breathing, feeling beings.  It brought back memories of my cat having a stroke last year and having to put him down because he was dying and in a lot of pain.  Been feeling teary and down since yesterday, guess it's the finality of it all, the not knowing if they are now ok.

Today my son's been quite challenging with his behaviour, maybe he senses i'm down and is reacting to it, although he frequently has behavioural problems anyway.  I deal with it better some days than others depending on how much sleep i've had, and what else is going on at the time.

Thinking about it i've been quite low since that job interview at the hospital, where they're hawling me in to see some doctor to assess my mental health for the job, another unnecessary invasion into my past.

Been religiously sticking to taking my vitamin B complex because it's really helped level my moods out (I'm quite up and down usually), but even that is having no effect at the moment.  My partners away all this week and next, which isn't helping because he keeps my moods level most of the time because he's such a placid lovely guy.

I keep things quite tightly locked up/pushed down, from my past which doesn't help because they tend to bubble up and 'spill out' from time to time resulting in another low mood episode.  I don't know how to deal with my past, i've tried counselling, and found a really good counsellor, but i find it easier to just bury my head up my backside and pretend everything is fine!

Sorry everyone, feeling bit sad at the moment, i know it's just temporary and i'll come out of it soon,

Best Wishes,

Sarah

Hello, thanks for replying, i'm ok on the whole, just on a bit of a downer at the mo.

I am not sure if I caught how old your son is?

My little man is seven, he's developmentally around a four year old, which at times is nice because he cuddles into me like my baby, he's still my little baby, no matter how old he gets.  Othertimes it can be a problem because he can have four year old tantrums in a seven year olds body which can be hard to deal with.  Also sometimes he wants to join in with the older kids, and generally i try to accomodate him, and they are usually good with him, but sometimes it's not possible and that frustrates him.  I have to go everywhere with him when he's not at school or in our home (which is Ewan proofed!), because he has no awareness of danger and would happily run off down the middle of the main road if left to his own devices.  That can be frustrating for him because what seven year old wants their mum tagging along everywhere with him, and when he gets frustrated if i don't let him do something, i feel really bad and down about it for following him around.  Like the other day when the older kids were going down the slide on a skateboard and bouncing off at the bottom, my son wanted to have a go, but he wouldn't have understood he'd have to hold onto tightly to the skateboard, and he'd have fallen off a very high slide.  He got so upset with me and i felt like the worst mother ever for not including him with them.  I try my best to make sure he gets included with their games, and has a 'normal' life as possible, but sometimes it isn't possible

HELLO!! WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY KID!! )lol.  

lol!!!!  Yes i feel like that when his teacher tells me all these wonderful things he's doing at school, like feeding himself!  Lazy monkey always wants me to do it for him!!!!  Bless him!

A single mom in itself is something that not alot of people can do. And then to have a child that has problems,and you are doing it by yourself? 

                                
I was a single mother for the first four 1/2 years of his life.  Thankfully i met a really lovely guy who i've been with for two 1/2 years now.  Him and my son really get along, and Ewan calls him daddy now, which is lovely.  He stays with us for a few weeks while he's working down this way, and then he goes back up to do his course for a few weeks, he's re-training to be a plumber.  We're both studying.  He's really understanding about my depression which is nice.  He's such a breath of fresh air compared to the abusive relationship i was in with my son's biological father.  He doesn't know where we're living because he used to be physically abusive as well as mentally abusive.  He's an alcoholic.  I've moved four times to get a peaceful life for me and my son.  All i ever wanted when we moved away was for my son to have the best father possible, my father when i was growing up was very cold, detached, and regimental.  I still love him even though i'll never be able to get close to him, i accept now thats just the way he is.  I'm just so glad my son will have the chance to grow up with a loving cuddly father who wants to take an interest in him.  That makes me more happy than anything.

I think you need to change your nick to "Warrior"...that seems to fit better      

I still find it really hard to take compliments even now!  It's so much easier to take critisism isn't it lol?!  Thank you, even though you made me blush!!!!        

Now...maybe it is time to find a sitter when you friend gets back,and just have a night all to yourself? I am thinking a nice dinner,a glass of wine..and a back rub? ;)

Hope you're going to spoil yourself too soon, it's good to do something nice just for ourselves once in a while.  Besides you need to take care of yourself so you can take care of the family.  Maybe treating yourself to a nice box of chocolates and a video, or a trip to the hairdresser, anything to feel good once in a while.  I'm lucky that my mum has Ewan one night a week so i can get some sleep, because little man tends to wake up a lot most nights, so that one night is very precious!  Speaking of which i just realised how late it is, lost track of time then!  Time for bed i think, up early again....

Sorry i don't half waffle on sometimes!!!!  Must get out more!!!!  I like chatting on here though, you're all so nice....  

Take care,

Sarah