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Posted 4/8/2007 3:24 AM (GMT 0)

restless 1 said...
IBS the fact that he is still living with your mother would be really hard to deal with .But as you said all we can do is make sure it doesn`t happen to our children and to the best of my ability i have done this .I have made my children aware of what is right and what is wrong . now that they are adults i just hope they will carry the message with them to their children .
Restless

Restless, it is very hard to deal with, knowing my mother choose him over me and I know she believes me but WILL NEVER admit to it. It hurt me more to hate her than to deal with her, so I do now on a limited basis. I so want to confront her but I am scared to, very scared. I am going through a major depression stage for so many reasons. All the ppl in my life I have loved/cared for have turned on me. ALL of them, my mother, my brother, my so called bestfriend, my ex husband and now the man I truly knew I was in love with. The man I am in love with right now and have told everything too is leaving and I can not go with him, so it isnt his fault but it still makes me feel the same way. I dont have any family left at all, it is ME AND MY DD and I am very thankful for her, but I think abut the ppl who have caring loveing families and wonder why WE cant have that!!!

Hang in there, we have too.

Posted 4/9/2007 3:34 PM (GMT 0)
I just have to say the hurt and pain that all have gone thru is horrid and no it wont go away entirely
I am very open and when I saw Mike that day acting like " father and hubby" of the yr at a function I could not hold back I said it with honesty and he heard the pure disdain ( hatred) in my voice ...his wife had to know IMO he has beautiful young daughters ....would I be wrong in not protecting them from the hell I went thru
I think not ........I could not live with self IF it were to happen to them ya know

Stay strong
We have too
Posted 4/12/2007 5:51 AM (GMT 0)
Ketelynn,

I sent you an email!!
Posted 4/14/2007 2:34 AM (GMT 0)
I have been away from posting for a while, because I started having dreams about my abuser and family taking his side etc etc. I guess rehashing all this did start me thinking about it too much. I could not watch tv movies involving abuse for many years. There are constant reminders all over the place. But for the past few years after therapy, it didn't bother me as much. Now--me teenagers becoming "active" bothers me a lot. Nowadays they seem to accept it as the norm. TV & music tells them to.
Sassy
Posted 4/14/2007 12:27 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry i haven`t posted for a while but it all just got too much for me .So many things have been stirred up over the past few weeks and i`m also trying to help a friend come to terms with abuse she has encountered as a child and encouraging her to get some help.It`s really taken a toll on me .
Katelynn you are so wonderful to be able to stand up and try and stop furthur people being hurt by your molester something i`m still unable to do .I have confronted two of the many that caused harm to me one on the phone and one by a letter which i wrote to him ,but i can`t go any furthur not on my own .Maybe one day my sisters will join with me and we can do something together but they are still blocking it all out and wont talk about it they all acknowledge that it happened but thats all .
There are two many reminders out there i have stopped watching tv and movies i don`t read the news papers anymore but still you hear from others about all of this and i have so many friends online that much the same things have happened to them there is no escaping it .I have tried to lock myself away but it does not help at all it will always be there .
Restless
Posted 4/14/2007 6:09 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Katelynn, I hope posting here has helped some...getting these feelings and thoughts out is always the hardest part because we (as abuse survivors) tend to internalize them.  I have stayed away from this thread as I am having some difficulties lately dealing with my own past abuse and I have restarted some intensive counseling for it.  I am hopeful that I can learn to live with what happened to my brother and I as kids without feeling rage, hate, anger, and this constant sick feeling that I carry deep inside of me all the time.

I was sexually and physically abused by my stepfather which started when I was 3 yrs old and ended when I was 11.  My mother worked a lot and my stepfather "Charlie" worked for the fire department so he was home quite often to "take care of us".  When I was 7 Charlie's first wife died so, his two kids from that marriage had to come and live with us.  His daughter was a year older than I and he had molested her before.  He had an older son that was like 16 or so...it is hard to remember but he was a mean, twisted person.  I remember Charlie's son one day trying rape me and his sister was holding me down...it was like some sick game to them.  My little brother helped me get out of the house before anything happened but it was a big fight. 

Everything that happened in our house was a huge secret.  We knew if we told we would get hurt really bad or Charlie would kill us all like he threatened so many times.  One day I don’t know exactly why but my brother told his school counselor what was happening and she called the police.  My brother, me and Charlie's daughter were taken to a shelter for abused kids.  Of course there were exams, and many questions from the police and other people that I don’t even remember who they were.  Charlie was arrested and put in jail.  As for his son he was directed to leave the house and live with other relatives.  That was when it came out that he had been molesting my brother who was only 7 yrs old at the time and had most likely been going on since they moved in with us.  My mom was shocked because she didn’t know what was going on and police suspected her of knowing.  It was 2 weeks before she was able to get us back home.

There wasn’t a trial and we didn’t have to testify to anything regarding this.  Charlie plead guilty to a reduced charge and his sentence was 6 months in a mental institution and 6 years probation.  It does make me angry that he was able to walk away with basically a slap on his wrist.  My mother divorced him promptly and as soon as it was final he remarried another woman who had been friends of theirs.  Apparently she didn’t believe that he was a child molester...problem was she also had a daughter and he started to molest her.  When it came out that he was abusing her she was removed from the home and he received probation again.  He is still married to that woman so I can only imagine what her daughter must feel. 

It sickens me to be able to see his face on the Highway Patrols Sex Offender Registry for our state.  I found it very difficult to deal with the fact that he never served one day in prison for the crimes he has committed.  Or that he lives within 2 miles from my grandma and several more from my Dad in Kansas City.  I am the same way with the TV and radio or whatever...it can all be triggers to bring back what happened so long ago.  It most likely always will be and that is something I will have to deal with I guess. 

I don’t know I think for me in someway I have channeled some of that anger toward writing letters to senators, legislators, whomever I think can help tighten up the laws we have towards these predators.  They are not able to be rehabbed, period.  I think if you are convicted of sex crime against a child then that should be an automatic life sentence in prison.  No probation, no short sentences and certainly no statute of limitations on these types of crimes.

Sorry, I could go on and on...I didn’t intend for this to be so long.  Who knows maybe I needed to vent it off a little.  Anyway, do keep posting there are those of us who understand...take care

 

Posted 4/14/2007 10:57 PM (GMT 0)
mad   Els it just makes me so mad to hear this that your abuser got away with out serving any time in prison that they always seem to get away .I bet your judge was a male too .

I often think about haveing charges made about my brother but the way the system works the only one who would be hurt is me yet again ,having to go through all that happened out in the open  there is no point he would get off as so many who abuse kids today .My brother was bought up on charges years ago for molesting a ten year old girl in my heart i knew he did it from what he did to us but he got off and now that and god knows how many others he has done the same to .I`m ashamed to even think he is my brother and what would he of done to his own three girls .I just don`t want to be around any of this any more .

katelyn as i was growing up i had no idea what was happing to my sisters i was fifteen when i left home and it was on an occassion that i returned for a weekend that i walked in on my brother raping my youngest sister i think that that wasa shock for him as the other three of us ganged up he didn`t touch any one for ages well i never heard that he did not until about twenty years later when one night i was visiting my sister and we were drinking quite heavily and thats when we started talking about it he raped her when she was eighteen but all my parents did was trow him out of the house nothing else was done but then my parents were always drunk so it`s amazing that they were even sober long enough to do that .

I got my sister into councilling as best i could but to this day she still hides behind a bottle all the pain of our past and the last time i visited her it was so sad to see she was drunk each night i feel for her two boys that they see her like this as thats how i remember my parents .

My other sisters well the youngest one told me even our oldest brother raped her but she denys the middle brother raping her and cant remember the day we walked in on them but i suoopes like me a lot has been blocked from her memory but the two youngest havent recieved any help they just tell me they only want to forget about it. But i can see they desperately need help both of them have failed marriages one of them several and the children form my youngest sister are all a mess they have no life living like they do .I have tried to help but katie just becomes very agressive so i leave her alone to do her own thing .

 To this day i still think my mother went through the same thing because denying it and covering up what happened to us she was ashamed and one of my abusers was her brother .once they do someting like this to a child they continue for the rest of their lives they should all be locked up the first time and never be let out .

Restless

Posted 4/14/2007 11:12 PM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry Kaylee for all that you and your siblings have gone through.  I agree that when you throw in physical abuse it makes the situation sooo much worse...which sounds weird when your already talking about sexual abuse as that alone is horrible to go through.

You talk of the belt and I can relate to that, and fists coming out of no where.  Charlie drank alot so I think it fueled whatever demons he carries inside of him.  My brother and I spent alot of time defending each other and looking out for one another as much as children can.  When I was locked behind a closed door with my stepfather my little brother would be outside knocking on the door asking for something stupid like an apple or whatever...anything to get him to stop.  The same would go when Charlie went into one of his rages and would beat on my brother I would try to intervene even if I got hurt too.

I am lucky and grateful that we didnt have to spend the rest of our growing up years in the same house with this going on.  I am sure somewhere along the line we would of ended up dead or would of ran away from home.  It is sad though because once this happens no matter if your a small child like I was or it happens to someone later in life it totally takes away your ability to have normal relationships, communicate with someone and have trust for others. 

It is hard to learn how to build your life in any sort of normal, functioning way when your basis was founded on this sort of crap.  You have learned how to do that with your husband and we all here have learned how to do it.  I think we are some pretty darn (want to say something else :-) ) strong women here.

 

Posted 4/15/2007 3:27 PM (GMT 0)
Restless, I am sorry I didnt answer your post...I think we submitted or were typing about the same time :-) .  Yes, the judge in my case was male and my stepfather was able some how to cleaned out the joint checking account after his arrest to hire himself a very good attorney.  It does anger me that he was able to weasle his way out of punishment for what he did.  I'm sure he never thinks of the kind of damage his actions left us with.  He is able to go on with his life as if nothing happened and yet I am left with terrible images and memories of what he did, those will never go away for me.  Somehow the punishment in these cases never fits the crime...does it?  I know now that I have to let that anger go, I cant spend the rest of my life worrying about what he does or is going to do.  He is a molestor, I know that, he knows that and God knows that.  I just have to have faith that since the justice system isnt going to work for us in life that these terrible people will suffer for their crimes in death.

Justagirl, you are so sweet :-) ...Thank you dear. 

Posted 4/15/2007 3:33 PM (GMT 0)
Restless i know what u mean about there being many triggers, i too could just be watching tv and the tiniest thing on there brings it all back or someone im talking to could say something that brings on a flashback, its hard going on with life when practically everyday you are reminded about the past. i havent told a soul about what happened to me, and iv seen both my abusers a couple of times since but i could never have the courage to say anything, tbh id be too scared incase they did more.
Posted 4/15/2007 4:25 PM (GMT 0)
Kaylee, I am not sure what your post here means?  Are members e-mailing you directly? or are you receiving notifications that someone has posted to this thread?  If that is the case then it is something you need to go in and fix in your control panel and go to Edit E-Mail Subscriptions. 

If there is a problem please contact me via e-mail instead of posting here on the forum and I will try my very best to correct it for you.

Thank you :-)

Posted 4/15/2007 5:24 PM (GMT 0)
Katelynn i havent emailed u at all. i just posted on this thread, i think u r getting notification replies that lets u know someone has posted on a thread that u have posted on.
turn them off if u dont want to be told when someone posts on a thread u have.
Posted 4/15/2007 9:16 PM (GMT 0)
I think it is important to know that for a majority of people who are abused early in their lives they usually end up in some sort of abusive relationship rather it be emotional or physical.  Maybe it is because we believe somewhere in our minds that we deserve this kind of treatment.

My marriage was emotionally abusive.  No one would be able to tell from the outside of couse.  My husband knew of my abuse issues from childhood and did nothing to try to understand them or even help me with them.  There were times when he made nasty comments regarding it.  I dont consider myself weak, I didnt then either.  I didnt have the power to MAKE him understand, after a while I didnt really care anymore.  I did leave him due to various other reasons and we have been divorced almost 3 yrs.

I know it is hard to hear when you feel someone is getting hurt more from someone who should love and respect them but, I feel that we should all be supportive in this thread and not critical.  It is terrible what everyone has been through, lets not inflict anymore hurt to each other through words.  Okay?

Posted 4/16/2007 9:27 AM (GMT 0)
I have started a brand new thread for everyone to start posting in.  This one will soon be locked due to it's length....it is getting a bit hard to manage when it gets so many posts attached to it.  Peace everyone :-)
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