Seeking Advice - Visiting BP boyfriend having episode

Greetings All

I posted a thread up here called "My Bud, My Love...One junk of a funk". 

I'm posting this as a means to seek advice.  After reading my last post to give you a background on my situation, my boyfriend is currently experiencing a depressive episode.  This is the first time I this has happened while he and I have been seeing each other romantically.  We live in different states and fly back and forth to be with one another.

To try and not make this so long,  as much reading up and research I have done to understand what a person goes through, everyone is different and mau experience the episode differently.

I'm flying out to see, to stay with him at his place next week.  I am scared as I have not been aroun dhim and do not knowtotally what to expect.  I'm assuming I am just going to go there and not put any pressure on him but rather just be at the house for whenever he may feel to reach out. 

Does anyone have advice on what helped you get through your episode?  Were there things that were much more of a hinderence rather than what helped with positive progression?  Can you give me any advice as to what some things I might be up against?

My boyfriend has already told me that when he goes into a depressive state, he completely withdraws from friends and family; doesn't speak to people he is usually close to.  the phone goes unanswered, text messages and email don't get a reply and he will usually sleep and lazy around the house till it passes. 

So far, I've been told that I may need to prepare myself should he tell me he wants me to leave.  This hurts and is going to tear me up big time.  But I will just have to take it.

Thanks for any advice you can give me.

Hi Wicked

I did post another reply on your previous thread a couple of days ago so not sure whether you have revisited it.

Anyway, in reponse to your post in my experience you just need to keep your expectations very low. Don't expect excitement when you arrive, I am sure he will be happy to see you but you may not get the response you expect. Plus you might expect any of the following, lack of physical and emotional closeness with you, sleeping for long hours, getting up for a short time then going back to bed, very quiet and within himself, he might not really want to talk in depth about anything. Might not want to go out so expect that you might just stay around the house whilst you are there, don't try and push him to go out because you think it might make him feel better. Don't push him on anything as you are likely to get into an argument easily. Depending on his situation he may not be looking after himself very well so don't expect a smartly, well turned out person to greet you at the door, when my hubbie is depressed he bearly even brushes his hear and slops around in the same track pants and t-shirts for days on end. Everyone is different and obviously depends on his personality but you may feel that he is snapping at you when you try to talk to him. All of these are generalisations I know but I have experienced and I am sure others will have as well.

As you have mentioned before if you are going just to 'experience' this period so that you can see what it is really like living with him then all good but don't make him aware that it is an 'experiment' on your part otherwise he will definately feel like all his behaviour is being observed. Be prepared to leave early if it is not working out but I sincerely hope it does

Keep us posted and hope things work out.

Honey Bee

Hi there

I hope your reception is warm but please be prepared to deal with his rejection as he is depressed right now and he may not want anyone to see him in his current state. I think you are right, just go and be with him. Don't expect this to be a magical cure for him.  Wiill he throw you out?  He may if he is Bipolar.  Please have a back up plan if you are asked to leave his house. Maybe stay at a hotel but let him know you have not deserted him.

I wish you the best and hope your trip turns out ok.............(((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

Hey WCC,

I'm sending good thoughts for your trip. You're a good person for him. He may or may not know that right now, but he will someday if he doesn't. You're doing your research and making sure you are doing the right things. That's great. Hopefully, he'll be able to to accept your visit and make the best of it.

Good luck!

Rick...

Hi wicked

That is really good news, sounds like a positive step and that you have had a good discussion.

Leaving a little later also means that you will hopefully be armed with more info for the both of you.

Good stuff.

Honey Bee