in treatment but not getting better

Well, I am brand new to healingwell.com--I just read about it in the newspaper. I am 29 years old and was recently "officially" diagnosed with depression, though I can trace back the years since adolescence in which I've had episode after episode of depression. I've been living this way for most of my life. I guess I thought it would one day change once I got that perfect job, or something, but I can see that's not going to happen.

I started on Celexa in the fall and my dosage has been increased twice (the last time was yesterday). I will be on it for two more weeks and then if still no real improvement, then I'll be switched to something else. I guess I'd have to say things are better than they were before I started it, but is this really as good as it should be? Lately I am completely non-functional at work. I pretty much don't do anything all day. My coworkers must assume I'm working, and it leaves me with so much guilt.

I see a therapist every other week and she's great, but I wish I could be doing better. I always get what she's saying, but I have a REALLY hard time implementing any real change in myself. She says that my thoughts are so powerful that I won't believe anything else. I've felt very hopeless lately, since I feel like it's impossible for me to change anything about myself.

I always feel very alone. I live in a very small town with not many outlets, and I'm new here. I spend the weekends alone, almost all the time. I wish there were more people to talk to about this here. So I guess that's why I'm trying the internet! I've tried a few things to meet people (something I am not good at or comfortable with)--mostly community ed classes, but it hasn't been very successful.

I just need to know HOW I can get better. How can I stop believing all the negative thoughts about myself?

 Welcome Filmgirl~

First let me say that I have had depression for over 20 years and I fight it every day.  One of the first things you must learn when dealing with depression is that there is no quick fix.  Sad but true, however, I will tell you that there are cases when someone is diagnosed with depression and it is not chronic but situational and is not considered clinical depression, recovery is not as difficult.  I guess it just basically depends on the extent of your depression. 

 

In my depression, mine was diagnosed initally as post-partem depression.  However later while in therapy for years we found that although it was brought on by the birth of my first child, things in my childhood had predesposed me for the illness as well as my genetic makeup.  So I guess what I am saying is that depression is extremely complex.  You may think that if you have tons of money or live a life in which you could never possibly need anything else in your life, with chronic depression, everything is NOTHING!!!! I know, I had everything that I always dreamed I wanted as a little girl.  I had no reason at all to have a bad day except the basic run in the hose or a flat tire but every day was a struggle even with every thing that I had.  Now, I am struggling to regain the everything in my life that I worked 42 years for only to have depression take it.

 

You may in therapy for years, undergo invasive treatments and be hospitalized several times and be 20 years older than you were when you first were diagnosed and still realize you are fighting depression.

 

I have always said that I would rather have any illness in the world rather than depression.  I HATE WONDERING IF TOMORROW IS GOING TO BE A DAY WHERE I DONT WANT TO GET OUT OF BAD OR A DAY WHERE IT IS OK AND THE DAY IS UNEVENTFUL!  There are hardly any "great" days.  I can count on my two hands the days where I was so happy that I couldnt imagine living any other days unless they were like that.  Well needless to say, I still have depression and tomorrow is another day to have faith.

 

Good luck to you.