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Spouses of depressed individuals

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Posted 3/20/2007 4:41 PM (GMT 0)
There are many spouses on this site and we are glad to have you.  I thought it might be a good thing to consolidate the threads so that some very good information could be all in one place.

I have depression and so does my spouse so I know this issue from both sides.  I want to say that your spouses' depression is not your responsibility.  You are not to blame for whatever actions he/she takes while in a depressed state and you are not responsible for his/her recovery or treatment.  Your spouse has to be in control or no change will occur.  I know that is a scary statement when it feels like they don't care but it is true.  That does not mean that you can't support and assist them in getting care.  It does mean at a certain time you have to back off and let them take the lead.  Only you will know when it is the right time to do this.

No one can tell you to leave or stay, only you have the right to make that decision.  Either choice is valid.  You have a right to take care of yourself and a priority to take care of any children that may be involved.  Sometimes you have to leave to meet those two responsibilities.  It does not mean that you have given up on your spouse.  If you can stay that is a wonderful thing but this issue takes a toll on families and you have to do what you have to do.

If you Google ********  it will take you to a wonderful site that will give support and advice to those living with a depressed person.  This does not mean that we don't want you  here, please feel free to do what you need for support.  I personally think it is good for depressed people to hear about the causes it creates in thier loved ones.  You never know what might get someone on the road to recovery.

Thanks for being here, let us know how you are doing.

I am sorry stronglady but I have had to edit out part of your post due to forum rule #4. No advertising or links to advertising or "Spam" is permited (including signatures). 

  • Links to helpful web sites (commercial or otherwise) are allowed when they are posted by someone without any "vested interest" AND whose purpose is NOT to solicit, advertise, promote, fundraise, etc.  - I do realize that you dont have a vested interest in this web site you left...however, it is linked to another message board which is against healing well's rules.  I hope you do understand.  Thank you ~ Elisha

    • Post Edited By Moderator (els) : 3/21/2007 9:19:30 AM (GMT-6)

    Posted 3/21/2007 12:59 AM (GMT 0)
    I am a member of the ****board. I don't know for sure, but I almost feel like my personal situation differs so much from the majority of the other people on the board that I don't know if its the right place for me.

    Lots of good information, good advice and amazingly strong people on there. But most of them have had their DSO leave or not acknowledge their depression or both. I guess I am blessed in that way that we have stuck together, my hubby acknowledges his depression and is actively seeking to get better. Thru counceling for me, and just the passage of time and getting older we both can look back to when we first got married oblivious of his depression and can now see where we went wrong and are making alot of changes in how we treat each other and now we react to each other.

    It is an awesome site and will continue to visit and post as I see fit.

    Blessings,

    I am sorry sweeter I edited your post for the same reason that I listed above.  Thank you ~ Elisha

    Post Edited By Moderator (els) : 3/21/2007 9:22:11 AM (GMT-6)

    Posted 3/21/2007 7:26 PM (GMT 0)
    Elisha - Thank you for letting me know of your actions but I did not post a link. I simply echoed the information that is already in several other threads on this board and was not edited. I understand why the no spam rule is there but I believe that is different from giving helpful information. It is like someone being sent to this site. There are many posters here who come and go depending on need, time and situation. Don't suppose that I "don't have a vested interest in this web site" just because I am not here everyday. That is like saying that anything I have to say is invalid and I don't really think you mean that.

    Sweeterthanhoney - I know exactly what you mean. My hubby is amazingly strong and has always been willing to get help and stick together. We are 25 years stronger together than we ever would have been seperately.
    Posted 3/22/2007 4:40 PM (GMT 0)
    Stonglady, I really wished you would of contacted me personally via e-mail regarding this instead of airing it on the forum.  I feel my decision to edit out the name of the site you left (even though it was not a link) is valid and within the forum rules as it is linked to another message board as I stated in my post to you.  As for the "vested interest" that refers to someone who has either invested funds into that forum or they are a major contributor to that forum in someway...not that what you have to say is "invalid".  Please dont get my words twisted like that.

    Posted 4/2/2007 11:36 PM (GMT 0)
    I have no vested interest, financial or otherwise, in The Site Who Must Not Be Named.  It is a site that I found supportive and helpful and just thought others would as well.  I have no interest in a board war with you but I thought that this board was about support and sharing those things that help us out.  There are precious few places that caretakers can get help and support and if someone is being overrun by the fallout of depression in someone that they love they need our support as much as we need support. 

    Posted 4/3/2007 10:26 PM (GMT 0)
    I totally agree however we all have to work within the forum rules that have been set up here by the admin.  If you or any other member has a site, board or other forum they would like to share with someone for the reasons you listed here then you can e-mail them. 

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