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Posted 4/10/2007 8:14 AM (GMT 0)
Hi folks,

I apologize for my English, I lost my words quite a bit since I returned to Germany last July after two years abroad. I am 38 years old, female and depressive since 2 or three years (not quite sure, though) with a more heavy episode since last year July. I am in psychotherapy but not using meds. The concidered reason for my depression is rejection and harrasment from my father (who has also a psychological problem but rejects therapy) since my birth. This sounds so minor when I write it, but believe me for me it feels very major.

In moment I have cutt short the contact to my family since they support my father, but was there over Easter for my moms birthday. My dad had not really the opportunity to bully me as much as he used to in this few days, but his interactions with the family and the coldness I got from them because I left them hit me still. I am in moment in an emotional shaky state and happy that I found you.

So, a big hello from Germany!
Cheers
Depri
Posted 4/10/2007 11:39 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Depri
Welcome to the board! I am so glad that you found us,and you are going to find that there are alot of great people here that will give you great advice and care alot.
I am so sorry that you have went through so much with your father.
Please post and let us know how you are doing.


Stay strong
Shy
Posted 4/10/2007 12:09 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you ShynSassy,

it is nice to have contact with people who understand. The most others would say "aww father issues..." but here I notice real understanding and it does feel good. Well, today I am very edgy. I break things and bump into stuff - all these things because I am quite fuzzy in my mind and anxiously trying to cope. Fortunately tomorrow is therapy again. My therapist was for hollydays the last two weeks, but that is fine. I am glad he is back this week when I need him most. A lot stuff in me has stirred up again and I am completely destabilized. In the morning it started already with this feeling of pressure from inside. Now the stirring thoughts come, too. My mood darkens from hour to hour. I will take a nap now now - sometimes it helps a little bit. And then I will go out for grocery shopping. A bit walking and fresh air normally does me well, too.

Thank you!
Posted 4/10/2007 12:19 PM (GMT 0)
You are very welcome Depri,this site has helped me so much,I hope it does the same with you.
Good luck with your appt tomorrow,I hope you can start feeling better.



Shy
Posted 4/10/2007 4:38 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Shy. Sleeping and walking didn't help, but it seems it wears off a little bit by itself now. Yes, normally my therapy stabilizes me quite well if I don't push myself to much over the edge.

Cheers
Depri
Posted 4/11/2007 12:24 AM (GMT 0)
Keep us posted and good luck at your Doctor's appt.

Shy
Posted 4/11/2007 11:14 AM (GMT 0)
Just wanted to add my welcome to you and to wish you luck for your appointment. A lot of people here can relate to family issues and will be able to understand what you are going through. Let us know how your appointment goes and take care
Posted 4/11/2007 1:13 PM (GMT 0)
Hello and thank you Shy and Victoria,

the appointment went well. It brought me a bit back to earth. I tend to stuck in my thoughts and turn them over and over like an old washing machine and my therapist helps me to stop it and put the stuff into the sunlight. Quite a bit of self pitty I stirr around sometimes, ignoring the funny side of it. And actually, a 71 year old man who behaves like a 3 year old boy is actually quite funny if you look at it from a more observative place. The pain is more about my mom and my brother, who don't understand why they can carry on under these circumstances but I can't. But I think they will get over it sometime. They stuck when I was walking on, I can't blame them, a year ago I was still stuck, too.

Cheers
Depri
Posted 4/11/2007 3:55 PM (GMT 0)

Guten Tag Depri,

Welcome to HealingWell! I speak a little German but it is limited but I am learning new things all the time. Im glad to hear that your appointment well. I have a friend in Germany (Who lives near Berlin) who gave me a wonderful phrase: "Einsicht ist der erste schritt zur Besserung" (Insight is the first step to improvement) and I found it was very true. Perhaps you can relate to this? Let us know how you get on.

Auf Wiederhoeren,

Darren

Posted 4/11/2007 8:17 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Darren.
Well, I go with C.G. Jung who said that making the problem intellectualy conscious doesn't mean anything if you don't make it emotionally conscious. I am a freaky expert in intellectually knowing my problems sooooooooo well, but this doesn't make the depression go away. I need to feel through it and this takes time and a lot of energy, energy I feel I have not in a big amount in store. So I have a long road ahead and there will be many times I will feel the same like the last days. I get easily completely destabilized and today we had to put me together again. I do feel better now, but only because I am stabilized. It will wear off in a few days, the journey keeps going.

Cheers
Posted 4/12/2007 12:55 AM (GMT 0)
Depri,
I tend to agree about the whole moving on.. but as we know it is easier said than done right? I mean those people that tell us to move on have not lived our lives!! Simple as that. And they have no idea the pain that we feel.
Give me a punching bag with a picture of every person that has told me to "move on" and I would be a great boxer by now!!!
Post here,tell us what you have went through,and I promise we will do our best to help.

Shy
Posted 4/12/2007 7:36 AM (GMT 0)
You are absolutely right Shy. I would love to have such a punching bag, too. Ah, guess my neighbours could be a bit bothered to hear me punching it day and night. I will post what happened to me, but not now. The best time to get close to this stuff is close to therapy, so weekend or monday will be a good time. If I go to far and destabilize myself again I am in no big trouble for many days, just one or two. I know I have to get to my limits and step over them a bit, but I know also if I can't close the door afterwards, all this nasty scruffy looking demons come out and chase me all over the place. So please be patient with me. Actually, I enjoy in moment that I am feeling quite well again and probably can feel even the fun of my riding lesson this afternoon. I wouldn't want to spoil that today. tongue

Cheers
Depri
Posted 4/12/2007 12:05 PM (GMT 0)
I know what you mean,I also think my b/f might wonder if I am going crazy ;)
I hope you had a great afternoon.


Shy
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