Depressed, and In a rut

Hey all,
As my senior year is drawing closer to the end I find myself in such a hole right now. It could be the cold weather, but it's probably just me. I've been feeling really depressed lately. Depressed about school, not seeing myself as having a future in anything, not being able to find a job I like, or find a woman thats compatible with me before my high school experience ends. I wake up and its always a good day or a bad day...the bad far outweigh the good though. On my good days I tell myself that things are getting better...and that night, before I go to bed, I think of ways to make the next day great! But when I wake up, its like amnesia...Im automatically in depressed mood, and I've forgotton everything I told myself.

Is this normal?

I Just have a lack of caring anymore. I've lost touch with my church, I yell at my family. I ***** about my problems to my friends 24/7 like they are all some sort of psychiatrists. I have no motivation to do my school work EVEN WHEN FAILING! School is horrible....I know just about everyone, I wouldnt say im popular, but more of a guy you say hi to in the halls and I hang out with a lot of different groups...but when it comes to the work, I will sit in class and listen to music, twiddle my thumbs, or do anything but work. I've tried to have my teachers push me harder, and Ive tried coming in for extra help...but my lack of motivation kills me. I see what I want to do, yet my body says, just go to sleep and feel sorry for yourself. Just about everyday, someone tries to help me and talk to me. And I always think "This is one of those moments where you have a coming of age moment and change, because it is so profound." But it never changes.

about two years ago this started but it was far worse. I was having panic attacks, anxiety attacks. I would dissociate out of my body, it became physically numb to the touch. I never did medications, just therapy which sort of helped because I havent experienced anxiety to that extent since. I still am always nervous of what people think of me, I feel judged. I feel nervous all the time when I know I should be confident....I just dont get it.

I am killing my friendships, my relationships with my family and church, and any potential love-interest. Can someone shed some light on why things are this way? How can I change?


P.s. - I am not suicidal. I dont cut, drink, or smoke. I have never been medically treated in the past for depression, but it is a depressed feelign that I constantly feel.

Hi pops, Shy has given you some wonderful advice/suggestions here.  I very much recall my senior year and how things started to go down hill for me...I felt more depressed then usual, anxious, stressed out and generally pushed the people closest to me away.  I didn’t seek any sort of help at all I just went on and finished school moved out that summer and went away to college where it continued to get worse. 

Your post really struck me as you seem to have a lot of insight as to what is going on and happening with you which is usually not the case with most teenagers.  When you talk about dissociation in the fashion you have, also with having panic and anxiety attacks it would usually or normally be related to some sort of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Meaning that the person would have suffered some sort of trauma and there is an unknown trigger in the brain that is causing these attacks.  Counseling is what helps these types of situations the most in conjunction with antianxiety medications if the doctor feels it is necessary.  You said that you were in counseling two years ago?  Perhaps you can sit down and just talk with your parents about how you are feeling.  There doesn’t always have to be a reason or root cause for these things what is important is that you communicate to those who can get you some help.  Shy had a great idea of printing out your post here...

Let us know how things go for you...we are always here

Hey pops, do you think you'd be willing to try antidepressants? I think they would help you a lot in your case. I don't think that this is some kind of situational depression -- I think your brain chemistry is off. You know when this started to happen, and it doesn't seem like any event really set it off for you. Therapy can only do so much. Most people have success with both therapy and medication. Talk to your parents about this and don't wait to do it. Just speak up about it to them and they'll get you the help you need.