What lesson do you need to learn in this lifetime?

I have pondered long and hard on this one.

I have made some major major stuff ups in my life I don't have a lifetime to tell them all.

I am past the yard arm,
All of my stuff ups leading to my sadness, misery, hardship, struggle....

Now at the age of 50 I have finally worked out what my life lesson is....

It was like a bolt of lightning that finally hit home

"Absolutely, nobody reallycares what happens"

I am sure this is my current life lesson

Why, you may ask?

Well, here goes........

When my Father died, my only brother (my only family) turned his back on my mother and me, but not before making sure he had fleeced the estate.......(what a low life)
I was young, and devastated that my Dad was gone, I will never get over it...ever...
I miss him every day and I feel so guilty that I let him and my Mum down.
I should have stood up for my Mum instead of letting my greedy selfish brother take over.
He put my Mother in a home and I never heard from him again and he never ever went to see her until she died.....
Gee, my so called "brother"
Thanks for the message you left on my answering machine, shame that the hospital had already phoned me and told me she had died, you didn't even let me know when you knew she was not going to make it so that I could be there. You denied me the chance to say goodbye, I will never forget what you did to our parents, after all the sacrifices they made for you ! You are an absolute selfish "a......."

Once again my life lesson.........

Nobody really cares what happens

I thought I had finally found my life partner at the age of 37, after, what I thought was being so careful in choosing, so sure of being loved, so sure I would not lose him, no matter what. We were in it for the long haul.........we would face everything together..........

Well after a fairytale romance, wedding, and combining of our assets (much to my detriment) and believing that this man truly loved me and would continue to love me for the rest of our lives, I then received the ultimate slap in the face.
I gave up a great job years before and took another so that I could spend more time with him, he missed me he said, he wanted more time with me he said.
The new company franchised the business and I then had no job.
One month later I found out I was pregnant, an absolute accident, he didn't want children, he hated children,I had an abortion. I regret it to this day.
Then two years later...... on Valentines Day 2000, 4 weeks after coming out of major surgery,

on our kitchen bench of our beautiful joint home, he left me a letter from his solicitor saying that he wanted a divorce.....

He was able to keep the house, he had a government well paid job.... Mother with money to bail him out,
I then finally found out that he was a gambling addict and was he ever, in debt for almost $20,000.00.
I had no idea. I knew he played the pokies but this was insane!

Not to mention that his mother turned on me after about 2 months, she hated me with a passion and put me down to him all the time. They had secret phone calls to one another, putting me down all the time. Nice huh?

Again the same lesson.....

Nobody really cares what happens

I lost my house,
I lost my husband that I loved more than anyone ever,
I lost my full time job.
I lost everything that I had struggled so hard for all my life......

I lost everything that I was, wanted, stood for, believed in
I completely lost me

Again the same lesson...

Nobody really cares what happens

From my supposed life partner,
my close friends, (well they were supposed to be... strange how they desert you in your hour of need),
my work mates (who savagely turned on me)
my employers who did the same,
my so called friends who now were no longer my friends because I had NOTHING

The lesson again

Nobody cares what happens

Now I find my current friend who says that he will stand by me...

Doesn't and isn't

I have Multiple Sclerosis
I have chronic pain
I have multiple other illnesses
I have impaired brain function
I forget,
I can't remember,
I struggle with simple everyday things
I am so tired
I am sad
I am lost
I am lonely
I am angry
I get mad
I get p'd off
I am scared of everything
I am fearful
I have no hope
I have nothing
I have nothing left to give

I am just so tired

Once again my life lesson is......

Nobody cares what happens

In his eyes
Everyone else is,

important,
smarter,
beautiful,
sexier,
funnier,
great,
wonderful,
good at everything...

In his eyes I am.....
stupid
boring
dumb
an idiot
ugly
fat
lazy
a servant
an employee, get this, get that, do this, do that
jump, now and while you are there
put another log on the fire!

Every other woman is everything I am not

Everything I am unable to be


My supposed "now"partner" who says he will support me and stand by me no matter what

Nobody cares what happens (Deja Vu!)

Now I have discovered he is sneaking around behind my back
lining up someone else
talking about me behind my back
same old same old same........
and making sure he has someone else to fall back on before he gives me the shove
He says he cares but I know deep down he doesn't
He is hedging his bets
Setting himself up
Just waiting for the out....
Once again like everyone else, he has used me up and now

I really do know that

Nobody cares what happens and now I know nobody ever will

If I could check out of this life right now and start again somewhere else I would....

Before my Dad died he said to me,
"I am so very tired" I am just so tired love.....

Well,
Now I am there,
I am so very tired...
Tired of living
Tired of struggling with illness and impaired brain function because of MS
Tired of constant chronic pain
Tired of being used
Tired of being conned
Tired of people saying they care when they really don't and never will
Tired of being treated like I am a servant
Tired of being treated like I don't matter
Tired of being treated like I am a fool and dumb

I am just so tired........

Please, just let me find the way out of this and the here and the now
I am too tired to deal with this any more

There has to be somewhere better than this
Heaven sounds good,
I deserve to be there not here living like this
and
this really is my ultimate life lesson for this life...

Nobody cares what happens to me
and
Nobody ever will

Cocoa

Like Shy posted with all that has been thrown my way
losing a son at 6 yrs old
2 hubbys to death and My mom
and dad is going downhill ..........just got done my chemo and yet I too FIND all that is thrown my way only has made me the strong woman I am today

YOU have ppl here that DO care..........LYN

First I want to say, Lyn, I am so sorry to hear that you lost a son who was only six years old.  To me, that would be the worst thing that could happen to anyone.  I did not know this.  I also did not know you had also lost two husbands to death.  You have been through a great deal.

Cocoa, Please know that we are all here for you.  You absolutely can not give up.  Your friends have to be your family and we are willing to be your family here if you let us.  Please stay in touch with us and let us know how you are doing.

With love and prayers,

Carla